The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry (Rachel Joyce)

 

This book was oddly simple but yet very profound. Harold's walking brings about a lot of time to think about his seemingly unhappy life. However, the process brings him around to figuring himself out and realizing he does want what he has. He walks to try to make amends for mistakes he has made in life and to find forgiveness for others and for himself. He realizes relationships, as full of challenges and as messy as they are, are what matters most. Along the way, sometimes our life gets crowded with all sorts of noise and people - but in the end, it's our partner and children that matter most and bring meaning.

I will go find the other books she has written that explains the story from Queenie's and Maureen's point of view.

Goodreads says:

Recently retired, sweet, emotionally numb Harold Fry is jolted out of his passivity by a letter from Queenie Hennessy, an old friend, who he hasn't heard from in twenty years. She has written to say she is in hospice and wanted to say goodbye. Leaving his tense, bitter wife Maureen to her chores, Harold intends a quick walk to the corner mailbox to post his reply but instead, inspired by a chance encounter, he becomes convinced he must deliver his message in person to Queenie--who is 600 miles away--because as long as he keeps walking, Harold believes that Queenie will not die. So without hiking boots, rain gear, map or cell phone, one of the most endearing characters in current fiction begins his unlikely pilgrimage across the English countryside. Along the way, strangers stir up memories--flashbacks, often painful, from when his marriage was filled with promise and then not, of his inadequacy as a father, and of his shortcomings as a husband. Ironically, his wife Maureen, shocked by her husband's sudden absence, begins to long for his presence. Is it possible for Harold and Maureen to bridge the distance between them? And will Queenie be alive to see Harold arrive at her door?

The Obstacle is the Way (Ryan Holiday)

 

I'm buying this one and putting it on my canon list...books to read at least annually. It is so good! I tire of people who tell you to just be positive. This book does that, but also has amazing examples and strategies along the way to help you with persistence. It took me a while to read it because I found myself wanting to record many of the great ideas an antidotes!

Notes:

p. 6 There is an old Zen story about a king whose people had grown soft and entitled. Dissatisfied with this state of affairs, he hoped to teach them a lesson. His plan was simple: He would place a large boulder in the middle of the main road, completely blocking entry into the city. He would then hide nearby and observe their reactions.
  How would they respond? Would they band together to remove it? Or would they get discouraged, quit and return home?
  With growing disappointment, the king watched as subject after subject came to this impediment and turned away. Or, at best, tried halfheartedly before giving up. Many openly complained or cursed the king or fortune or bemoaned the inconvenience, but none managed to do anything about it.
  After several days, a lone peasant came along on his way into town. He did not turn away. Instead he strained and strained, trying to push it out of the way. Then an idea came to him: He scrambled into a nearby woods to find something he could use for leverage. Finally, he returned with a large branch he had crafted into a lever and deployed it to dislodge the massive rock from the road. 
   Beneath the rock were a purse of gold coins and a note from the king, which said:
   "The obstacle in the path becomes the path. Never forget, within every obstacle is an opportunity to improve our condition."

p. 8 The things which hurt, instruct.
- Benjamin Franklin

p. 9 Three interdependent, interconnected, and the fluidly contingent disciplines: Perception, action and the will.

The Discipline of Perception

John D Rockefeller 
- bookkeeper and aspiring investor
- son of an alcoholic who'd abandoned his family
- took his first job at age 16 and earned fifty cents a day
- in financial crises he witnessed he had a sense of cool about him....he would observe how people were responding and then make his decisions
- once turned down $500,000 from investors who wanted him to find ways to invest it in oil. He had the strength to resist temptation or excitement

How to have his kind of success:
- be objective
- control emotions and keep an even keel
- choose to see the good in a situation
- keep nerves steady
- ignore what disturbs or limits others
- place things in perspective
- revert to the present moment
- focus on what CAN be controlled

Recognize Your Power

 Choose not to be harmed - and you won't feel harmed
Don't feel harmed - and you haven't been
- Marcus Aurelius

p. 23 Just because your mind tells you that something is awful or evil or unplanned or otherwise negative doesn't mean you have to agree. Just because other people say that something is hopeless or crazy or broken to pieces doesn't mean it is. We decide what story to tell ourselves. Or whether we will tell one at all. 
Welcome to the power of perception. Applicable in each adn every situation, impossible to obstruct. It can only be relinquished.
And that is your decision.

Steady Your Nerves
Things will inevitably come along to distract you from your work and your goals. Don't let it happen.
The author had two great stories:
1: Ulysses S Grant once sat for a photo shoot with the famous Civil War photographer, Mathew Brady. The studio was too dark, so Brady sent an assistant up to the roof to uncover a skylight. The assistant slipped and shattered the window. With horror, the spectators watched as shards of glass, two inches long fell from the ceiling like daggers, crashing around Grant - each of them plenty lethal.
As the last pieces hit the ground, Brady looked over and saw that Grant hadn't moved. He was unhurt. Grant glanced up at the hole in the ceiling, then back at the camera as though nothing had happened at all.

