The Secrets of Happy Families (Bruce Fieler)

 

This was a great book to listen to. Even though our kids are grown, it had lots of good tips.

Notes

- Adapt all the time - Talk, a lot.  - Create a family narrative - learn about ancestors successes and failures. Spend time crafting the story of your positive moments and how you overcame challenges.  - play together 

All happy families are alike. All unhappy families are unhappy in their own way - Tolstoy 

Happiness is something we make. 

Choose happiness. 

The easiest path to unhappiness is to do nothing. 

Tackle the challenge 

Tweak the routines 

Reach for the green stick (Tolstoy reference)

Goodreads says:

In The Secrets of Happy Families, New York Times bestselling author Bruce Feiler has drawn up a blueprint for modern families — a new approach to family dynamics, inspired by cutting-edge techniques gathered from experts in the disciplines of science, business, sports, and the military.

▪Don't worry about family dinner.
▪Let your kids pick their punishments.
▪Ditch the sex talk.
▪Cancel date night.

These are just a few of the surprising innovations in this bold first-of-its-kind playbook for today's families. Bestselling author and New York Times family columnist Bruce Feiler found himself squeezed between caring for aging parents and raising his children. So he set out on a three-year journey to find the smartest solutions and the most cutting-edge research about families.

Instead of the usual family "experts," he sought out the most creative minds—from Silicon Valley to the set of Modern Family, from the country's top negotiators to the Green Berets—and asked them what team-building exercises and problem-solving techniques they use with their families. Feiler then tested these ideas with his wife and kids. The result is a fun, original look at how families can draw closer together, complete with 200 never-before-seen best practices.

Feiler's life-changing discoveries include a radical plan to reshape your family in twenty minutes a week, Warren Buffett's guide for setting an allowance, and the Harvard handbook for resolving conflict. The Secrets of Happy Families is a timely, counterintuitive book that answers the questions countless parents are asking: How do we manage the chaos of our lives? How do we teach our kids values? How do we make our family happier?

Written in a charming, accessible style, The Secrets of Happy Families is smart, funny, and fresh, and will forever change how your family lives every day.

Welcome to Bobville: City of and Bobs (Jonah Winter and Bob Staake)

 

This is super cute - and kind of edgy for adults to enjoy too. No more walls!

Goodreads says:

Here's a timely, hilarious picture book, with Seussian appeal! In Bobville, everyone is named...yup, Bob...and everything is exactly the same--until one Bob decides he'd like to be a Bruce.

Welcome to Bobville, home to people only named Bob! In Bobville, the Bobs eat the same food, wear the same clothes, watch the same movies, and have the same hobbies. They agree on everything-- ESPECIALLY that they don't like anyone who isn't named Bob. The Bobs go about their Bob ways, until one day, to the surprise of the entire city, one resident decides he wants to do things a little differently, and live as Bruce. In response, the Bobs build a wall to keep Bruce, and anyone else who dares to be different, out of the city. But Bruce doesn't mind-- it turns out the diverse world outside of Bobville is actually very beautiful. In this timely picture book, bestselling author Jonah Winter and acclaimed illustrator Bob Staake explore how exclusion and walls breed intolerance, and how being different and open-minded enriches our lives and the world.

The Sad Little Fact (Jonah Winter and Peter Oswald)

 

When you put these kinds of things into a picture book, somehow it becomes so profound! While this is a book for kids, it might be a great one to use with older kids when talking about discerning AI or fake news or conspiracy theories. My guess is there will be a lot of people of a certain political persuasion who will NOT like this book. Another Goodreads reader said it should be paired with The Rooster Who Would Not Be Quiet. I'll definitely check that one out too!

Goodreads says:

In these days of fake news and lies masquerading as truth, comes a read-aloud to prove the truth is out there, just waiting to be discovered.

Follow a sad little fact who is locked away for telling the truth. In its underground prison, it meets other facts, all hidden away because they could not lie. Finally, with the help of a few skillful fact-finders, the facts are able to spread truth- something that ultimately can't be denied.

Though some people continue to ignore them, the facts are out in the world ready for anyone who wants to hear, because "a fact is a fact," and that's that.

The Wrong Way Home (Kate O'Shaughnessy)

 

It's so weird how themes show up in my reading. I got this book out of the library at the beginning of summer. I think it was because it was a Newberry Honor Award winner. I didn't read it right away, let it auto-renew. The last book I read was Cultish - and then I picked this one up....about a young girl who has escaped from a cult. 

I thought it was well written. I loved the metaphors: They go to a place called the Lighthouse Motel - a lighthouse, a place that helps guide ships away from the dangerous shore. She's being guided along but doesn't necessarily buy into her mom's decisions - instead, wants to return to the cult. The whole story is a race between her figuring out how to get in touch with the cult leader to try to return and realizing the truth of the situation. 

She does come to a slow realization of important things she has missed out on while being away from society for six years. She is really behind in school, doesn't know some of the foundational concepts that are regularly talked about, doesn't know about modern medicine, has never been around anyone different than herself (her mom's godmother is gay and has lost her wife and the librarian she meets in gender neutral). Some of the reviews I read were upset that there were gay and gender neutral characters in the book. I thought the author did a pretty good job of including some of the things she would have never been exposed to. 

I really enjoyed this read. I think it would be more appropriate for middle school. Cults are a big topic for anyone younger. I think it would be interesting to see what kids think of the mother not being totally upfront with her daughter about all the issues around why they left.

Notes:

p. 11: Standard cult leader talk (discipline then love bomb): You have so much potential, Fern. Do you know that? It's deep inside, but it's there. You walk through the world so small, shoulders rounded, eyes down. That's why I was hard on your before. With your sweater. Because you're like me. I can see it. Inside you're strong. Destined for greatness. You have a quiet strength, a quiet power. We just need to break the shell. 

p. 82 Just like most kids, Fern isn't fazed at all that Birdie and Babs are a gay couple: She and her wife, Birdie, were my godparents." Mom pauses for a moment. "Well, are my godparents. At least Babs still is. Birdie passed away a while ago."

