This is a book I should have read when I was first called to be a Relief Society President. A lot of the information really agreed with what we learned in the Emotional Resilience class.
The idea of thinking about why we are uncomfortable about listening to people's complaints really resonated with me.
She also has a chapter on complaining....when it's appropriate, how to move forward from it, etc.
Lots of my beliefs about happiness were challenged in this book!
Notes:
The single biggest predictor of happiness is the quality of relationships but she reminds that relationships are never perfect.
Life will challenge you and it will reward you.
Happiness isn't always the optimal emotion for every situation.
The universe may give you more than you can handle. Somehow, you will find the people, places and resources you need to handle it.
Not everything positive is toxic.
Toxic positivity in the real world:
- tells people they shouldn't be feeling what they're feeling
= implies that people are negative if they can't find the silver lining in everything
- encourages people to be happy all the time and always see the good
- ends relationships or conversations because we don't want any negativity or bad vibes
- uses phrase or statements that diminish what the person is experiencing in an attempt to help them feel better or get over it
- only looks out for the good and ignores anything bad
- shames people for having bad days or negative moments
Helpful positivity:
- recognizes the value of seeing the good and allows people to arrive at their own beneficial conclusions and to take their time getting there
- recognizes that people have a variety of emotions, some more challenging than others, and allows people to see the good and the bad sides of any situation
- has an understanding that not all situations have a silver lining and we will still experience joy
- encourages emotional expression from others, with boundaries, and from within ourselves, knowing that for some to experience happiness, they often have to work through and process the pain
- looks for and recognizes the highs and lows of a situation
Goodreads says:
A powerful guide to owning our emotions--even the difficult ones--in order to show up authentically in the world, from the popular therapist behind the Instagram account @sitwithwhit.
Every day, we're bombarded with pressure to be positive. From "good vibes only" and "life is good" memes, to endless advice, to "look on the bright side," we're constantly told that the key to happiness is silencing negativity wherever it crops up, in ourselves and in others. Even when faced with illness, loss, breakups, and other challenges, there's little space for talking about our real feelings--and processing them so that we can feel better and move forward.
But if all this positivity is the answer, why are so many of us anxious, depressed, and burned out?
In this refreshingly honest guide, sought-after therapist Whitney Goodman shares the latest research along with everyday examples and client stories that reveal how damaging toxic positivity is to ourselves and our relationships, and presents simple ways to experience and work through difficult emotions. The result is more authenticity, connection, and growth--and ultimately, a path to showing up as you truly are.