Before Happiness (Shawn Achor)

 

Notes:

The author says that we can create positive realities...and when we do that, we are happier. Happiness actually comes before success, not from it.

His TedTalk is worth watching.

1. Reality Architecture

- Realize that multiple versions of reality exist. Some will always see the negative and a few will see the positive. 

- Whichever one you choose to focus on, you can dramatically reduce the affects of stress.

- If you change your viewpoint, you can see different advantages
- Pursue the most advantageous reality

2. Mental Cartography

- Highlight meaning markers along the way

- Find many meanings and different ways to look at how you can achieve success - this is called reorienting your map for success

- Map your success routes before you look for escape routes

- Don't start at zero. Show yourself some progress you've already made and start there.

- Find points of progress you can celebrate along the way

3. Cancel the Noise - boost the signal that points to greater

- Noise check your life: is information coming in unusable, unpractical, hypothetical and distracting - cancel it out!  

- Do the 5% experiment. For two weeks, try to decrease your information intake by 5%. Cut out information that fits some of the information on "noise"

- Keep a car radio off for the first five minutes of your commute, limit TV news, and limit articles that report on negative events half a world away

- Create active noise canceling by posting a sign next to your desk listing the 3 waves of positive energy

    - I will keep my worry in proportion to the likelihood of the event

    - I will not ruin 10,000 days to be right on a handful

    - I will not equate worrying with being loving or responsible

- Fact Check - keep your worrying in proportion to the likelihood of the event by asking these two questions:

        1. How often has this negative event happened in the past?

        2. How often has this negative event occurred to me personally?

- Do a 5-minute writing exercise. Anytime you hear doubting voices, take 5 minutes to write about things you feel passionate and positive about (your children, your sports, your values, your faith). By actively canceling such noises, you can increase your performance by 10-15%.

- Exercise! Add exercise to your routine. It decreases anxiety by as much as 20%. 

4. Creating Positive Inception - transfer your reality to others

- The person who speaks first is often perceived to be the leader. Set the tone by saying something helpful first.

- The social script has to be written by someone. Why not you?! 

- Make your tone and look fit your words. Nod and smile when others are sharing to make your non-verbals positive.

- Change the script from tragedy to comedy. Humor wields more social influence.

- Share stories from people who have benefited from what you do to inspire others.

- Start each conversation with a compliment or encouraging comment

- Add 3 smiles: flex your powerful positivity muscle 3 times a day

- Write down funny things you hear and find a way to share it in the next 24 hours (but not with a FWD email or post!)

- Create a narrative - develop a shared positive narrative about a time you or your team overcame something. Write out a real story with climax, conflict and resolving action.

Working on your humor

- keep lists of jokes and funny stories

- watch comedy shows to work on your timing

Goodreads says:

Why are some people able to make positive change while others remain the same?

In his international bestseller, The Happiness Advantage, Harvard trained researcher Shawn Achor described why happiness is the precursor to greater success. This book is about what comes before both. Because before we can be happy or successful, we need to first develop the ability to see that positive change is possible. Only once we learn to see the world through a more positive lens can we summon all our motivation, emotion, and intelligence to achieve our personal and professional goals.

In Before Happiness, Achor reveals five actionable, proven strategies for changing our lens to positive:

· The Most Valuable Reality: See a broader range of ideas and solutions by changing the details on which your brain chooses to focus
· Success Mapping: Set goals oriented around the things in life that matter to you most, whether career advancement or family or making a difference in the world
· The X-spot: Use success accelerants to propel you more quickly towards those goals, whether finishing a marathon, reaching a sales target, learning a language, or losing 10 pounds
· Noise-Canceling: Boost the signal pointing you to opportunities and possibilities that others miss
· Positive Inception: Transfer these skills to your team, your employees, and everyone around you

By mastering these strategies, you’ll create an renewable source of positivity, motivation, and engagement that will allow you to reach your fullest potential in everything you do.

His TedTalk is great:

Big Potential (Shawn Achor)

 

I've noticed Shawn Anchor mentioned a lot when it comes to talking about happiness. He hit the nail on the head with this book!  I can't remember what led me to this book, but I was I pleasantly surprised and the more I read the more I loved it. My word of the year is "swing". I wrote about it here. I was able to add a lot to my cache about the value of swing by reading this! 

My notes are below the Goodreads summary.


Goodreads says:

“With cutting-edge research, penetrating insights, and practical examples, Shawn Achor describes a new conception of ‘success,’ and in doing so, reveals exciting new strategies we can use to meet our highest potential.”—Gretchen Rubin, bestselling author of The Happiness Project

“A vibrant book on how to bring out the best in others—and how they can bring out the best in us.”—Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Think Again and host of the podcast WorkLife

In a world that thrives on competition and individual achievement, we’re measuring and pursuing potential incorrectly. Pursuing success in isolation—pushing others away as we push ourselves too hard—not only limits our potential but makes us more stressed and disconnected than ever.
 
Harvard-trained researcher Shawn Achor reveals a better approach. With exciting new research combining neuroscience and psychology with Big Data, Achor shows that our potential is not limited by what we alone can achieve. Instead, it is determined by how we complement, contribute to, and benefit from the abilities and achievements of people around us.
 
