Braving the Wilderness (Brené Brown)

 

I really needed this. I read it in a day. This book completely flips how we look at cliques. She says that belonging isn't something we achieve with others. Instead, it is something we cultivate within ourselves. 

Fitting in is not the same as belonging. Fitting in is about assessing a group and changing who you are to be accepted by them. Belonging, however, requires you to be exactly who you are. There is no need to hustle for anyone's approval. If a tight-knit groups lacks the maturity to include you, you can just move on. 

She uses the wilderness as a metaphor for isolation, vulnerability and being on your own. She argues that standing alone, which can be terrifying, is where your true power lies. For me, the portable can seem like the wilderness but it is also a boundary of peace. The physical separation separates me from toxic energy and cliques.

She suggests three important approaches: having a strong back, soft front and wild heart. 

Strong back:

• key to navigating tough social landscapes
• set firm professional boundaries 

Soft front: 

• stay compassionate 
• don't let people's coldness turn you into a bitter person
• say your 60-second hello's, but do it for your integrity, not anyone else's response (or lack thereof)

Wild heart:  

• Hold fast to your "why" (a love of teaching and of students) which exists independent of any other social situations.

Goodreads says:
"True belonging doesn't require us to change who we are. It requires us to be who we are." Social scientist Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, has sparked a global conversation about the experiences that bring meaning to our lives--experiences of courage, vulnerability, love, belonging, shame, and empathy. In Braving the Wilderness, Brown redefines what it means to truly belong in an age of increased polarization. With her trademark mix of research, storytelling, and honesty, Brown will again change the cultural conversation while mapping a clear path to true belonging.

Brown argues that we're experiencing a spiritual crisis of disconnection, and introduces four practices of true belonging that challenge everything we believe about ourselves and each other. She writes, "True belonging requires us to believe in and belong to ourselves so fully that we can find sacredness both in being a part of something and in standing alone when necessary. But in a culture that's rife with perfectionism and pleasing, and with the erosion of civility, it's easy to stay quiet, hide in our ideological bunkers, or fit in rather than show up as our true selves and brave the wilderness of uncertainty and criticism. But true belonging is not something we negotiate or accomplish with others; it's a daily practice that demands integrity and authenticity. It's a personal commitment that we carry in our hearts." Brown offers us the clarity and courage we need to find our way back to ourselves and to each other. And that path cuts right through the wilderness. Brown writes, "The wilderness is an untamed, unpredictable place of solitude and searching. It is a place as dangerous as it is breathtaking, a place as sought after as it is feared. But it turns out to be the place of true belonging, and it's the bravest and most sacred place you will ever stand."

Big Time (Laura Vanderkam)

 

I've always believed we could all do a little more if only we were a little more organize - and this book helped justify my thinking! She really celebrates the idea of dreaming big and planning small - what can you do every day to get you to your goal? 

I've read other books by this author. I agree with her approach to use of time.

Notes:

On what is the minimum you can do or can accept as enough, every day:   
p. 69  When the project itself is massive, sometimes the temptation is not to accept this ease and to feel like you should do more. 

Please, resist this temptation. When you race ahead, unless you can actually see the finish line, the pace stops being sustainable. Plus, if you get ahead, you might be tempted to start skipping days, and then you can lose momentum. Better to keep going with just a little more than nothing, knowing that the difference between nothing adn a little more than nothing is cumulatively great. 

p. 144 Charlie Brown says, "Some day, we will all die, Snoopy!" The dog replies, "True, but on all the other days, we will not." ....so let's get going and do something.

She really encourages you to keep a time log so you can figure out how you're spending your time, then ask yourself:

p. 173 What do you like most about your schedule?
Look at the major categories of how you spend your time.
Do these numbers reflect how you'd like to spend your time?
What do you think realistic, ideal week would look like?
What would you like next week to look like? 

p. 179 Tactic 2: How to run a weekly planning session

1. Choose a regular planning time

2. Look at the landscape? What do you have going on next week?

3. Make yourself a priority list for the upcoming week.

4. Look at everything else (obligations, expectations, logistics, of who needs to go where, etc.)

5. Make sure you have something you are looking forward to.

p. 182 Build a better workday.

Spend time doing the things you like to do most

Spend 15 minutes deepening a work friendship

Take two intentional breaks each day

Goodreads says:

A beloved productivity expert’s mind-opening and schedule-expanding guide to making the most of every hour.