"Oh," I say. I try to take in all this new information. "What's a godparent?"

p. 193 Fern is confused by the librarian's appearance:
But now that I'm standing closer, I'm not actually sure if Wren is a she or a he. I mean to ask for some book suggestions, but instead a different question slips out.

"Sorry, are you a girl or a boy?"

The librarian - Wren - raises an eyebrow. The left one. The one with two silver hoops threaded through it. "And how, pray tell, is that any of your business?"

The librarian is angry. Or annoyed. It must have been a rude question. On the Ranch, there are more women than men, and all the women keep their hair long and the men grow out their beards, so it's easy to tell everyone apart, even when they wear the same kind of clothes. That's the way Dr. Ben likes it. The rules are so different out here.
"I'm sorry. I'm ignorant," I say, using Havana's word. "It means I don't know a lot of things."
The librarian's face softens. "Hey, it's okay. Neither do a lot of people."
And then Wren goes on to explain they go by "they", not "he" or "she". That is a gender-neutral pronoun because they identify as gender-fluid. "There are two boxes society tries to put you in when it comes to gender, and I don't fit in either one. A lot of people don't."
I'm surprised we haven't heard more about this on the Ranch. Dr. Ben is always telling us we should write our own rules, especially when it comes to thinks society tells us.
"I didn't know you could do that," I say. "It makes a lot of sense. Thank you for explaining it to me."
That seems to be the right thing to say, because now Wren is grinning at me. "It's funny. Kids seem to grasp this concept a lot faster than adults....."

Later in the book Birdie and Wren are mentioned again to say that they're dating.

p. 220 Metaphor of home:  Fern and Eddie are trying to prove that the ghost, The Spirit of the Sea, doesn't exist. One night they see it though.  Fern is quite convinced by what she sees that maybe the ghost IS real, however, Eddie, who has more experience in the world, rejects that this could be real. She hypothesizes that it is someone playing a trick:

Looking with my naked eye from down here, on the beach, all I can see if that bobbing, wavering light. It flickers in and out. I imagine hundreds of years of sailors, lost at sea. I think of Birdie. And I like the idea that there will always be someone - a ghost of someone = beckoning them home no matter how far they've drifted.

p. 223 I know Eddie and I are trying to prove the opposite- that the Spirit of the Sea is a big fake, an imposter.

But I'm exactly like those people the article is talking about. All I want is to find my way back to the people I love.

I wish there was a light for me in the darkness. Held up by someone who wanted to help me. A light to guide me home.

Goodreads says:

Twelve-year-old Fern believes she's living a noble life--but what if everything she's been told is a lie?

Fern’s lived at the Ranch, an off-the-grid, sustainable community in upstate New York, since she was six. The work is hard, but Fern admires the Ranch's leader, Dr. Ben. So when Fern’s mother sneaks them away in the middle of the night and says Dr. Ben is dangerous, Fern doesn't believe it. She wants desperately to go back, but her mom just keeps driving.

Suddenly Fern is thrust into the treacherous, toxic, outside world. At first she thinks only about how to get home. She has a plan, but it will take time. As that time goes by, though, Fern realizes there are things she will miss from this place—the library, a friend from school, the ocean—and there are things she learned at the Ranch that are just...not true.

Now Fern will have to decide. How much is she willing to give up to return to the Ranch? Should she trust Dr. Ben’s vision for her life? Or listen to the growing feeling that she can live by her own rules?

Cultish: The Language of Fanatism (Amanda Montell)

 

I have a fascination with cults and I feel sympathy for those who get involved. Often they're just people looking for community. Life is hard. They want companionship. But they get swept up in the unhealthy environment without even realizing what is happening. This was so good I listened to it twice. As soon as it was finished, I started it again. 
She has a broad definition of cults but also cautions about being too quick to label things as cults. 
She quotes Casper Ter Kuile again and again. Love his book.

Notes:

Part 1 talks about her experience and how the word cult has changed over time. It was once a neutral term for religious worship but gradually became associated with manipulation, extremism, and dangerous groups. She argues that many popular ideas about cults are oversimplified.

- the author's father was part of a cult called Synanon

Part 2 Congratulations - You have bene chosen to join the next evolutionary level above human (or in other words, how the recruiting works)

- the first steps are creating an "us versus them" language

- confirmation bias (look for what you agree with and ignore the rest)

- she talks about Trumps similarities to Jim Jones (nicknames, zealous deliveries, populous language, insider terminology/loaded language where they twist the meaning of familiar language to create dog-whistles, semantic stop signs like "don't believe what you see, believe me", "it is what it is", "boys will be boys" to alleviate cognitive dissonance). Jones also villainized the media (as does Trump, Putin, Erdoğan in Turkey, Xi Ping in China and in the past Nixon, Stalin and Hitler also did this). She also admits that it isn't always helpful to point this things out to people who love Trump. 

- talk is vague to leave space for change and followers can project whatever they want on to the languages to 

- Cults she explains: Heaven's Gate, Jim Jones, Tia Swan

I had a big lightbulb moment when she discussed QAnon in the last chapter. I've always wondered how so many women I know became obsessed with saving children from trafficking. It was a big thing for a while with Women Changers groups. Now they seem to have gone quiet....along with QAnon. It seems QAnon warned about child trafficking and said that Trump would fix the problem. Ah ha!! Many of the women I know who were involved with this are right wing Maga people. Make sense now!

- good recruits are service minded, good natured and sharp, not people with psychological problems.

Goodreads says:
What makes “cults” so intriguing and frightening? What makes them powerful? The reason why so many of us binge Manson documentaries by the dozen and fall down rabbit holes researching suburban moms gone QAnon is because we’re looking for a satisfying explanation for what causes people to join—and more importantly, stay in—extreme groups. We secretly want to know: could it happen to me? Amanda Montell’s argument is that, on some level, it already has . . .