When we—as individuals, leaders, and parents—chase only individual achievement, we leave vast sources of potential untapped. But once we put “others” back into the equation, and work to make others better, we ignite a Virtuous Cycle of cascading successes that amplify our own.

The dramatic shifts in how we approach work today demand an equally dramatic shift in our approach to success. In Big Potential, Achor draws on cutting-edge original research as well as his work with nearly half of the Fortune 100 and with places like NASA, the NFL and the NBA, and offers a new path to thriving in the modern world.

Notes

p. 1 When dusk slowly crept upon a mangrove forest lining a river deep in a jungle in Southeast Asia, a biologist far from his home in Washington State looked out over the lush, alien landscape lining the snake-infested waters. While drifting slowly in his boat, Professor Hugh Smith surely heard the calls of the nocturnal creatures uncoiling from their dens or taking flight from their nests and beginning their nightly hunts. I can envision how the water must have shimmered under the light from the stars, unspoiled by the light pollution that existed in the remote cities. What happened next on that humid day in 1935 is part of recorded academic history. Smith looked up at one of the mangrove trees, and suddenly the entire canopy glowed as if a lightning bolt had show out from the tree instead of striking it. Then it all went dark, leaving a burned image on his vision....once his capacity for mental reasoning returned, he realized that the trees were not, in fact, glowing; rather they were covered with a critical number of bioluminiescent lightning bugs, all illuminating at the exact same time. Upon returning home, Dr Smith wrote up a journal article on his discovery of the synchronous lightning bugs. It seemed too good to be true, like something out of a storybook. I'm sadly unsurprised by the next part of the story. He was not believed. Biologists ridiculed his account, even calling it fabricated. Why would make fireflies glow in unison, which would only decrease their chances of distinguishing themselves to potential mates? Mathematicians were equally skeptical. How could order come from chaos in nature without a leader to direct it? And entomologists asked how million of fireflies could see enough other fireflies to create the exact same pattern, given the limited visibility i the mangrove forest. It seemed physically, mathematically, and biologically impossible. 
Yet, it wasn't. And thanks to modern science, we know how and why. Turns out that this puzzling behavior actually serves an evolutionary purpose for the fireflies. As published in the prestigious journal Science, researchers Moiseff and Copeland found that when lightning bugs light up at randome times, the likelihood of a female responding to a male in the deep, dark recesses of a mangrove forest is 3 percent. But when the lightning bugs light up together, the likelihood of females responding is 82%! That's not a typo. The success rate increased by 79 percentage points when flashing as an interconnected community rather than as individuals.
The lightning bug researchers discovered than when fireflies were able to time their pulses with one another with astonishing accuracy (to the millisecond!), it allowed them to space themselves apart perfectly, thus eliminating the need to compete. ...Like the lightning bugs, once we learn to coordinate and collaborate with those around us, we all begin to shine brighter, both individually and as an ecosystem.

p. 23...almost every attribute of your potential - from intelligence ot creativity to leadership to personality and engagement - is interconnected with others. Thus, to truly thrive physically, emotionally, and spiritually, we need to change our pursuit of potential in the same way we need to change our pursuit of happiness. We need to stop trying to be faster alone, and start working to become stronger together.

p. 41 ...connecting with high-potential people dramatically increases your likelihood of high-potential outcomes. ...it turns out that not only do people around us powerfully shape  the type of person we'll become, but that their influence begins to take root at a very young age. For example, they found that when three- or four-year-old children were surrounded by peers who were hard-working or social, they too would begin to work harder and be more social. 
...Our finding, that personality traits are contagious among children, flies in the face of common assumptions that personality is ingrained and can't be changed.

p. 46 ...if animals don't care about a pecking order and they get along, that energy is transferred to production. In other words, when members of a group - be they human beings or chickens - focus only on competing their way to the top, they are likely to peck one another to death. They they work to lift one another up, however, everybody wins.

p. 51 A virtuous cycle (as opposed to a vicious cycle) is an upward spiral of potential whereby with each success, you garner more resources, which, in turn, allow you to achieve greater and greater successes.

p. 65 In basketball, for example, you would think that shooting percentage would best predict the outcome of a game, right? But in fact, a large BYU study found that the ratio of assists to turnovers is much more predictive of success. That's because lots of turnovers means players are hogging the ball so that they can score, whereas lots of assists means the players aren't trying to make individual shots; they are trying to get the collective win.

p. 117...praise is actually a renewable resource, Praise creates a Virtuous Cycle - the more you gibe, the more you enhance your own supply. When done right, praise primes the brain for higher performance, which means that the more we praise, the more success we create. And the more successes there are, the more there is to praise.

p. 119 By denying the light of praise, we extinguish it. By bending the light toward others, we magnify it.

p. 121 The easiest way to stop comparison praise is simply to eliminate superlatives from our vocabulary - "the best," "the fastest", "the smartest", "the prettiest". All of these undercut others instead of telling people they are great in their own right. Instead, follow what I consider an inviolable law of praise for leaders and parents: Do not compliment at the expense of others. ....the best praise is by actions changed.

