The Coddling of the American Mind (Greg Lukianoff, Jonathan Haidt)

 

This book started from an article published in The Atlantic.  It makes for a great audio book. I quite enjoyed it. They have a website: www.thecoddling.com 

They talk a lot about cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which is great. Cognitive distortions are something we should all review, often, I think! 

I've often looked for something to read about how to discuss tricky topics like politics and religion. In this book, I realized that actually, there aren't any tricks. It just needs to be happen. We need to be able to hear and discuss things we disagree about.

This book discusses and emphases three important quotes:

• Prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child. (unknown) 
• ....in other words, helicopter parenting is not healthy. 
• Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own thoughts unguarded. But once mastered, no one can help you as much, not even your father or your mother (Budda)
• The line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being (Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn)
• ...in other words, no one is simply evil, everyone has good ideas

Goodreads says:

Something is going wrong on many college campuses in the last few years. Rates of anxiety, depression, and suicide are rising. Speakers are shouted down. Students and professors say they are walking on eggshells and afraid to speak honestly. How did this happen?

First Amendment expert Greg Lukianoff and social psychologist Jonathan Haidt show how the new problems on campus have their origins in three terrible ideas that have become increasingly woven into American childhood and what doesn’t kill you makes you weaker; always trust your feelings; and life is a battle between good people and evil people. These three Great Untruths are incompatible with basic psychological principles, as well as ancient wisdom from many cultures. They interfere with healthy development. Anyone who embraces these untruths—and the resulting culture of safetyism—is less likely to become an autonomous adult able to navigate the bumpy road of life.

Lukianoff and Haidt investigate the many social trends that have intersected to produce these untruths. They situate the conflicts on campus in the context of America’s rapidly rising political polarization, including a rise in hate crimes and off-campus provocation. They explore changes in childhood including the rise of fearful parenting, the decline of unsupervised play, and the new world of social media that has engulfed teenagers in the last decade.


This is a book for anyone who is confused by what is happening on college campuses today, or has children, or is concerned about the growing inability of Americans to live, work, and cooperate across party lines.

https://youtu.be/IUePfXsuHLE?si=aBrJ8rSd7vhhhtEA 

The Anxious Generation (Jonathan Haidt)

 

Sometimes I hear people talk negatively about this book....that he doesn't really offer any real solutions or that he's catastrophizing. I, however, think he has a pretty compelling argument. I think I subconsciously keep choosing books like this because I want to be on my phone less. 

I should probably do something to deal with the guilt about all the things I did wrong with my own kids and cell phones.....

Some of his suggestions:
1. No cell phones until middle school. (A basic phone watch should suffice until then, if necessary.)
2. No SMART phones until high school.
3. No social media until 16 (18 would be better, but the author acknowledges that might be hard to do.)
4. More outside and free play.
5. Parents should supervise their kids more vigilantly online, but way less in the real world. (Helicoptering and over-controlling are also affecting our kids' development in negative ways.)
6. Schools should be entirely phone-free and provide phone lockers where kids can park their phones at the start of the day and pick them up at the end. There is plenty of evidence to suggest this can drastically improve focus during class as well as school culture. It's not enough to say kids can't have phones during class. Studies have shown that even having it put away in their bag to look at between classes still decreases attention and focus, and contributes to a toxic school culture.

Goodreads says:

A must-read for all parents: the generation-defining investigation into the collapse of youth mental health in the era of smartphones, social media, and big tech—and a plan for a healthier, freer childhood.

“With tenacity and candor, Haidt lays out the consequences that have come with allowing kids to drift further into the virtual world . . . While also offering suggestions and solutions that could help protect a new generation of kids.” —Shannon Carlin, ,i>TIME, 100 Must-Read Books of 2024

After more than a decade of stability or improvement, the mental health of adolescents plunged in the early 2010s. Rates of depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicide rose sharply, more than doubling on many measures. Why?

In The Anxious Generation, social psychologist Jonathan Haidt lays out the facts about the epidemic of teen mental illness that hit many countries at the same time. He then investigates the nature of childhood, including why children need play and independent exploration to mature into competent, thriving adults. Haidt shows how the “play-based childhood” began to decline in the 1980s, and how it was finally wiped out by the arrival of the “phone-based childhood” in the early 2010s. He presents more than a dozen mechanisms by which this “great rewiring of childhood” has interfered with children’s social and neurological development, covering everything from sleep deprivation to attention fragmentation, addiction, loneliness, social contagion, social comparison, and perfectionism. He explains why social media damages girls more than boys and why boys have been withdrawing from the real world into the virtual world, with disastrous consequences for themselves, their families, and their societies.