Our culture tends to provide pretty flimsy answers to questions of cult influence, mostly having to do with vague talk of “brainwashing.” But the true answer has nothing to do with freaky mind-control wizardry or Kool-Aid. In Cultish, Montell argues that the key to manufacturing intense ideology, community, and us/them attitudes all comes down to language. In both positive ways and shadowy ones, cultish language is something we hear—and are influenced by—every single day.

Through juicy storytelling and cutting original research, Montell exposes the verbal elements that make a wide spectrum of communities “cultish,” revealing how they affect followers of groups as notorious as Heaven’s Gate, but also how they pervade our modern start-ups, Peloton leaderboards, and Instagram feeds. Incisive and darkly funny, this enrapturing take on the curious social science of power and belief will make you hear the fanatical language of “cultish” everywhere.

A Monster Calls (Patrick Ness)

 

Someone must of recommended this book to me. I should keep better track because whoever that was, I need to have a conversation with!! 

This is quite a book. It's almost a short story - but maybe a novella is more correct. The way it is written is brilliant and captivating. 

Notes:

- it slowly unraveled for me. I realized that the monster is pushing Connor to face his feelings surrounding his mother's illness....but then then he is the monster sometimes. Maybe Connor unconsciously knows the truth but is afraid to face it. It's all a lot for a young boy. I'm shattered for him.

- This book was rather timely as I have an aunt who is really facing some big health struggles. How do books find you at just the right time?! This was definitely one. 

- The monster tree is a yew tree - which ends up being a type of treatment his mother tries as a last ditch effort. It doesn't work. 

Goodreads says:

The bestselling novel about love, loss and hope from the twice Carnegie Medal-winning Patrick Ness.

Conor has the same dream every night, ever since his mother first fell ill, ever since she started the treatments that don't quite seem to be working. But tonight is different. Tonight, when he wakes, there's a visitor at his window. It's ancient, elemental, a force of nature. And it wants the most dangerous thing of all from Conor. It wants the truth.

Patrick Ness takes the final idea of the late, award-winning writer Siobhan Dowd and weaves an extraordinary and heartbreaking tale of mischief, healing and above all, the courage it takes to survive.

A Time to Gather (Bruce Feiler)

 

A while ago I decided I needed to re-read more often. Each month I pick a book that is worth re-reading. This month I was to re-read The Ritual Effect, but this book came up in my e-book holds at the library so I decided to read it instead. It was well-worth it and a good companion to The Ritual Effect. 

I really like this author. I put a couple more of his books on hold.

The first few chapters were about rituals we go through in life: birth rituals, entering adulthood, marriage, divorce...and of course, death. I read the death chapter while at my Auntie Shirley's building. I was waiting for her to arrive back at the senior's home from the hospital. I went down to the chapel where it was quiet and read there. They had a table set up with pictures of people who had passed away over the past six months (or maybe it was a year. I can't recall). Anyway, it was a weird mash up of coincidences to be reading about death outside a Catholic chapel with pictures and birth and death dates of all the people from that home. 

Notes:

- p. 229 Rituals are a means of collective time travel. And there's no better place to begin those trips than from our original home: nature.

- p. 250 When times are easy and there's plenty to go around, individuals can go it alone. But when conditions are harsh and life is tenuous, it takes a team sworn to reciprocity to keep life going forward (actually from Braiding Sweetgrass).

p. 260 What distinguishes ritual from routine and habit:

• Rituals are intentional, symbolic, elevated actions
• Routines are intentional, repeated actions.
• Habits are automatic, repeated actions

Chapter 12 was called The Garden of Lost Children all about rituals around pregnancy loss - miscarriage, stillborn births, death of children and even abortions. He had a lot of information about stillborn children - which of course, really touched me. I had a stillborn baby in 2007. She would be 19 this year! 

• p. 335 Apparently, King Tut (Tutankhamen) was buried with two stillborn baby girls. ...largely because Carter kept it secret. p. 338 In 1978, the two mummies were x-rayed and discovered to be stillborn girls who had died at twenty-four and thirty-six weeks. They had congenital abnormalities related to spina bifida that are consistent with inbreeding - Tutankhamen's parents were biological siblings, which explains his twisted spine, elongated skull, and club foot; his wife was his half sister. In 2001, The British medical historian Geoffrey Chamberlain argued that the mummies were identical girls who suffered from twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome - the same condition the author and his wife and been warned about - which led to their premature deaths.

• p. 338 I met a woman who every year on the anniversary of her abortion would make a meal that her child would have liked at that age - in the early years it was juice boxes and candy necklaces, in the teenage years it was hamburgers and french fries. She would knit a red cap, place a bib on the statue, and serve a meal. It was an ocean of love.
• p. 340 Irish traditions around baby deaths - they would bury corpses under the roofs of churches, a practice known as eaves-drop burials, so that dripping water might stealthily baptize their unprotected children
• p. 343 Many of the rituals around child death are done in a group. There's so much shame around losing a child. The only medicine strong enough to counter that pain is the bllessings of not being alone.
• p. 344 In the 2000s, scholars released studies showing that parents who see, hold, sniff, dress, kiss, and comfort their stillborn children have better mental health outcomes than those denied the privilege.
• p. 346 As Cheryl Haggard observed (started an organization called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, a nonprofit that offers free, professional remembrance photos to families that have lost a child), "Some may look at us and think we photograph dead or dying babies, my perspective is: We don't photograph death, we capture love. And the love between a parent and a child can never be broken."
• Chapter 13 is called A Moment of Hope and is all about cleansing rituals (water or oil....if only the author knew about our temples) and renewing rituals (again....this made me think of our temple). It also talked about "potlatches"....a ritual where people give all they have collected to those less fortunate (hello law of consecration?)
• Interesting podcast to check out: Shame Pinata: Creating Rites of Passage for Real-Life Transitions
• p. 383 Rituals connect us; the correct imbalances among us; they celebrate our loftiest moments; they chronicle our deepest aspirations. But mostly they make us feel at home. As Thomas Hovenden captured in another moment of national crises, they replace our grief over broken home ties with a vision of ties that bind.