p. 127...if we want to encourage excellence, we need a daily practice to shine attention on instances of excellence. The most powerful one in my life, and the one I suggest in every talk, is to take to minutes (maximum) each morning to simply write and send a text message or email praising or thanking someone in your life. Of all the positive habits I have, this is the most powerful one for multiple reasons. First, you have just scanned your relationships for something positive to spotlight, helping you see more positives, which, in turn, gives you more to spotlight. When I suggest this at companies, managers say that that simple email in the morning causes them to look for and see more things to praise and recognize on their teams the rest of the day.

p. 151 He had some strategies on defense against the dark arts of the world:

1. Build a moat (ie no social media or news in the first or last hour of the day.....not a new concept! I really should consciously do it! On p. 153 he said individuals who watched just three minutes of negative news in the morning were 27% more likely to report their day as unhappy six to eight hours later - it was like taking a poison pill each morning that made all of your efforts, energies, and interactions throughout the day more toxic)
2. Built a mental stronghold. This means to develop habits routines to remain calm, on task and hopeful in the face of immeasurable stress and sadness. (this was in reference to hospital teams who deal with big tragic events best)
3. Learn the art of Mental Aikido - look at stress positively. Accept it and work with it. Reframe failure as a learning opportunity.
4. Take a vacation from your problem - taking time away from your problems may actually help you reap one of the greatest competitive advantages that exist today....maintain a positive and engaged brain. Plan time away on a regular basis.
5. Pick your battles.

p. 182 How to channel collective energy
1. General more positive energy by creating Tours of Meaning (look for the beautiful in your every day life)
2. Use vivid direction to generate a path for that energy to flow
3. Accelerate the momentum you have created through the power of celebration. When you celebrate the good the negative seems to take care of itself.

p. 212 Realize that change is not a one time event. You will have to keep working on this for a lifetime! 

You can't exercise today hoping to never need to exercise again. In truth, we exercise today so we can move our body again tomorrow. We must always be on guard and repairing what breaks down over time.

Stickler Loves The World (Lane Smith)

 

Happiness comes from noticing all the beauty around us. Stickler has that figured out! 


Goodreads says:

From award-winning author/illustrator Lane Smith comes Stickler, a woodland creature who reminds us to appreciate the everyday wonders we often ignore. In a picture book that’s both silly and sweet, readers will find Stickler’s enthusiasm irresistible and see the world anew.

And just think of the wonders we must pass every day without even noticing!

Stickler, an original character covered in sticks and with multiple ever-changing eyes, loves its little world. With best friend Crow, it shares the wonders of all the amazing things the world has to offer. Stickler is astonished by the ordinary, such as the sun and the stars, as well as fascinated by those things in nature that are often overlooked, such as swirling seed pods falling from the sky. The two pals wander about the world, stopping to appreciate the many marvels along the way, especially its beloved sticks, each one unique.

Stickler Loves the World encourages awareness and mindfulness with a joyous and lighthearted touch. The award-winning illustrator of bestsellers including Penguin Problems and Giraffe Problems brings imagination and humor to a story that features a delightful and original character.

From Strength to Strength (Arthur C Books)

 

This book looked like it was totally my jam. I have read a number of books on aging. Mostly, the books I've read have had an approach of aging well and accomplishing all you can. This one was more focused on letting things go, accepting declines and settling down into spirituality. I don't really buy into the striver curse. I plan to keep having goals and striving. If not, what else there? Oh ya....walk and meditate and ponder. I totally agree that you must make time for self-development by scheduling your meditation, prayer, reading and practice every day. Those are good things....but what is one going to do the rest of the day? He says that your decline, as painful as it is should be experienced - and shared. He also encourages the reader to embrace their weaknesses and to start by imagining the peace in your heart from no longer pretending you are not weak. This is all in an effort to have other drawn to you and learn from you. I'm not so sure anyone would find it that inspiring.

I did like his questions to ask yourself as you embark on new chapters. I thought they'd be good questions to ponder on each birthday:

• What activities will you keep?
• What activities will you evolve and do differently?
• What activities will you let go of?
• What new activities will you learn?
• What will you commit to doing in the next week to evolve into the new you? the next month? the next six months?
• In a year, what will be the first fruits to appear as a result of your commitments? 

I finished this book because I have the idea that that's what readers do. I can't say it was that profound or inspiring though, as much as I wanted it to be! 

The author sums up the book with:
Use things
Love people
Worship the divine

Good advice. The author is just three years older than me, but I don't think I'm going to  follow his thinking just yet. I think I am not ready to give up on being a striver just yet though. 

Goodreads says:

The roadmap for finding purpose, meaning, and success as we age, from bestselling author, Harvard professor, and the Atlantic's happiness columnist Arthur Brooks.

Many of us assume that the more successful we are, the less susceptible we become to the sense of professional and social irrelevance that often accompanies aging. But the truth is, the greater our achievements and our attachment to them, the more we notice our decline, and the more painful it is when it occurs.

What can we do, starting now, to make our older years a time of happiness, purpose, and yes, success?

At the height of his career at the age of 50, Arthur Brooks embarked on a seven-year journey to discover how to transform his future from one of disappointment over waning abilities into an opportunity for progress. From Strength to Strength is the result, a practical roadmap for the rest of your life.