2: During the Overland Campaign, Grant was surveying the scene through field glasses when an enemy shell exploded, killing the horse immediately next to him. Grant's eyes stayed fixed on the front, never leaving the glasses.

Practice Objectivity
p. 35 Take your situation and pretend it is not happening to you. Pretend it is not important, that it doesn't matter. How much easier would it be for you to know what to do? How much more quickly and dispassionately could you size up the scenario and its options?

Alter Your Perspective
p. 37 Remember: We choose how we'll look at things. We retain the ability to inject perspective into a situation. We can't change the obstacles themselves - that part of the equation is set - but the power of perspective can change how the obstacles appear.

Is It Up To You?
Think serenity prayer. What can you really change? The author lists what is up to us: (p. 43)
Our emotions
Our judgments
Our creativity
Our attitude
Our perspective
Our desires
Our decisions
Our determination
What is not up to us? Well, you know. everything else. The weather, the economy, circumstances, other people's emotions or judgments, trends, disasters, etc.

Live in the Present Moment

p. 47 Focus on the moment, not the monsters that may or may not be up ahead.

I loved the list of companies started at inopportune times:

Fortune magazine (90 days after the market crash of 1929)
FedEx (oil crisis of 1973)
UPS (Panic of 1907)
Walt Disney Co (After 11 months of smooth operation, the 12th was the market crash of 1929)
Hewlett-Packard (Great Depression, 1935)
Charles Schwab (market crash of 1974-75)
Standard Oil (Rockefeller brought out his partners in what became Standard Oil and took over in Feb 1865, the final year of the Civil War)
Coors (Depression of 1873)
Costco (recession in the late 1970s)
Revlon (Great Depression, 1932)
General Motors (Panic of 1907)
Proctor and Gamble (Panic of 1837)
United Airlines (1929)
Microsoft (recession in 1973-75)
LinkedIn (2002, post-dot-com bubble)

Think Differently
Don't worry about what most people say. Most people say things like, Be realistic. Listen to feedback. Play well with others. Compromise.
Instead, the author suggests we should not be afraid. We can do it. Get your mind around it. Keep working! Do what most people won't do.

Finding the Opportunity
Look for the weak spot and capitalize! 
p. 55 There is good in everything, if only we look for it (Laura Ingalls Wilder)
If you mean it when you say you're at the endo f your rope and would rather quit, you actually have a unique chance to grow and improve yourself. A unique opportunity experiment with different solutions, to try different tactics, or to take on new projects to add to your skill set. You can study this bad boss and learn from him - while you fill out your resume and hit up contacts for a better job elsewhere. You can prepare yourself for that job by trying new styles of communication or standing up for yourself, all with a perfect safety net for yourself: quitting and getting out of there.
With this new attitude and fearlessness, who knows, you might be able to extract concessions and find that you like the job again. One day your boss will make a mistake, and then you'll make your move and outmaneuver them. It will feel so much better than the alternative-whining, bad-mouthing, duplicity, spinelessness.

Prepare to Act
p. 60 ...boldness is acting anyway, even though you understand the negative and the reality of your obstacle. Decide to tackle what stands in your way - not because you're a gambler defying the odds but because you've calculated them and boldly embraced the risk.

Get Moving
Sometimes the situation isn't perfect...but if you at least get started, you can straighten up the situation or perhaps look for other opportunities. He told a great story of Amelia Earhart. She worked as a social worker at first because she couldn't make a living as a pilot. One day someone asked her if she would like to be the first female pilot on a transatlantic flight. They told her their first choice had already backed out and that she wouldn't actually fly because there would be two men (stronger and smarter) who would do that. They would be paid very well but she was paid nothing. It was considered a very dangerous venture and they could all die. Doesn't sound very appealing - but she took it. After that, she was able to work herself into a position where she could be the first female to fly solo across the Atlantic. It would have never happened if she hadn't taken the less than perfect opportunity. 

Practice Persistence
Never quit!
Consider this mind-set:
- never in a hurry
- never worried
- never desperate
- never stopping short
p. 80 It's supposed to be hard. Your first attempts aren't going to work. It's going to take a lot out of you - but energy is an asset we can always find more of. It's a renewable resource. Stop looking for an epiphany, and start looking for weak points. Stop looking for angels, and start looking for angles. There are options. Settle in for the long haul and then try each and every possibility, and you'll get there.
When people ask where we are, what we're doing, how that "situation" is coming along, the answer should be clear: We're working on it. We're getting closer. When setbacks come, we respond by working twice as hard.