Most of us have an adversarial relationship with time. We’re constantly trying to beat the clock―behavior rooted in a fear that time is scarce and must be obsessed over, hoarded, and ultraoptimized. But what if there is a different way to view time, one that could make our hours feel abundant? What if we believed that we had enough time to advance our careers, enjoy meaningful relationships, pursue hobbies, and more? In Big Time, time management expert Laura Vanderkam shows us how to make this our reality.

Drawing on original research about how hundreds of real people spend their time and her own experience of tracking her time for a decade, Vanderkam shows how even busy people can come to feel that time is abundant. Big Time offers simple, tested tactics with high impact, such as developing a “ringmaster” mindset; breaking big goals into daily, bite-sized pieces; and making little bets within a schedule to increase the odds of a breakthrough. Through actionable advice for managing a complex life, Vanderkam demonstrates how we can feel liberated by the time we have, instead of restrained by it.

By turns surprising, thought-provoking, and encouraging, Big Time shows readers that the daily experience of time can be quite spacious―and that, managed well, each day’s hours can be a source of happiness and satisfaction.

Unoffendable (Brant Hansen)

 

I might listen to this on repeat. I was recommended by a PFS person I follow and she was right. It's so good!! The concepts he covers are a perfect approach to life. The audio is especially good. He doesn't sound like he's reading - just talking. 

Goodreads says:

It turns out giving up your “right” to be offended can be one of the most freeing, healthy, simplifying, relaxing, refreshing, stress-relieving, encouraging things you can do. It’s a radical, provocative We’re not entitled to get offended or stay angry. The idea of our own “righteous anger” is a myth. It is the number one problem in our societies today and, as Dallas Willard says, Christians have not been taught out of it. But what if Christians were the most unoffendable people on the planet? In Unoffendable you will find concrete, practical ways to live life with less stress, In a humorous and conversational style, Unoffendable seeks to lift religious burdens from our backs and allow us to experience the joy of gratitude, perhaps for the first time, every single day of our lives—flourishing the way God intended.

The Haunting of Hill House (Shirley Jackson)

 

If it wasn't for book club, I never would have read this. Many reviews I read said it was the scariest of all books....but I didn't find it really scary. It really meandered. The plot finally started to move in the last 25 pages. All the people were kind of dull and definitely lonely...and crazy. It was published in 1959 and has that rambling, excessively wordy feeling of classic books. Meh.

I'm glad I ventured into a new genre, but I can't say I really loved it.

Goodreads says:

“Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness within. . . .”

Four seekers have arrived at the rambling old pile known as Hill House: Dr. Montague, an occult scholar looking for solid evidence of psychic phenomena; Theodora, his lovely and lighthearted assistant; Luke, the adventurous future inheritor of the estate; and Eleanor, a friendless, fragile young woman with a dark past. As they begin to cope with chilling, even horrifying occurrences beyond their control or understanding, they cannot possibly know what lies ahead. For Hill House is gathering its powers—and soon it will choose one of them to make its own.

The Missionary (Greg Hudson)

 

I was a little nervous to read this because I am active in the church and wondered if it would be disrespectful. It wasn't. I was a missionary once too. I loved my mission and clearly Greg did too. I thought the experiences he shared were pretty common to most people's missions - some of it is crazy and and weird but in the end, it is a growing experience that changes your life. 

The end made me sad. I am so sorry he went through what he did when he got home. I feel sad that people who should have been helpful weren't and I can understand why he had such a hard time reconciling everything for himself.

I love the cover. Well done! Greg is witty, sharp and good at making this topic relatable. I think he is one of the great people in this world.

Goodreads says:

Growing up in 1980s Edmonton, Greg Hudson loved pop music, comic books, and hanging out at the mall. But unlike most of his friends, Greg and his family were devout members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Yes, Greg Hudson was a Mormon.

As a boy, Greg wrestles with life’s big questions and Heavenly Father’s plan for him. As a teenager, he finds himself caught between the purity his church expects and the inner conflicts that puberty brings. On the one hand, Greg wants to be good and live his life pure of thought and deed, while on the other, he is consumed by his love of R-rated action films, Marvel and DC characters, Robbie Williams records, and, most troubling of all, thoughts about girls and sex. How is a young Mormon lad to to stay righteous with so many temptations in his path?

When it’s time for his mission—a two-year rite of passage meant to strengthen faith and spread the gospel—Greg hopes the experience will set him on the right path. Because of his diabetes, instead of being sent abroad, as most young Mormons are, he’s assigned to smaller communities across Ontario—Barrie, Sarnia, and Niagara Falls—where his encounters with the people he hopes to save end up transforming him in unexpected ways.