Drawing on social science, philosophy, biography, theology, and eastern wisdom, as well as dozens of interviews with everyday men and women, Brooks shows us that true life success is well within our reach. By refocusing on certain priorities and habits that anyone can learn, such as deep wisdom, detachment from empty rewards, connection and service to others, and spiritual progress, we can set ourselves up for increased happiness.

Read this book and you, too, can go from strength to strength.

So Good they Can't Ignore You (Cal Newport)

 

I love this book. Surprisingly, the title of this book comes from a quote of Steve Martin, of all people!  It gives you ideas of something you can actually do! Forget about finding your passion.  Adopt the craftsmanship mindset. If you work on your skills and become a master, passion becomes one of the results. 

In the book, he gives four great rules:

Rules #1 Don't follow your passions. That's dangerous, Career passions are rare. Passions take time and is a side affect of mastery. Seek autonomy. competence and relatedness. Traits that define great work are creativity, impact (find a way to make a difference) and control (keep it!).

Rule #2 Be so good they can't ignore you. Develop your skills. Become a fanatic! 

Rule #3 Turn down a promotion. Stay in control of your life

Rule #4 Think Small, Act Big. Have a mission. Misions require capital and marketing. Make small steps in the right direction and success will be the natural result.

Goodreads says:

In this eye-opening account, Cal Newport debunks the long-held belief that "follow your passion" is good advice.

Not only is the cliché flawed—preexisting passions are rare and have little to do with how most people end up loving their work—but it can also be dangerous, leading to anxiety and chronic job hopping.

After making his case against passion, Newport sets out on a quest to discover the reality of how people end up loving what they do. Spending time with organic farmers, venture capitalists, screenwriters, freelance computer programmers, and others who admitted to deriving great satisfaction from their work, Newport uncovers the strategies they used and the pitfalls they avoided in developing their compelling careers.

Matching your job to a preexisting passion does not matter, he reveals. Passion comes after you put in the hard work to become excellent at something valuable, not before. In other words, what you do for a living is much less important than how you do it.

With a title taken from the comedian Steve Martin, who once said his advice for aspiring entertainers was to "be so good they can't ignore you," Cal Newport's clearly written manifesto is mandatory reading for anyone fretting about what to do with their life, or frustrated by their current job situation and eager to find a fresh new way to take control of their livelihood. He provides an evidence-based blueprint for creating work you love.

So Good They Can't Ignore You will change the way we think about our careers, happiness, and the crafting of a remarkable life.

Little Fox and the Wild Imagination (Jorma Taccone and Dan Santat)

 

Pure Dan Santat craziness. Love it!

Super cute representation of the value of imagination. 
My favorite part is where they have to read all the books (5000!) before bed. 

Goodreads says:

BEWARE!

This is a tale of great caution, terror, and destruction . . .

of bath time, and bedtime, and the battle in between.

This is the story of Little Fox and one VERY BIG imagination.

Debut author Jorma Taccone, member of the hit comedy trio The Lonely Island, has paired up with New York Times–bestselling, Caldecott Medal–winning illustrator Dan Santat to create Little Fox and the Wild Imagination, a picture book about time, space, and even giant-robot-squids.

When Breath Becomes Air (Paul Kalanithi)

 

I was nervous about reading this book for my book club. Perhaps it would be too close to home. My husband has had health issues for the past four years, starting with a stroke and most recently with heart issues. He has not felt well since his stroke four years ago and is under constant supervision of doctors. I continue to hold on to hope for many more years with him despite the daily troubles. 

I found Paul Kalanithi's writing to be beautiful and comforting. He approached his cancer, his life and his death with courage, carefully calculating what was the most important things to check of as time went by. He said: You can't ever reach perfection, but you can believe in an asymptote toward which you are ceaselessly striving (p. 115)  And isn't that the key? 

I have started to follow his wife on twitter. It must be something to publish a book that tells your story so openly. She currently works as an internist at Stanford and is raising their daughter.

Goodreads says:

For readers of Atul Gawande, Andrew Solomon, and Anne Lamott, a profoundly moving, exquisitely observed memoir by a young neurosurgeon faced with a terminal cancer diagnosis who attempts to answer the question 'What makes a life worth living?'

At the age of thirty-six, on the verge of completing a decade's worth of training as a neurosurgeon, Paul Kalanithi was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. One day he was a doctor treating the dying, and the next he was a patient struggling to live. And just like that, the future he and his wife had imagined evaporated. When Breath Becomes Air chronicles Kalanithi's transformation from a naïve medical student "possessed," as he wrote, "by the question of what, given that all organisms die, makes a virtuous and meaningful life" into a neurosurgeon at Stanford working in the brain, the most critical place for human identity, and finally into a patient and new father confronting his own mortality.

What makes life worth living in the face of death? What do you do when the future, no longer a ladder toward your goals in life, flattens out into a perpetual present? What does it mean to have a child, to nurture a new life as another fades away? These are some of the questions Kalanithi wrestles with in this profoundly moving, exquisitely observed memoir.