P. 393 How to design your own rituals: 

• 1. Reverence: Do what makes you feel at home. Identify what you're most missing from home  - whether that's safety, empathy, love, or joy - and design a ritual with that goal in mind
• 2. Context: Identify your tension; define your intention. It must address the underlying uncertainty, fluidity and instability in the group; and provide comfort, relief, and support for that volatility. Ask, "What is our pain point? What is the tension, transition, or turbulence that we're experiencing?" Then, "What intention matches that tension?"
• A = agency (what we do, make, or create; our me story)
• B = belonging (our relationships, friends, loved ones, and colleagues; our we story)
• C = cause (a calling, mission, or purpose, our thee story)
• 3. Options: off-the-shelf or do-it-yourself, big or small, sacred space or third space.
• 4. Pointers: The four somethings (old, new, borrowed, you)
• 5. Instructions: boundaries, stakes, compromise, empathy, hope 
• draw a boundary that defines the sacred space
• articulate the stakes
• compromise-rehearse on something important
• create and atmosphere of empathy
• end with a moment of hope

• p. 400 Rituals work in times of change because they titrate change. They work in times of social upheaval because they modulate social upheaval. They work in times of religious flux because the bridge the religious, the irreligious, the spiritual, and the I'm not religious but I'm spiritual.
• Rituals work because they are acts. They are values lived out loud. As the old adage goes, it's easier to act oneself into a new way of thinking than to think oneself into a new way of acting. A genius of ritual is that it's an old way of acting that leads to a new way of thinking.
• Rituals work because they are shared. Our earliest ancestors shouted, waved sticks, and stamped their feet in unison to signal to predators that they were more powerful together than they were apart; our latest brain researchers have shown that when we sing, dance, eat, or work together, not only do our bodies synchronize, but our feelings do, too. To be in union is to become a union; to be in a group is to become a groupkeeper.
• Rituals work because they are unnecessary. We live in a stranglehold of necessities, with deadening schedules, dulling routines, and draining obligations. Rituals are the unnecessities that unyoke those necessities - they upend schedules, disrupt routines, sideline obligations. They force us to focus on what Keats deemed our "negative capability," the ability to be in "uncertainties, Mysteries, doubts" without reflexively grasping for reason or explanation.
• Finally, rituals work because they are portable, replicable versions or home. "The ache for home lives in all of us," Maya Angelou said, "The safe place where we can go as we are." Today we need that safe space more than ever - for morale making, for meaning making, for memory making.

Goodreads says:

At a time when our shared humanity is under threat and traditional life rituals are losing favor, one of our great decoders of human connection chronicles the astonishing rise of reinvented life rituals around the world and offers a blueprint for restoring togetherness.

It’s easy to be overwhelmed by the sharp decline in the types of life rituals that have been the tentpoles of family and community life since time immemorial. Birth rituals have plummeted, as have comings-of-age. Fewer than half of Americans are married today; only one in three is buried. “It took us ten thousand years to establish cultural norms around how we mark collective life transitions,” writes Bruce Feiler. “It took us fifty years to dismantle them.” We have clearly entered what Feiler calls a “celebration recession.” Can this threat to society be reversed? 

Feiler wanted to find out. As he did with his groundbreaking series Walking the Bible, Feiler went on a round-the-world ritual road trip, attending—and participating in—life rituals in sixteen countries on six continents. These rarely seen spectacles include an adolescent tooth filing in Bali, a mass baptism in the Vatican, and a tribal bride price negotiation in South Africa. He witnessed six weddings in a day in Las Vegas and ten funerals in a week in Ireland.

As he did with Life Is in the Transitions, Feiler also gathered the stories of a hundred ritual designers in twenty-six countries, including a Pentecostal priest in Nigeria who started a fertility circle, the creator of the Purple Pundit Project in New Jersey who leads LGBTQ+ Hindu weddings, and the founder of an app in Canada that helps “create your own rites of passage.”

What Feiler emerged with is a literary achievement, at once a great adventure story in the tradition of Sebastian Junger and Cheryl Strayed; a richly reported sociological portrait in the vein of Robert Putnam and Barbara Ehrenreich; and a conversation-shaping piece of social commentary in the mode of David Brooks and Jonathan Haidt.

Far from a ritual recession, we are in the midst of a  ritual renaissance, one that our outdated radar screens have failed to pick up. Fed up with top-down life rituals, everyday people are reimagining rituals at a pace unseen in human history. From boomers to Gen Z and boosted by social media, this new movement is reviving life rituals for a new century and building thriving communities in the process.

From a master storyteller on the trail of an urgent, untold story, what Feiler has created is a hopeful field guide to modern ritual; a tool kit for infusing collective meaning into our lives; and, perhaps, a framework for repairing our homesick world.

Wombat Waiting (Katherine Applegate)

 

Katherine Applegate is a master of wonderful animal stories. This is in verse - a quick read. It is a beautiful story. 

The cover is perfect....the yellow/red hue in the background is because of the forest fires happening in the story. Wombat is a dog...who looks kind of like a wombat. She follows her heart until she finds her family that is just right for her. Everyone is healed by her determination.

Picked this one for Grade 3 book club. Would also make a great read aloud. It is about hope and how being patient is sometimes needed in the face of loss and rebuilding your life. Kindness and thought for others goes a long way.

