Toxic Positivity (Whitney Goodman, LMFT)

This is a book I should have read when I was first called to be a Relief Society President. A lot of the information really agreed with what we learned in the Emotional Resilience class.  

The idea of thinking about why we are uncomfortable about listening to people's complaints really resonated with me.

She also has a chapter on complaining....when it's appropriate, how to move forward from it, etc.

Lots of my beliefs about happiness were challenged in this book! 

Notes:

The single biggest predictor of happiness is the quality of relationships but she reminds that relationships are never perfect. 

Life will challenge you and it will reward you.

Happiness isn't always the optimal emotion for every situation.

The universe may give you more than you can handle. Somehow, you will find the people, places and resources you need to handle it.

Not everything positive is toxic. 

Toxic positivity in the real world:

- tells people they shouldn't be feeling what they're feeling

= implies that people are negative if they can't find the silver lining in everything

- encourages people to be happy all the time and always see the good

- ends relationships or conversations because we don't want any negativity or bad vibes

- uses phrase or statements that diminish what the person is experiencing in an attempt to help them feel better or get over it

- only looks out for the good and ignores anything bad

- shames people for having bad days or negative moments

Helpful positivity:

- recognizes the value of seeing the good and allows people to arrive at their own beneficial conclusions and to take their time getting there

- recognizes that people have a variety of emotions, some more challenging than others, and allows people to see the good and the bad sides of any situation

- has an understanding that not all situations have a silver lining and we will still experience joy

- encourages emotional expression from others, with boundaries, and from within ourselves, knowing that for some to experience happiness, they often have to work through and process the pain

- looks for and recognizes the highs and lows of a situation

Goodreads says:

A powerful guide to owning our emotions--even the difficult ones--in order to show up authentically in the world, from the popular therapist behind the Instagram account @sitwithwhit.

Every day, we're bombarded with pressure to be positive. From "good vibes only" and "life is good" memes, to endless advice, to "look on the bright side," we're constantly told that the key to happiness is silencing negativity wherever it crops up, in ourselves and in others. Even when faced with illness, loss, breakups, and other challenges, there's little space for talking about our real feelings--and processing them so that we can feel better and move forward.

But if all this positivity is the answer, why are so many of us anxious, depressed, and burned out?

In this refreshingly honest guide, sought-after therapist Whitney Goodman shares the latest research along with everyday examples and client stories that reveal how damaging toxic positivity is to ourselves and our relationships, and presents simple ways to experience and work through difficult emotions. The result is more authenticity, connection, and growth--and ultimately, a path to showing up as you truly are.

What Happened To you (James Catchpole)

 

Great book for teaching kids about thinking about questions they ask...how do you think that person feels when you ask that question. Getting to know a person and appreciating things they love before asking too many personal questions is a good start to positive personal relationships.

Goodreads says:

The first ever picture book addressing how a disabled child might want to be spoken to.

What happened to you? Was it a shark? A burglar? A lion? Did it fall off?

Every time Joe goes out the questions are the same . . . what happened to his leg? But is this even a question Joe has to answer?

A ground-breaking, funny story that helps children understand what it might feel like to be seen as different.

A Family is a Family (Sara O'Leary)

 

This book could make for a great classroom project....to write about our families and how they're unique. 

I used to shy away from books that include LGBTQ people - but talking about this is part of the curriculum now and this is a great way to do it. This books has different races, a foster family, two families with LGBTQ representation, an interracial family and many more. Seeing yourself in books matters.

Goodreads says:

When a teacher asks the children in her class to think about what makes their families special, the answers are all different in many ways — but the same in the one way that matters most of all.

One child is worried that her family is just too different to explain, but listens as her classmates talk about what makes their families special. One is raised by a grandmother, and another has two dads. One is full of stepsiblings, and another has a new baby.

As one by one, her classmates describe who they live with and who loves them — family of every shape, size and every kind of relation — the child realizes that as long as her family is full of caring people, her family is special.

A warm and whimsical look at many types of families written by award-winning author Sara O’Leary, A Family is a Family is a Family springs to life with quirky and sweet illustrations by Qin Leng.

More Than Words (Roz Maclean)

 This author is Canadian and her bio says she is passionate about education, inclusion and the arts. I'd like to know her! She has many more books on her website that are perfect for learning about inclusion.

"You might think talking is the only way to say something. Well, it is one way."

I love the list of suggestions at the back to help everyone have communication access:

- Have an open and accepting attitude to all ways of communications

- Instead of ignoring someone with a communication disability, show an interest in getting to know them.

- Make sure you are directing your attention to the person you are communicating with, not their communication partner.

- Ask questions and learn about how someone communicates

- Remember that just because someone doesn't speak doesn't make they don't understand

- Presume competence: believe someone can understand you and express themselves if they have the right tools and they learn to use those tools

- Understand that learning to use a communication system takes time, practice and support.

- Using a communication system can take longer. Allow extra time and be patient with yourself and others.

- Learn some (or a lot of ) sign language.

- Be aware of your surroundings. Noise, distractions, stress or feeling overwhelmed may impact ability to communicate.

We can all work together to help everyone have communication access!

Goodreads says:

A CBC Kids Reads Competition Finalist

In the tradition of All Are Welcome and The Day You Begin comes a touching picture book about the many unique ways we communicate, and how we can better listen to and respect these different modes of expression.

Nathan doesn't say much.
He sure has a lot on his mind, though.

At school, Nathan quietly observes the ways his peers communicate. Even when they’re not talking, they’re expressing themselves in all sorts of ways!