Paul Kalanithi died in March 2015, while working on this book, yet his words live on as a guide and a gift to us all. "I began to realize that coming face to face with my own mortality, in a sense, had changed nothing and everything," he wrote. "Seven words from Samuel Beckett began to repeat in my head: 'I can't go on. I'll go on.'" When Breath Becomes Air is an unforgettable, life-affirming reflection on the challenge of facing death and on the relationship between doctor and patient, from a brilliant writer who became both.

The Little Book of Hygge: The Danish Way To Live Well (Meik Wiking)

 

I love Denmark...and I love the pursuit of happiness! This book is full of great reminders of how to simply be happy.

Happiness consists more in small conveniences or pleasure than occur every day than in great pieces of good fortunate that happen but seldom.

-Benjamin Franklin

Goodreads says:

Denmark is often said to be the happiest country in the world. That's down to one thing: hygge.

'Hygge has been translated as everything from the art of creating intimacy to cosiness of the soul to taking pleasure from the presence of soothing things. My personal favourite is cocoa by candlelight...'

You know hygge when you feel it. It is when you are cuddled up on a sofa with a loved one, or sharing comfort food with your closest friends. It is those crisp blue mornings when the light through your window is just right.

Who better than Meik Wiking to be your guide to all things hygge? Meik is CEO of the Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen and has spent years studying the magic of Danish life. In this beautiful, inspiring book he will help you be more hygge: from picking the right lighting and planning a dinner party through to creating an emergency hygge kit and even how to dress.

Meik Wiking is the CEO of the Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen. He is committed to finding out what makes people happy and has concluded that hygge is the magic ingredient that makes Danes the happiest nation in the world.

Stillness Is The Key (Ryan Holiday)

 

Books like this are changing my life. Love it! I've been trying to meditate daily since March and I believe it is making a difference in how I handle the back to school stress of school during a pandemic. 

Quotes and notes:

Page xiv

To Seneca and his fellow adherents of stoic philosophy, if a person could develop peace within themselves - if they could achieve apatheia, as they called it-then the whole world could be at war, and they could still think well, work well, and be well. "You may be sure that you are at peace with yourself, "Seneca wrote, "when no noise reaches you, when no word shakes you out of yourself, whether it be flattery or a threat, or merely an empty sound buzzing about you with unmeaning sin." In this state, nothing could touch them (not even a deranged emperor), no emotion could disturb them, no threat could interrupt them, and every beat of the present moment would be theirs for living.

A wealth of information creates a poverty of attention - Herbert Simon

p. 31 Napolean was content with being behind on his mail, even if it upset some people or if he missed  out on some gossip, because it meant that trivial problems had to resolve themselves without him. We need to cultivate a similar attitude - give things a little space, don't consume news in real time, be a season or two behind on the latest trend or cultural phenomenon, don't let your inbox lord over your life.

p. 32 In her diary in 1942, Dorothy Day, the Catholic nun and social activist, admonished herself...."Turn off your radio," she wrote, "put away your daily paper. Read one review of events and spend time reading." Books, spending time reading books - that's what she meant. Books full of wisdom.

(Stillness is the Key, Ryan Holiday, p. 32)

April 2025: There are so many sections of this book that I love. The "Take a Walk" chapter really struck me this time. I need to get walking back into my daily life.

Take a Walk (p. 192) A cantankerous Danish philosopher, Soren Kirkegaard, was particularly eloquent in his writing about walking, but he was by no means alone in his dedication to the practice - nor alone in reaping the benefits. Nietzsche said that the ideas in Thus Spoke Zarathustra came to him on a long walk. Nikola Tesla discovered the rotating magnetic field, one of the most important scientific discoveries of all time on a walk through a city ark in Budapest in 1882. When he lived in Paris, Ermest Hemingway would take long walks along the quais whenever he was stuck in his writing and needed to clarify his thinking. Charles Darwin's daily scheduled included several walks, as did those of Steve Jobs and the groundbreaking psychologists Amos Tversky and Daniel Kahneman, the latter of whom wrote that "I did the best thinking of my life on leisurely walks with Amos. It was the physical activity in the body, Kahneman said, that got his brain going.

p. 196 Consider who may have walked in this very spot before you. Consider the person who paved the asphalt you are standing on. What was going on with them? Where are they now? What did they believe/ what problems did they have?

When you feel the tug of your responsibilities or the desire to check in with the outside world, push yourself a bit further. If you're on a path you have trod before, take a sudden turn down a street or up a hill where you haven't been before. Feel the unfamiliarity and the newness of these surroundings, drink in what you have not yet tasted.

Get lost. Be unreachable. Go slowly.

It's an affordable luxury available to us all. Even the poorest pauper can go for a nice walk - in a national park or an empty parking lot. Goodreads says: In The Obstacle Is the Way and Ego Is the Enemy, bestselling author Ryan Holiday made ancient wisdom wildly popular with a new generation of leaders in sports, politics, and technology. In his new book, Stillness Is the Key, Holiday draws on timeless Stoic and Buddhist philosophy to show why slowing down is the secret weapon for those charging ahead.

All great leaders, thinkers, artists, athletes, and visionaries share one indelible quality. It enables them to conquer their tempers. To avoid distraction and discover great insights. To achieve happiness and do the right thing. Ryan Holiday calls it stillness--to be steady while the world spins around you.