Characters

Wombat - a stray dog....people think she kind of looks like a wombat and so she gets named Wombat
Henry - young boy who is part of a family that has to flee their home suddenly. His mom works in an animal shelter. He is nervous around dogs because he was bit by one when he was younger
Barnabas - a fruitbat that was injured and so she cannot fly. Henry keeps her as a pet
Sylvie - Henry's younger sister. She and Henry evacuate with their family during the wildfire.
Mama Ro – Henry's mother, a veterinarian who works at O.W.L. (Orphaned Wildlife). She helps care for rescued animals displaced by the fire.
Mama J – This confused me. It took me a while to realize that she is Henry's other mother, who is a librarian. She supports her family and community during the evacuation. Nothing is said about them being a gay couple. It just is. It is not a major plot focus.
Silas – An older stray dog who befriends Wombat and tells her she may be a "destiny dog" searching for her special person. 
Northern Saw-whet Owl – A young owl rescued by the wildlife center and temporarily housed at the shelter after the fire.
Other Important "Characters"
The Voice - mysterious inner voice that guides Wombat's decisions and encourages her to move toward her destiny rather than away from danger. It isn't a character, but it plays an important role in the story.

Grade 3 book club ideas:

- if you had to pack up quickly and leave because of a fire, what would you for sure bring?
- watch Hatchiko (Katherine Applegate references this story in the afterward)
- write diary entries from the perspective of different characters (Wombat, Henry, Barnabas, another person at the shelter). Prompt: What were you thinking and feeling during your time at the shelter?
- "Waiting for..." Poetry Activity

Since the book is written in verse, students can create their own free-verse poem titled:

"Waiting for..."

Examples:

• Waiting for summer
• Waiting for a friend
• Waiting to be brave
• Waiting for good news

Discuss how waiting can feel hopeful, frustrating, or exciting.
- connect this to our Earth Systems unit in science or Extreme Weather unit in Open Court
Wildfire and Community Research Project

Students can research:

• How communities recover after wildfires
• Animal rescue organizations
• Ways people help during emergencies

They can present findings through posters, slides, or infographics. The book is set in the aftermath of a Southern California wildfire and highlights both community recovery and animal rescue efforts. 

- have a special guest speaker from an animal shelter. Perhaps they could bring some animals
- Theme Discussion Stations

Set up stations with big questions:

• What makes a family?
• Can animals and people help each other heal?
• What does resilience look like?
• Why is community important after a disaster?

Students rotate and add thoughts on chart paper.
- Story Map - Students create a visual map showing:

• The wildfire
• The shelter
• Key events
• Where important characters meet

This helps reinforce plot structure and cause-and-effect relationships.
- Kindness Challenge: Wombat becomes a source of comfort and hope for many people. Challenge students to complete one act of kindness each day for a week and record it in a "Wombat's Kindness Journal."
= Compare and Contrast

Compare:

• Wombat and Henry
• Wombat and a pet dog
• Life before and after the fire
• This book and another Katherine Applegate book such as The One and Only Ivan or Odder

Use a Venn diagram.
- "Destiny Dog" Writing Prompt

In the story, Wombat believes she is a "destiny dog" searching for her special person. Prompt: If you were guided by a mysterious voice toward your destiny, where would it lead you and why?
- Readers' Theatre - Choose several poems or scenes and have students perform them aloud.
- Community Helpers Appreciation Project

Students identify people who help during emergencies:

• Firefighters
• Veterinarians
• Animal rescue workers
• Librarians
• Volunteers

Have students create thank-you cards or a class appreciation wall.
- "Home Is..." Students to create a poster, collage, poem, or presentation answering:

What does "home" mean?

This ties together one of the book's central messages about belonging, safety, family, and hope.

Potential parallel activities with picture books:

(list created with AI)

Wombat Waiting has such a gentle, hopeful focus on resilience, patience, belonging, and the idea that family can be formed through care rather than biology. If you're looking for picture books that echo those themes, these are excellent pairings: Resilience & Perseverance After the Fall by Dan Santat Humpty Dumpty learns to overcome fear after a life-changing accident. Themes: resilience, courage, growth mindset. The Most Magnificent Thing by Ashley Spires A girl struggles, fails repeatedly, and eventually succeeds through persistence. Themes: patience, problem-solving, perseverance. Jabari Jumps by Gaia Cornwall Jabari wants to jump off the diving board but must work through his fears. Themes: bravery, resilience, self-confidence. Patience & Waiting Waiting by Kevin Henkes Five toys sit on a windowsill and discover that good things often come to those who wait. Themes: patience, observation, hope. A House in the Woods by Inga Moore Animals gradually build a community through kindness and generosity. Themes: patience, cooperation, belonging. Found Family & Belonging The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld A child finds comfort through the quiet companionship of a rabbit. Themes: empathy, support, emotional resilience. The Koala Who Could by Rachel Bright Kevin the koala learns that embracing change can lead to new friendships and community. Themes: belonging, courage, growth. Home in the Woods by Eliza Wheeler Based on a true story about finding security and love despite hardship. Themes: resilience, family, hope. Unlikely Friendships A Sick Day for Amos McGee by Philip C. Stead Amos and his animal friends care for one another through difficult times. Themes: friendship, kindness, reciprocity. The Lion and the Bird by Marianne Dubuc An injured bird and a lion develop a deep friendship built on patience and care. Themes: friendship, compassion, found family. Bear Came Along by Richard T. Morris A journey brings together a diverse group of animals that become a community. Themes: friendship, belonging, adventure. Animal Stories with a Similar Feel Mama Built a Little Nest by Jennifer Ward Explores how animals create homes and care for one another. Themes: family, nurturing, belonging. The Lonely Sea Dragon by Helen Scales A sea dragon finds connection after feeling alone. Themes: friendship, acceptance, belonging. The Journey by Francesca Sanna While more serious in tone, it explores finding safety and community after upheaval. Themes: resilience, hope, found family. Best Matches for a Read-Aloud Pairing with Wombat Waiting If you want books that feel most similar in emotional tone and discussion potential: Waiting by Kevin Henkes The Lion and the Bird by Marianne Dubuc A Sick Day for Amos McGee by Philip C. Stead The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld The Koala Who Could by Rachel Bright A House in the Woods by Inga Moore These pair especially well for classroom discussions around: What does patience look like? How do we keep going when things are hard? What makes someone family? How do friends help us feel that we belong? How can waiting lead to unexpected good things?