Iterate
Great entrepreneurs are:
- never wedded to a position
- never afraid to lose a little of their investment
- never bitter of embarrassed
- never out of the game for long

p. 86 Failure gives you feedback - precise instructions on how to improve....it's trying to teach you something, Listen

Do your job well
p. 96 Steve Jobs cared even about the inside of his products, making sure they were beautifully designed even though the users would never see them. Taught by his father - who finished even the back of his cabinets though they would be hidden against the wall - to think like a craftsman. In every design predicament, Jobs knew his marching orders: Respect the craft and make something beautiful. 
  Every situation is different, obviously. We're not inventing the next iPad or iPhone, but we are making something for someone - even if it's just our own resume. Every part - especially the work that nobody sees, the tough things we wanted to avoid or could have skated away from - we can treat the same way Jobs did: with pride and dedication.

The Discipline of the Will
p. 132 These lessons come harder but are, in the end, the most critical to wresting advantage from adversity. In every situation we can
Always prepare ourselves for more difficult times.
Always accept what we're unable to change.
Always manage our expectations.
Always persevere.
Always learn to love our fate and what happens to us.
Always protect our inner self, retreat into ourselves.
Always submit to a greater, larger cause.
Always remind ourselves of our own mortality

Anticipation (Thinking Negatively)
p. 139 Plan for what could go wrong (do a premortem). Be prepared for failure and ready for success.

Love everything that happens
p. 150 At age sixty-seven, Thomas Edison returned home early one evening from another day at the laboratory. Shortly after dinner, a man came rushing into his house with urgent news: A fire had broken out at Edison's research and production campus a few miles away.
 Fire engines from eight nearby towns rushed to the scene, but they could not contain the blaze. Fueled by the strange chemicals in various buildings, green and yellow flames shot up six and seven stories, threatening to destroy the entire empire Edison had spent his life building.
 Edison calmly but quickly made his way to the fire, through the now hundreds of onlookers and devasted employees, looking for his son. "Go get your mother and all her friends," he told his son with childlike excitement. "They'll never see a fire like this again."

p. 151 Within about three weeks, the factory was partially back up and running. Within a month, its men were working two shifts a day churning out new products the world had never seen. Despite a lof of almost $1 million dollars (more than $23 million in today's dollars), Edison would marshal enough energy to make nearly $10 million dollars in revenue that year ($200-plus million today). He not only suffered a spectacular disaster, but he recovered and replied to it spectacularly.

p. 154 The goal is:
Not: I'm okay with this.
Not: I think I feel good about this.
But: I feel great about it.
Because if it happened, then it was meant to happen, and I am glad that it did when it did. I am meant to make the best of it.

The Swedish Art of Aging Exuberantly (Margareta Magnusson)

 

This book is a hilarious group of random hilarious personal experiences of the author. She has some fun tips on aging and is a great example of just not stopping. She wrote this book in her 80's! It's a quick read and she has a great sense of humor.

Some of her tips:

• Eat chocolate
• Wear stripes
• The world is always ending....relax
• Look after your hair
• Don't leave empty handed (ie when you're going from one room to another...what needs to be taken to where you're going)
• If you bring something new into the house, take one thing out
• Get rid of your junk so your loved ones don't have to deal with it

I hope I'm as ambtious and wise in my 80s!

Goodreads says:

From New York Times bestselling author of The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning— now a TV series developed by Amy Poehler and Scout Productions—a book of humorous and charming advice for embracing life and aging joyfully .

In her international bestseller The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning Margareta Magnusson introduced the world to the Swedish tradition of döstädning , or “death cleaning”—clearing out your unnecessary belongings so others don’t have to do it for you. Now, unburdened by (literal and emotional) baggage, Magnusson is able to focus on what makes each day worth living. In her new book she reveals her discoveries about aging—some difficult to accept, many rather wondrous. She reflects on her idyllic childhood on the west coast of Sweden, the fullness of her life with her husband and five children, and learning how to live alone. Throughout, she offers advice on how to age gracefully, such wear stripes, don’t resist new technology, let go of what doesn’t matter, and more.

As with death cleaning, it’s never too early to begin. The Swedish Art of Aging Exuberantly shows all readers how to prepare for and understand the process of growing older and the joys and sorrows it can bring. While Magnusson still recommends decluttering (your loved ones will thank you!), her ultimate message is that we should not live in fear of death but rather focus on appreciating beauty, connecting with our loved ones, and enjoying our time together.

Wise, funny, and eminently practical, The Swedish Art of Aging Exuberantly is a gentle and welcome reminder that, no matter your age, there are always fresh discoveries ahead, and pleasures both new and familiar to be encountered every day.