In this book, he outlines a path for achieving this ancient, but urgently necessary way of living. Drawing on a wide range of history's greatest thinkers, from Confucius to Seneca, Marcus Aurelius to Thich Nhat Hanh, John Stuart Mill to Nietzsche, he argues that stillness is not mere inactivity, but the doorway to self-mastery, discipline, and focus.

Holiday also examines figures who exemplified the power of stillness: baseball player Sadaharu Oh, whose study of Zen made him the greatest home run hitter of all time; Winston Churchill, who in balancing his busy public life with time spent laying bricks and painting at his Chartwell estate managed to save the world from annihilation in the process; Fred Rogers, who taught generations of children to see what was invisible to the eye; Anne Frank, whose journaling and love of nature guided her through unimaginable adversity.

More than ever, people are overwhelmed. They face obstacles and egos and competition. Stillness Is the Key offers a simple but inspiring antidote to the stress of 24/7 news and social media. The stillness that we all seek is the path to meaning, contentment, and excellence in a world that needs more of it than ever. 

Dare to Lead (Brené Brown)

There is a lot to think about and to go back and re-read in this book. I am going to put it on my books to re-read annually.

Goodreads says:

In her #1 NYT bestsellers, Brené Brown taught us what it means to dare greatly, rise strong and brave the wilderness. Now, based on new research conducted with leaders, change makers and culture shifters, she’s showing us how to put those ideas into practice so we can step up and lead.

Leadership is not about titles, status and power over people. Leaders are people who hold themselves accountable for recognising the potential in people and ideas, and developing that potential. This is a book for everyone who is ready to choose courage over comfort, make a difference and lead.

When we dare to lead, we don't pretend to have the right answers; we stay curious and ask the right questions. We don't see power as finite and hoard it; we know that power becomes infinite when we share it and work to align authority and accountability. We don't avoid difficult conversations and situations; we lean into the vulnerability that’s necessary to do good work.

But daring leadership in a culture that's defined by scarcity, fear and uncertainty requires building courage skills, which are uniquely human. The irony is that we're choosing not to invest in developing the hearts and minds of leaders at the same time we're scrambling to figure out what we have to offer that machines can't do better and faster. What can we do better? Empathy, connection and courage to start.

Brené Brown spent the past two decades researching the emotions that give meaning to our lives. Over the past seven years, she found that leaders in organisations ranging from small entrepreneurial start-ups and family-owned businesses to non-profits, civic organisations and Fortune 50 companies, are asking the same questions:

How do you cultivate braver, more daring leaders? And, how do you embed the value of courage in your culture?

Dare to Lead answers these questions and gives us actionable strategies and real examples from her new research-based, courage-building programme.

Brené writes, ‘One of the most important findings of my career is that courage can be taught, developed and measured. Courage is a collection of four skill sets supported by twenty-eight behaviours. All it requires is a commitment to doing bold work, having tough conversations and showing up with our whole hearts. Easy? No. Choosing courage over comfort is not easy. Worth it? Always. We want to be brave with our lives and work. It's why we're here.’

Outer Order, Inner Calm (Gretchen Rubin)

I'm a big Gretchen Rubin fan. I've read The Happiness Project, The Four Tendencies and Better Than Before  (which I try to re-read about every six months). Since I enjoyed all of those so much, I pre-ordered this and was happy to get it as soon as it came out. I think it's definitely one to re-visit annually.

This one is different than the others. It's a quick read with a really narrow focus: lots of tips for organizing. One thing I love about Gretchen Rubin is that she doesn't get stuck on one way to do things. I read The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up and didn't love it because she was too prescriptive with one right way to de-clutter and organize. Gretchen Rubin recognizes that there are a lot of good ways to accomplish the same thing. I especially connected with the section on the importance of the words we use (instead of apologizing for being late, thank people for waiting....instead of mindlessly wandering, explore and so on). She had some good tips. I read it while we were driving on a family trip and found myself anxiously looking forward to getting home to implement some of the strategies.



Goodreads says:

Bestselling author of The Four Tendencies and The Happiness Project Gretchen Rubin illuminates one of her key realizations about happiness: For most of us, outer order contributes to inner calm. In a new book packed with more than one hundred concrete ideas, she helps us create the order and organization that can make our lives happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative. 

In the context of a happy life, a messy desk or crowded coat closet is a trivial problem–yet Gretchen Rubin has found that getting control of the stuff of life makes us feel more in control of our lives generally. By getting rid of things we don’t use, don’t need, or don’t love, as well as things that don’t work, don’t fit, or don’t suit, we free our mind (and our shelves) for what we truly value. 

In this trim book filled with insights, strategies, and sometimes surprising tips, Gretchen tackles the key challenges of creating outer order, by explaining how to “Make Choices,” “Create Order,” “Know Yourself–and Others,” “Cultivate Helpful Habits,” and, of course, “Add Beauty.” 

When we get our possessions under control, we feel both calmer and more energetic. With a sense of humor, and also a clear sense of what’s realistic for most people, Gretchen suggests dozens of manageable steps for creating a more serene, orderly environment–one that helps us to create the lives we yearn for.