With sharp wit and unflinching honesty, The Missionary chronicles Hudson’s time in the field and the quirky, searching souls he meets along the way. Ultimately, in trying to lead others to salvation, he finds something even more his true self.

Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself (Dr Joe Dispenza)

 

At first I thought this was kind of hokey. However, the more I listened, the more legit it became in my mind. The idea of analyzing your thoughts, meditating/pondering and working on your self-talk hits on so many things I believe. 

Goodreads says:

You are not doomed by your genes and hardwired to be a certain way for the rest of your life. A new science is emerging that empowers all human beings to create the reality they choose. In Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, renowned author, speaker, researcher, and chiropractor Dr. Joe Dispenza combines the fields of quantum physics, neuroscience, brain chemistry, biology, and genetics to show you what is truly possible.

Not only will you be given the necessary knowledge to change any aspect of yourself, but you will be taught the step-by-step tools to apply what you learn in order to make measurable changes in any area of your life. Dr. Joe demystifies ancient understandings and bridges the gap between science and spirituality. Through his powerful workshops and lectures, thousands of people in 24 different countries have used these principles to change from the inside out. Once you break the habit of being yourself and truly change your mind, your life will never be the same!

The Lions' Run (Sara Pennypacker)

 

The inside cover says with art by Jon Klassen. This totally looks like art from his books. It's the eyes!  However, the cover gives away a lot. All through the book he doesn't consider himself someone who can ride horses...but yet the cover has him clearly sneaking away on a horse.

It was a great read. Quick too. I'm curious about why she told this story as J fiction. I am not sure I'd read it to anyone in the age it is recommended for.....drowning kittens, pregnant girls, giving babies to Nazis...it has a lot of big topics that would be too much for kids that age, I think.  Apparently, during WWII upwards of 20,000 babies were taken and given to Nazi families to raise.

That being said, I'm continually amazed at how I can read historical fiction stories about WWII and still learn new things. 

This was a great story of courage. A lot of the topics are pertinent to issues going on today with immigrants and families being torn apart. The idea of doing brave things despite feeling like you are not courageous is a good topic for these days. So many of us don't go forward because of anxiety when the it seems like we CAN in fact do hard things, even if we do feel nervous about it. 

The Yarn had a great podcast with the author. I liked her question about whether or not it is ever okay to break a law to do something you think is worth it. It reminded me of discussions I've had with kids about The Breadwinner. This story could be a good start to a discussion on that topic! 

Ch 49: "... Lucas found his arms reaching out ot welcome that hug she had wanted last week. It felt as if he was daring the world to come and destroy him... he had the astonishing sensation that he was connected to someone. If he had just opened himself up to complete devastation, being held was worth it."

Ch 51: "... The Great War, well, it wasn't so great. And they called it 'The war to end wars', but here we are again. Here we'll always be." "Maybe not. Maybe one day we'll learn." Lucas could believe it was him saying those words. But he just realized that hope was a job, and somebody had to do it, and today that somebody was him.

One spot that made me almost bawl....he's writing a letter to the woman who would have adopted him (the need to know you have a mother who loves you....it's huge)

p. 165 Whenever people ask me about my family, I will say that I have a mother who care about me and wants the best for me, he writes at last. I will tell them I love her.
His throat swells when he signs it, Your son.

Goodreads says:

The acclaimed, New York Times bestselling author of Pax delivers an historical novel about an orphan during WWII who discovers unexpected courage within himself when he becomes involved with the Resistance.

Petit éclair. That’s what the other boys at the orphanage call Lucas DuBois. Lucas is tired of his cowardly reputation, just as he’s tired of the war and the Nazi occupation of his French village. He longs to show how brave he can be.

He gets the chance when he saves a litter of kittens from cruel boys and brings them to an abandoned stable to care for them. There he comes upon a stranger who is none too happy to see Alice, the daughter of a horse trainer, who is hiding her filly from German soldiers.

Soon Lucas begins to realize they are not the only ones in the village with secrets. The housekeeper at the German maternity home and a priest at the orphanage pass coded messages; a young mother at the home makes dangerous plans to keep her baby from forced adoption; and a neighbor in town may be harboring a Jewish family.

Emboldened by the unlikely heroes all around him, Lucas is forced to decide how much he is willing to risk to make the most courageous rescue of all.

Perfect for fans of Alan Gratz, Ruta Sepetys, and Kimberly Brubaker Bradley, this accessible novel, told in short chapters, illuminates a little-known aspect of World War II history.