Goodreads says:

From the Newbery Award-winning, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The One and Only Ivan and Odder comes a stunning new middle grade standalone novel about compassion, resilience, and surprising friendships, following a dog named Wombat in the aftermath of a catastrophic fire.

Wombat isn’t actually a wombat—but when the homeless dog is discovered, singed and ash-covered after a terrible fire destroys a community, someone tags her with the nickname and it sticks.

Wombat is a “destiny dog.” Something inside of her (she nicknames it “Voice’) keeps telling her there’s a special someone out there who is meant to be her person.

Surrounded by a devastated town, Wombat takes up residence on bench near the makeshift community center, an old brick warehouse that, for the most part, survived the flames. A small part of the community center evacuation site has been repurposed for the local wildlife rehab sanctuary that burned down. All of the animals were spared, and the temporary quarters include an elderly fruit bat and a young Northern saw-whet owl.

No matter what, Wombat refuses to move from her perch, despite the efforts of many humans. Clearly the dog is waiting for someone. But for whom? And what are the odds they survived?

Fans of modern classics like Because of Winn-Dixie , Pax , and Katherine Applegate’s own Crenshaw and Odder, and timeless tales like Charlotte ’ s Web , will find a friend in Wombat and her story.

The Lion Women of Tehran (Marjan Kamali)

 

I loved this story. I read for hours. It was very captivating. It is a great story of friendship and has many twists and turns in their friendship. 

The story starts out in 1981 and then goes back to the 1950's to tell the story that leads up to 1981. There is a Epilogue set in 2022 to wrap things all up nicely.

Notes:

Characters:
Ellie (full name: Elaheh, means goddess) - is a descendant of royalty - a fact that is really important to her mother

Mehrdad - Ellie's husband

Homa - Ellie's best friend. They meet on the first day of school. Ellie's mother always looks down her nose on this friendship, thinking Homa isn't quite fancy enough for her to associate with. Her name is a type of bird that never rests on the ground (p. 20). Homa really never does rest on the ground. She doesn't worry about being like anyone else. She has her passions and pursues them. She is a true friend to Ellie and a breath of fresh air again and again.

Ellie's father dies early on in her life. She thinks he died of turbuculosis. Ellie begrudges her mother for not ever telling her much about her father - until one day they have a good heart to heart and Ellie learns the truth about him (infidelity, etc)

Uncle Massoud - Ellie's uncle who marries her mother as per the tradition in their culture. He is a good husband to her mother and kind to Ellie. He has another brother but he married a Russian and settled there and is never a part of the story again. Uncle Massoud seems like a conselation prize - but that might be because of Ellie's mother's snootiness.

Friendship theme:

- Women's friendships are important and the little things we do for each other and give each other are continual reminders of these wonderful friends.

p. 4 Earlier that morning, in our apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, my husband, Mehrdad, had tried to comfort me with breakfast. He prepared toast with feta cheese and cherry jam. He brewed bergamot tea. But I couldn't eat or drink. The jam was made from Homa's recipe. The bergamot tea in the white teapot adorned with two pink roses reminded me of her. With the arrival of her letter, her absence dominated my life all over again

There was a lot of description about the food - which I kind of expected to play a bigger part - but it never really did. It felt like a bit of a tangent. Perhaps the author really loves the Iranian food and wanted to share that love. Not sure.

Words of the wiser:

From Ellie's mother (a complicated figure in her life!): Jealousy has powerful energy. It can swirl in the air and destruct true happiness. 

- This advice is interesting because in many ways, Ellie's mother was so difficult. So toxic. However, she was right with this advice!

p. 126 From Ellie's mother: "Even those who love you most can ruin your life, you know, Ellie." Mother said.  "Even the ones you trust the most."

- She always had a damper on Ellie's wonderful moments.

p. 155 I would teach my own children differently. I would teach them that the world is filled with people who care deeply about them and want to see them thrive. Imagine that. Imagine if I could not just outgrow my own toxic vices but also transmit to my children the best of traits. Yes, I would raise secure, confident people. I would break the cycle of suspicion and superiority and paranoia that seemed to run in my family line.

The burden of a complaining mother:

p. 28 Sarah, I had a feeling she wasn't the kind of mother who complained to her children about her woes (Ellie's mother was that kind of mother)

Again and again:

Jealousy is something that comes up again and again.

p. 28 I (Ellie) adored her (Homa). 

I was already jealous of her.

p, 46 When Homa had found out I was First-in-Class, she had beamed with excitement, squeezed me hard, and even lifted me off the ground by a few centimeters. And I burdened with my own stupid personality traits, was jealous of her ability not to be jealous.

- p. 191 Poor Ellie keeps having pregnancy loss: Mother made potions of saffron dissolved in bone broth for me to drink. She took to praying five times a day to somehow entreat God to change y rate. Too little, too late was her transformation into someone devout. Her prayers didn't work. Her potions didn't materialize what we most wanted.

Mother claimed it was the evil eye at work. "All those people," she said, "jealous of our health and wealth. All those envious souls casting a hex on us."

Rituals to be rid of:

p. 187 When Mehrdad and Ellie marry, he negotiates not continuing a ritual:

Mehrdad's mom, gracious and calm as ever, agreed that we would be left alone and forgo the old-fashioned handkerchief hoopla surrounding the marriage night. With the mother of the groom decreeing it, the rest of the close female relatives - even my social - climbing mother - gave in. I breathed a sight of relief that I wouldn't be forced to prove that Mehrdad was my first in every way. He was, of course, but the entire "proof" theatre felt so demeaning. I was happy to skip it.