By witnessing the beauty of communication diversity, Nathan learns and shows his classmates the essential Not only does everyone have something to say, but seeking to understand one another can be the greatest bridge to friendship and belonging.

This tender, stunningly illustrated picture book explores and celebrates the many forms of expression—signing, speaking, singing, smiling, among others—and culminates in a poignant story about connection and understanding.

Includes additional material at the end of the book with vocabulary, an introduction to various forms of communication, and information about communication access, perfect for back-to-school and classroom discussions.

The Fairy Tale Fan Club (Richard Ayoade)

 

This is a very clever book. There are letters written to different fairy tale characters to ask about their experiences...and the responses are matter of fact, clever and cheeky. I loved it! 

You could use this book as an example and have students write letters to characters in a book.

Goodreads says:
What if you could send fan mail to your fairy tale idols? And what if they wrote back? “Happily ever after” takes on a new meaning in this book from actor-comedian-author Richard Ayoade and best-selling illustrator David Roberts.

It’s once upon a time . . . as only the irreverently witty Richard Ayoade can tell it. In this series of letters organized by C. C. Cecily, Senior Secretary of the Fairy Tale Fan Club, the fairest of them all (and a few bitter foes) correspond with curious—and opinionated—fans. So if you’ve ever wondered how a less-than-genius (and less-than-clothed) emperor fell for a certain con, how the Big Bad Wolf is handling meatless Mondays, or whether Rapunzel recommends going for the big chop, no need to look far, far away. Multihyphenate Richard Ayoade, author of The Book That No One Wanted to Read, hilariously imagines what questions modern children would have for characters such as Sleeping Beauty, Prince Charming, and Little Red Riding Hood—and what they might have to say in return. Complete with clever, spoof-gothic illustrations from David Roberts, this wry storybook may have even the Brothers Grimm cackling in their graves.

The Next Conversation (Jefferson Fisher)

 

Jefferson Fisher is the real deal. He seems authentic and kind. His social media account is full of helpful communication ideas...and he communicates them so well! I also subscribed to his podcast after reading the book. I'll always make time to listen to him. His book is a quick read. He doesn't get caught up in theories. It's full of lots of how-to's.

Goodreads says:

From communication expert Jefferson Fisher, the definitive book on making your next conversation the one that changes everything

No matter who you’re talking to, The Next Conversation gives you immediately actionable strategies and phrases that will forever change how you communicate. Jefferson Fisher, trial lawyer and one of the leading voices on real-world communication, offers a tried-and-true framework that will show you how to transform your life and your relationships by improving your next conversation.

Fisher has gained millions of followers through short, simple, practical videos teaching people how to argue less and talk more. Whether it’s handling a heated conversation, dealing with a difficult personality, or standing your ground with confidence, his down-to-earth teachings have helped countless people navigate life’s toughest situations. Now for the first time, Fisher has distilled his three-part communication system (Say it with control, Say it with confidence, Say it to connect) that can easily be applied to any situation.

You will learn:

- Why you should never “win” an argument
- How to assert yourself and communicate with intention
- How to set boundaries and frame conversations
- Why saying less is often more
- How to overcome conflict with connection

The Next Conversation will give you practical phrases that will lead to powerful results, from breaking down defensiveness in a hard talk with a family member to finding your own assertive voice at the boardroom conference table. Your every word matters, and by controlling how you communicate every day, you will create waves of positive impact that will resonate throughout your relationships to last a lifetime.

Everything you want to say, and how you want to say it, can be found in The Next Conversation.

The First State of Being (Erin Entrada Kelly)

 

I can't say I'm a big science fiction fan, but I did enjoy this book. I thought it was interesting that the present is set in 1999....not a year any YA readers will really know. I do think this would be a good book to do a class. There is potential for great discussion about friendship, change, the future, time travel, etc. I think this might be a tough one in grade 3....it'd work better in middle school. 

I loved how at the end it all got pulled together and told us what the characters did in the future. The main character, Michael, does a lot of worrying about the future, especially Y2K, which is interesting when we know what a nothing burger it ended up being. 

We read this book for our Children's Lit book club. Someone made a peach dump cake (Michael steals canned goods, especially peaches) and we had lemonade from the sunshine crew at the high school as well as a charcuterie board Janet brought. It was a great evening! 

This is a Newberry winner. Interesting choice! I think this is a book I'd appreciate more and more the more times I read it. I'd enjoy discussing it with students.

Goodreads says:
When twelve-year-old Michael Rosario meets a mysterious boy from the future, his life is changed forever.

It's August 1999. For twelve-year-old Michael Rosario, life at Fox Run Apartments in Red Knot, Delaware, is as ordinary as ever—except for the looming Y2K crisis and his overwhelming crush on his fifteen-year-old babysitter, Gibby. But when a disoriented teenage boy named Ridge appears out of nowhere, Michael discovers there is more to life than stockpiling supplies and pining over Gibby.

It turns out that Ridge is carefree, confident, and bold, things Michael wishes he could be. Unlike Michael, however, Ridge isn’t where he belongs. When Ridge reveals that he’s the world’s first time traveler, Michael and Gibby are stunned but curious. As Ridge immerses himself in 1999—fascinated by microwaves, basketballs, and malls—Michael discovers that his new friend has a book that outlines the events of the next twenty years, and his curiosity morphs into something else: focused determination. Michael wants—no, needs—to get his hands on that book. How else can he prepare for the future? But how far is he willing to go to get it?