Most important, Haidt issues a clear call to action. He diagnoses the “collective action problems” that trap us, and then proposes four simple rules that might set us free. He describes steps that parents, teachers, schools, tech companies, and governments can take to end the epidemic of mental illness and restore a more humane childhood.

Haidt has spent his career speaking truth backed by data in the most difficult landscapes—communities polarized by politics and religion, campuses battling culture wars, and now the public health emergency faced by Gen Z. We cannot afford to ignore his findings about protecting our children—and ourselves—from the psychological damage of a phone-based life.

The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry (Rachel Joyce)

 

This book was oddly simple but yet very profound. Harold's walking brings about a lot of time to think about his seemingly unhappy life. However, the process brings him around to figuring himself out and realizing he does want what he has. He walks to try to make amends for mistakes he has made in life and to find forgiveness for others and for himself. He realizes relationships, as full of challenges and as messy as they are, are what matters most. Along the way, sometimes our life gets crowded with all sorts of noise and people - but in the end, it's our partner and children that matter most and bring meaning.

I will go find the other books she has written that explains the story from Queenie's and Maureen's point of view.

Goodreads says:

Recently retired, sweet, emotionally numb Harold Fry is jolted out of his passivity by a letter from Queenie Hennessy, an old friend, who he hasn't heard from in twenty years. She has written to say she is in hospice and wanted to say goodbye. Leaving his tense, bitter wife Maureen to her chores, Harold intends a quick walk to the corner mailbox to post his reply but instead, inspired by a chance encounter, he becomes convinced he must deliver his message in person to Queenie--who is 600 miles away--because as long as he keeps walking, Harold believes that Queenie will not die. So without hiking boots, rain gear, map or cell phone, one of the most endearing characters in current fiction begins his unlikely pilgrimage across the English countryside. Along the way, strangers stir up memories--flashbacks, often painful, from when his marriage was filled with promise and then not, of his inadequacy as a father, and of his shortcomings as a husband. Ironically, his wife Maureen, shocked by her husband's sudden absence, begins to long for his presence. Is it possible for Harold and Maureen to bridge the distance between them? And will Queenie be alive to see Harold arrive at her door?

The Seven Silly Eaters (Mary Ann Hoberman)

 

This is a mom who caters too much to her kids. The mess in the house made me uncomfortable. The kids only remember their mom's birthday by chance.
HOWEVER, I think kids would love this story.

Goodreads says:

Peter wants only milk, Lucy won’t settle for anything but homemade lemonade, and Jack is stuck on applesauce. Each new addition to the household brings a new demand for a special meal. What’s a mother to do? “[A] highly comic rhyming romp that surprisingly (and nicely) twists into a birthday story.” —School Library Journal

The One and Only Family (Katherine Applegate)

 

I loved The One and Only Ivan and the following books have also been amazing. This one is #4 in the series. Katherine Applegate did a masterful job of sharing the feelings of becoming a parent. I happened to be reading this around Father's Day and it seemed particularly profound as I thought of my own dad and my own years growing up.

The view of a father in this story is heart warming: 

p. 113 The moon is pouring liquid light onto the floor of the villa.

Once again, I check on Kinyani. She's asleep, and the infants are barely visible next to her, though every now and then I see a tiny foot kick or a little hand make a fist.

Maya reaches out to close the window shade, and I leap to my feet. No, I want to say. I need to see them.

She seems to understand how agitated I am, because she reconsiders, leaving the shade where it is.

All night. I watch them.

It's my job.

His tender care of his babies:

p. 127 Look at a gorilla infant's hand. Or a human baby's hand, if you don't have access to a newborn gorilla.

Which I suppose is quite likely.

How could anything possibly be so small and so perfect?

Now extend a finger, the way I am doing, the way every father since the beginning of time has done, and watch the way that tiny hand grabs hold as if it means the difference between life and death. Because perhaps it does.

My son is holding on to me.

Even Bob, Ivan's best friend who likes to sleep on his belly, feels the love of a father:

p. 133 "Anyway," Bob says, "it's all gorilla, all the time at our house. No offense, but sometimes I could use a good cartoon. Or a show starring a dog, at least."

You're the starring dog at Julia's house," I point out.

"Nope," Bob says. "That's Rowdy's job these days. And I don't mind a bit. He is awfully adorable."

"I don't think I've ever heard you say the word 'adorable' before," I tease.

"Gotta admit, it did leave a funny taste in my mouth. That's what kids'll do to ya. Soften you up. Make you say things like 'cute' and 'sweet' and 'please, how many more times can I ask you to stop eating Julia's flip-flops?" Bob laughs. "What're you gonna do? You gotta love 'em"

"Yes," I say, "you do."