The Great Gatsby (F Scott Fitzgerald)

Once again, a book I would have never pushed through and read if it wasn't for being part of a book club. I feel like there is really much more to this book than I've figured out - but I did get a few things from it. This is definitely one to read again and I really look forward to the book club discussion this week.

The characters seem to have this idea that they're always chasing happiness. Gatsby thinks that if he can only have Daisy, then everything will be perfect and he'll be happy. Wrong. The American dream is about the fact that you don't have to be royal to be rich - but this book seems to beat that up.

The narrator is Nick Carraway. Care Away?? He starts off with some wise words: Reserving judgment is a matter of infinite hope - the grasp of hope or pursuit of what people want is what keeps them chasing happiness. They're all a bunch of shallow fools who are always chasing something, but never finding it. Just like in Romeo and Juliet - people who are born to privilege often run straight into disaster and it ruins them.

These characters are people who aren't willing to do the work. Nick inherited his money from someone who paid another person off so he wouldn't have to go fight the civil war for them.  Gatsby throws all the parties just for one reason: To win back Daisy (or is it to win her mansion)

Early in the book they're at a party and a guy gets in an accident. The wheel falls of his car but he keeps trying to drive it. To me, this is like Trump!! The wheels are falling off dude. It's time to get out - but just like the guy in the book, he won't get out. He will keep driving the car until it is ruined.

Gold and yellow seem to be colors given status: Gatsby's car, his tie, the button on Daisy's dress, money, the flowers that Nick says smell like pale gold. The green light at the end of Daisy's dock that Gatsby is always looking at across the bay is also similar. Gatsby thirsts for that light...the house....Daisy. Nick calls it an enchanted object - a false God, I'd say. We all have things that we chase and give honor to that aren't worth anything long term.

The yellow is actually corruption, a-morality, and in the end, death. Right now, in American politics, it seems like people really love Trump mostly because of his success with creating wealth. Just like Trump, no one came across their money honestly and there is never enough money. Everyone always wants more and more and more wealth. The car that Daisy is driving when she kills someone, is also yellow. Pursuing all that stuff makes you unhappy and maybe even evil in the end.

Daisy tells a story about a butler who used to polish silver for the rich people he worked for. He did it day and night until the silver polish ruined his nose. Lesson?! These parties won't last forever and the pursuit of money is not equal to the pursuit of happiness. In the end, Gatsby dies and no one attends his funeral or cares. They just want to pick up their shoes from the house before they're lost. Everyone wants a care-free life - but in the end, Gatsby was not ok. He was chasing happiness but never found it.

Goodreads says:
A true classic of twentieth-century literature, this edition has been updated by Fitzgerald scholar James L.W. West III to include the author’s final revisions and features a note on the composition and text, a personal foreword by Fitzgerald’s granddaughter, Eleanor Lanahan—and a new introduction by two-time National Book Award winner Jesmyn Ward.

The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald’s third book, stands as the supreme achievement of his career. First published in 1925, this quintessential novel of the Jazz Age has been acclaimed by generations of readers. The story of the mysteriously wealthy Jay Gatsby and his love for the beautiful Daisy Buchanan, of lavish parties on Long Island at a time when The New York Times noted “gin was the national drink and sex the national obsession,” it is an exquisitely crafted tale of America in the 1920s. 

There, There (Tim Beiser)

I love the illustrations in this story! The rabbit is hilarious and the bear really tries hard to help the rabbit look on the bright side. But just like anyone, he gets tired of things too. Then along comes an innocent worm who's just living his life and thinks things are fine and it gets pointed out that his life really sucks - but he doesn't agree! Funny and a great book on looking on the bright side of things.

This story reminded me of Alexander and his No Good Terrible Very Bad Day


Goodreads says:

For fans of Penguin Problems and A Birthday for Bear, the story of a whiny rabbit pushing a patient bear to the end of his tether and learning a lesson in looking on the bright side.

Do you ever feel like everything is terrible? Like nothing is ever right and you just want to hide under your pillow? Well Rabbit does, and he's not shy about sharing it. He whines, he complains, he moans, he grumps... until Bear has had enough and decides it's time for Rabbit to learn to appreciate what he has. Using nothing but the lowly common earthworm as an example, he teaches Rabbit a lesson about taking things for granted. Something the worm knows all about...

Written in charming verse and featuring a delightfully domestic bear and a very surly rabbit, There, There is a fantastic tongue-in-cheek riff on the idea that "it could be worse..."

Foxtrot (Becka Moor)

Fox loves to dance, but not everyone is supportive of his passion. He tries a few other things to keep other people happy, but in the end, learns he just has to dance. Don't worry about those who are , naysaying negative dang gum cry babies! The lesson: You do you!


Goodreads says:

A charming picture book about a fox who loves to dance.

Meet the fox who tangos with his toast and mambos with his marmalade! Foxtrot loves to whirl and twirl, but not everyone is happy about his dancing feet, and they land him in a lot of trouble. Will he be able to dance his way out of it?

The Sworn Virgin (Kristopher Dukes)

I really reveled in the theme of a woman not just falling to societal expectations, but instead doing what she needed to do to not just survive, but to live.

I enjoyed the twists and turns to the story. They definitely kept me reading. I was also taken by the seriousness with which oaths are taken.