Goodreads says:

In 1950s Tehran, seven-year-old Ellie lives in grand comfort until the untimely death of her father, forcing Ellie and her mother to move to a tiny home downtown. Lonely and bearing the brunt of her mother’s endless grievances, Ellie dreams for a friend to alleviate her isolation.

Luckily, on the first day of school, she meets Homa, a kind girl with a brave and irrepressible spirit. Together, the two girls play games, learn to cook in the stone kitchen of Homa’s warm home, wander through the colorful stalls of the Grand Bazaar, and share their ambitions of becoming “lion women.”

But their happiness is disrupted when Ellie and her mother are afforded the opportunity to return to their previous bourgeois life. Now a popular student at the best girls’ high school in Iran, Ellie’s memories of Homa begin to fade. Years later, however, her sudden reappearance in Ellie’s privileged world alters the course of both of their lives.

Together, the two young women come of age and pursue their own goals for meaningful futures. But as the political turmoil in Iran builds to a breaking point, one earth-shattering betrayal will have enormous consequences.

Atmosphere (Taylor Jenkins Reid)

 

I saw lots of social media posts with people crying and talking about how this was the best book they ever read....at least Taylor Jenkins Reid best book. I can't say I was that hooked by it. Space: not really my thing. All the way through it, I kept trying to figure out what is the main point of this? Is it about being strong women? Is it about speaking out for LGBTQ+ rights? Is it about not being afraid to be yourself. Is it about standing up for what is right and being a good person even when your family is brutal? Is it about friendship. 

I think it's about all those things. 

And the last 30 pages about tore my heart out. What an ending. I don't often cry when I read. This made me gasp....then the tears.

Great quotes:

Bravery is being unafraid of something other people are afraid of. Courage is being afraid, but strong enough to do it anyway.

Happiness is so hard to come by. I don't understand why anyone would begrudge anyone else for managing to find some of it.

Because the world had decided that to be soft was to be weak, even though in Joan’s experience being soft and flexible was always more durable than being hard and brittle. Admitting you were afraid always took more guts than pretending you weren’t. Being willing to make a mistake got you further than never trying. The world had decided that to be fallible was weak. But we are all fallible. The strong ones are the ones who accept it.

Just the act of falling in love was to agree to a broken heart.

Goodreads says:
Joan Goodwin has been obsessed with the stars for as long as she can remember. Thoughtful and reserved, Joan is content with her life as a professor of physics and astronomy at Rice University and as aunt to her precocious niece, Frances. That is, until she comes across an advertisement seeking the first women scientists to join NASA’s space shuttle program. Suddenly, Joan burns to be one of the few people to go to space.

Selected from a pool of thousands of applicants in the summer of 1980, Joan begins training at Houston’s Johnson Space Center, alongside an exceptional group of fellow candidates: Top Gun pilot Hank Redmond and scientist John Griffin, who are kind and easygoing even when the stakes are highest; mission specialist Lydia Danes, who has worked too hard to play nice; warmhearted Donna Fitzgerald, who is navigating her own secrets; and Vanessa Ford, the magnetic and mysterious aeronautical engineer, who can fix any engine and fly any plane.

As the new astronauts become unlikely friends and prepare for their first flights, Joan finds a passion and a love she never imagined. In this new light, Joan begins to question everything she thinks she knows about her place in the observable universe.

Then, in December of 1984, on mission STS-LR9, it all changes in an instant.

Fast-paced, thrilling, and emotional, Atmosphere is Taylor Jenkins Reid at her best: transporting readers to iconic times and places, creating complex protagonists, and telling a passionate and soaring story about the transformative power of love—this time among the stars.

What Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast (Laura Vanderkam)

 

This is a quick one hour audio book read by the author. She says: 

• The hopeful hours before breakfast are far to precious to waste.
• Small rituals can accomplish great things.
• A habit has the force of the water drop that hollows the stone. A small daily task, if it be really daily, will beat the laborers of a spasmatic Hercules. 
• When you make over your mornings, you can make over your life.
• Self-discipline is a muscle and it depletes over time - this is why you should do the most. important things in the morning. It is usually the time when you have fewer interruptions. 
• evenings are when diets are broken, crimes are committed, commitments are broken.
• the best things for mornings rituals are the things that result in long term benefits.
• Pick one new habit and work on it until you have made it part of your life. As you go, track your progress.
• The reason we stay in bed in the morning is we think of all the things we need to do instead of the things you look forward to. Plan to do things you look forward to.
• Tune up as necessary. Life changes and routines should change along with life's changes.

What most successful people use morning time for:

• nurturing their careers: strategizing and focused work
• nurturing their relationships: giving their families and friends their best
• nurturing themselves: exercise and spiritual and creative practices
• choose things you actually enjoy (no self-flagging!)

Other interesting facts she shares:

People more likely to achieve tenure, working on writing on a daily business.

The networking breakfast concept is incredibly underrated.

If you want to get more out of your time, track your time.

Goodreads summary:

Mornings are a madcap time for many of us. We wake up in a haze--often after hitting snooze a few times. Then we rush around to get ready and out the door so we can officially start the day. Before we know it, hours have slipped by without us accomplishing anything beyond downing a cup of coffee, dashing off a few emails, and dishing with our coworkers around the water cooler. By the time the workday wraps up, we're so exhausted and defeated that any motivation to accomplish something in the evening has vanished.

But according to time management expert Laura Vanderkam, mornings hold the key to taking control of our schedules. If we use them wisely, we can build habits that will allow us to lead happier, more productive lives.

Drawing on real-life anecdotes and scientific research that shows why the early hours of the day are so important, Vanderkam reveals how successful people use mornings to help them accomplish things that are often impossible to take care of later in the day. While many of us are still in bed, these folks are scoring daily victories to improve their health, careers, and personal lives without sacrificing their sanity. For instance, former PepsiCo chairman and CEO Steve Reinemund would rise at 5:00 a.m., run four miles, pray, and eat breakfast with his family before heading to work to run a Fortune 500 company.