On Goodreads the author shared how she came up with the idea for the book.

Years ago, I read an article in The New York Times about the last remaining sworn virgins in the mountains of Albania. Immediately, the basic conflict of "The Sworn Virgin," based on the true tradition, popped into my mind: What happens when you must choose between your love, or your life?

I began researching the culture of the Albanian mountains, learning how traveling into the mountains in 1910, from a Western point of view, was like traveling back thousands of years in time. Understanding the rules of Eleanora's world shaped the context of the characters, and how Eleanora could be true to her time -- but a rebel, as well.



Goodreads says:

What would you do if your father was suddenly and mysteriously murdered, leaving you alone in 1910s Albania?

When 18-year-old Diana’s father is mysteriously shot dead in the cobblestone streets of 1910s Albania, Diana must abandon her dream of studying art in Italy as she struggles to survive in a remote mountain village with her stepmother Mirlinda. 

Nearing starvation, Mirlinda secretly sells Diana into marriage with Edi, the cruel heir of a powerful clan. Rather than lose her freedom, Diana swears to remain a virgin for the rest of her life, a tradition that gives her the right to live as a man: she is now head of her household, can work for a living and carry a gun. She may participate in the vengeful blood feuds that consume the mountain tribes, but she may not be killed—unless she forsakes her vow. 

When an ill stranger stumbles into her life, she nurses him back to health, saving his life but risking her own when she falls in love with him. . .

Healthy Brain, Healthy Life (Wendy Suzuki)

I'm fascinated at how exercise is such a big part of every brain book I read. It makes all the difference. I can testify to that! I loved her research on how exercise helps with creativity, problem solving, mood and more. It made me want to recommit to getting my students to move more. I also think that when the school day ends, I should go for a walk around the block and think about what went great and what I need to follow up on the next day before I sit down. Perhaps I'd be more productive if I did. Her stories of voicing intentions while exercising made a lot of sense. I have read recently how important it is to use all the senses to increase memory - see it, read it, write it, say it. This fits well with what she talked about.

I really enjoyed the mix of science and personal experiences in this book. It made it much more relate-able than just straight science research.

This book made me want to work on adding meditation to my life.

I listened to this as an audio book and I have to admit I found the voice a little irritating. It was a little too bouncy and chipper (which I feel silly saying...but it's true). I liked the brain hacks (ways to implement the topics of the chapter) at the end of each chapter.


Goodreads says:

Dr. Wendy Suzuki one day woke up and realized she didn’t have a life. As an almost-40-year-old award-winning college professor, world-renowned neuroscientist, she had—what many considered—everything: tenure as a professor at New York University; her own very successful neuroscience research lab; prizes for scientific discoveries on cognition and memory; articles published in prestigious scientific journals. As a woman and a scientist, she was the envy of her peers and lauded by her superiors. On paper, she had a stellar career and an impeccable record. 

What could she possibly be missing? Everything else. 

Suzuki was overweight. She was tired. She was lonely, had strained work relationships, and for the first time in her life, completely without direction. So she resolved to change her life. The first step--get moving. 

Everyone knows that exercise makes you feel better—that when you hit the gym despite the dread, you leave in a better mood. Healthy Brain, Happy Life offers the real science of how exercise effects your mind. 

Using Wendy’s journey from frumpy, fat and frustrated to fit and fabulous as a guide, Healthy Brain offers not just the HOWS of making exercise an important part of life, but the WHYS of the benefits it brings. But movement is just the first step to being Brain Healthy. Once you get your body and mind hooked on exercise, you bring in practices in mindfullness to calm stress and allow your minds to wander to unlock creativity. As your brain begins to change (something called neuroplasticity), the benefits build--you get fitter, improve your memory, increase your ability to work quickly and move from task to task easily. 

Along with Dr. Suzuki’s 4 minute Brain Hacks, Healthy Brain, Happy Life offers a simple program for changing your life, straight from a leading scientist’s personal experience.

What I Know For Sure (Oprah Winfrey)

This book made me think I should write down what I know for sure.

I loved reading this. She is big on take responsibility for your life, make your own happiness and follow your heart. Goodreads says: As a creative force, student of the human heart and soul, and champion of living the life you want, Oprah Winfrey stands alone. Over the years, she has made history with a legendary talk show - the highest-rated program of its kind, launched her own television network, become the nation's only African-American billionaire, and been awarded both an honorary degree by Harvard University and the Presidential Medal of Freedom. From all her experiences, she has gleaned life lessons—which, for fourteen years, she's shared in O, The Oprah Magazine's widely popular "What I Know For Sure" column, a monthly source of inspiration and revelation. Now, for the first time, these thoughtful gems have been revised, updated, and collected in What I Know For Sure, a beautiful cloth bound book with a ribbon marker, packed with insight and revelation from Oprah Winfrey. Organized by theme—joy, resilience, connection, gratitude, possibility, awe, clarity, and power—these essays offer a rare, powerful and intimate glimpse into the heart and mind of one of the world's most extraordinary women—while providing readers a guide to becoming their best selves. Candid, moving, exhilarating, uplifting, and frequently humorous, the words Oprah shares in What I Know For Sure shimmer with the sort of truth that readers will turn to again and again.