"What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast" is a fun, practical guide that will inspire you to rethink your morning routine and jump-start your life before the day has even begun.

168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think (Laura Vanderkam)

 

I really enjoyed this book and I buy into her theories. Some of the reviews I read were quite critical and not complimentary. When I read a book like this, I tend to take what might work for me and don't worry about the rest - and I think she means that as she writes it. It has a ton of ideas. Take what works for you and leave the rest. You can fit in what really matters to you. For example, I want to be an exerciser - but even in summer break I can't seem to fit it in. Clearly, that's a matter of priorities. She says that if the average person started exercising every time he was tempted to turn on the tube, he could be doing triathlons competitively within a few years (chapter 8: A Full Life).

What works for me:

• She says that most of us are not as busy as we think. I believe that is true. There is always room to assess how we're spending out time. She really advocates for tracking your time. I would like to do that - but I would like an easy system - preferably on my phone. Is there an app?
• After you have tracked your time, start totaling the categories and do a personal self-evaluation about how you're spending your time
• She encourages you to make a list of 1000 dreams (chapter 2). Pick the activities that really matter to you and schedule them in first. 
• 100 things you'd like to do during your life time (pick your categories and list 10 things)
• 10 places you want to visit
• 10 books you want to rest
• 10 restaurants you want to try
• 10 skills you want to learn
• 10 financial goals you have for yourself
• 10 books (articles) you want to publish
• etc!
• Figure out what your core competencies are (what matters most and what you are actually good at doing) and outsource the rest, if you can
• Create a block schedule where you plan to fit in the things that are most important to you (in other words, the big rocks first theory)
• Give yourself time to do the things you love. You'll be happier.

I read this on my kobo. When I was finished, it told me how long I took to read it that I spent an average of 11 minutes per reading session - which surprised me. My goal is to spend 30 minutes reading every morning....and frankly, I thought I was doing that - but apparently I read this more in smaller spurts than that.

Goodreads says:

There are 168 hours in a week. This is your guide to getting the most out of them.

It's an unquestioned truth of modern life: we are starved for time. We tell ourselves we'd like to read more, get to the gym regularly, try new hobbies, and accomplish all kinds of goals. But then we give up because there just aren't enough hours to do it all. Or if we don't make excuses, we make sacrifices- taking time out from other things in order to fit it all in.

There has to be a better way...and Laura Vanderkam has found one. After interviewing dozens of successful, happy people, she realized that they allocate their time differently than most of us. Instead of letting the daily grind crowd out the important stuff, they start by making sure there's time for the important stuff. When plans go wrong and they run out of time, only their lesser priorities suffer.

Vanderkam shows that with a little examination and prioritizing, you'll find it is possible to sleep eight hours a night, exercise five days a week, take piano lessons, and write a novel without giving up quality time for work, family, and other things that really matter.

The Secret Library (Kekla Magoon)

There was a lot going on in this book. The family history aspect was interesting....go back in time to learn about your family. She'd run into the same people again and again and it was confusing to keep straight who the person was and how old they were or what year it was. Time travel is not my favorite genre. It felt like maybe there should be a second book because many of the issues between Dally and her mother are not resolved - but Dailly has time traveled to the future and skipped a bunch of years (broke all the time travel rules!) so a resolution won't be possible. I thought the ending was rushed and rather incomplete.

The idea of a secret library is interesting. This is the key in the time travel - pick a book from your shelves and a cloud starts to form. Off you go! Sometimes the writing seemed quite didactic and sometimes it just wasn't conceivable at all that this is how a child would converse with people.

The main character says she's biracial but as the story ends, you discover that her mother, who is presented as a white woman, actually had a black father - something he kept hidden.  Even Dally's mother didn't know. No one knew. Oh the complexities of family history!

There was a lot of commentary on historic events. In chapter 29, she arrives at a Juneteenth celebration where her parents are, but they aren't married yet. I read this on Juneteenth....so that was a weird twist of fate. There is talk of LGBTQ issues and it's interesting to compare how the issues are viewed in the past to today, however, it was weird addition to the story and seemed like it was thrown in to make sure the author hit on all sorts of current issues: family secrets, LGBTQ lessons, weird explanations about scientific realities today, sex education (a baby is born, mother's water breaks...the whole lots of details kids don't need), segregation and racism issues as well. For an audience of 8-12 year olds, this would open a lot of questions unless they were REALLY well versed in history, which is quite unlikely. I would recommend it for readers over 12, for sure. The book banners would have a heyday with this one. Luckily, most kids didn't finish it and for those who said they did (that's questionable), clearly it was over their head.

This book was a lesson in why it's important to read the book before I suggest it for book club. This one was not a great choice. During our book club meeting we learned about resources online to research your genealogy. I logged into my Family Search account and showed them famous people I was related to. They really enjoyed that.

Goodreads says:
Since Grandpa died, Dally’s days are dull and restricted. She’s eleven and a half years old, and her exacting single mother is already grooming her to take over the family business. Starved for adventure and release, Dally rescues a mysterious envelope from her mother’s clutches, an envelope Grandpa had earmarked for her. The map she finds inside leads straight to an ancient vault, a library of secrets where each book is a portal to a precise moment in time.

As Dally “checks out” adventure after adventure—including an exhilarating outing with pirates—she begins to dive deep into her family’s hidden history. Soon she’s visiting every day to escape the demands of the present. But the library has secrets of its own, intentions that would shape her life as surely as her mother’s meticulous plans. What will Dally choose?

Equal parts mystery and adventure—with a biracial child puzzling out her identity alongside the legacy of the past—this masterful middle-grade fantasy rivets with crackling prose, playful plot twists, and timeless themes. A satisfying choice for fans of Kindred and When You Reach Me.