I love his honesty about the difficulties of parenthood:

p. 146 With each reunion, there's been much exploring of the new grounds and the gorilla villa. And plenty of cooing and carrying on about the twins.

For the most part, we're all getting along. I'm happy to say, and I've adapted well to my role as silverback. 

There are hiccups, to be sure. The blackbacks can get too rambunctious. And I referee occasional squabbles over ripe fruit or sunny rocks. 

But it's nothing I can't handle.

If anything, I find the role of silverback much easier than the role of dad.

Troops have rules.

Toddlers do not.

 The 'go ask your mom' is universal! The twins ask Ivan about growing....getting taller, do your insides keep growing...how does that work?

p. 150 I knew I was in trouble. But then I remembered the go-to answer that has saved countless dads since the beginning of time.

"Good question," I said. "Go ask your mommy."

Ivan really struggles with whether or not he needs to tell his children about his background. Kinyani thinks they should be honest. He isn't so sure. (tough questions)

p. 176 Maybe Kinyani is okay with sharing with her past. But why should Tuma and Raji know about mine?

About my family, killed by poachers?

About how Tag and I were thrown into a crate and sent across the world?

About how she died of pneumonia soon after we arrived at our destination?

About my endless, humiliating years at the mall circus?

How would knowing about those things possibly help the twins? 

The children, however, do find out about his past because of the movie made about him. Ivan is thrown back into those memories of being at a baseball game, wearing a cap, balloons tied to his wrist, eating birthday cake, the mall's giant billboard. My heart broke for him.

p. 227 I feel shame and I don't know why.

What happened to my wasn't my fault.

it was the fault of cruel humans.

It was, I think suddenly, my father's fault, too.

....My domain. Once upon a time, that's what I used to call my cage at the circus.

Once upon a time.

Some stories should never be told.

p. 231 Above me, like a nightmare, more images flash on-screen.

I am wearing a cowboy hat.

I am painting a picture.

I am so cute.

I am so deeply, terribly sad.

His father taught him some good things that he continues to use:

p. 244 I think of my father, and then I remember it. The third rule.

A silverback loves.

But Ivan recovers his strength:

p. 249 The story - my story - has taken flight, like all stories do. I know there's no turning back.

You can't exile stories.

You can't ban truth.

You can't cage hope.

I know that now.

And in the author's note at the end, I thought this was profound. She talks about the power of stories and why we should share them with our children, the next generation.

p. 258 How can we deal with real threats like climate change while staying honest, hopeful, and encouraging?

Well, stories are one way. Kinyani wisely points out that a parent's most important job is not to protect young ones from the world. It is to prepare them for it. 

Goodreads says:

For more than a decade, readers have been enchanted by the modern classic The One and Only Ivan , a Newbery Award winner and a #1 New York Times bestseller, and by its bestselling sequels, The One and Only Bob and The One and Only Ruby . Powerhouse author Katherine Applegate invites readers back into Ivan’s world for one last adventure—his most exciting yet. Ivan has been happily living in a wildlife sanctuary, with his friend Ruby next door in the elephant enclosure, frequent visits from his canine friend Bob, and his mate Kinyani by his side. And in the happiest turn of all, Ivan and Kinyani have welcomed a set of twins to their family! Ivan loves being a papa, even though it can be hard sometimes. But as he navigates the joys and challenges of parenthood, he can’t help but recall his life before the glass walls of the mall circus, his own childhood in the jungle—and his own twin. In the tradition of timeless classics like Charlotte’s Web and Stuart Little , the one and only Katherine Applegate has crafted a poignant, delightful, heartbreaking, unforgettable final foray into the world of Ivan, the world’s favorite silverback.

The Explosive Child (Ross W Greene)

 

I really liked this book. It approaches children respectfully and is collaborative. I think the title is unfortunate. I think all kids would benefit from these strategies - not just the explosive ones. It would work for the ones who don't like to talk or have cut themselves off from adults as well as many other kids.

Goodreads says:

An experienced therapist offers groundbreaking--and compassionate--techniques for helping "chronically inflexible" children, who suffer from excessively immoderate tempers, showing how brain-based deficits contribute to these problems and offering positive and constructive ways to calm things down. 

Mascot (Antony John)

 

There is so much in this story (see the tags!) Noah is devious and cynical, and rightly so, after being dealt the terrible blow of being a paraplegic after an accident  where his dad died. It's a great story on the physical and emotional work it takes to overcome a tragedy. The characters are very realistic and quite likable, even when they're being rotten teenagers. 

Our book club had a great discussion about mascots, how they originated and the symbolism of mascots. We also talked about the dilemma of cell phones and distracted driving. Lots to discuss in this book!

Goodreads says:

Noah Savino has been stuck in a wheelchair for months. He hates the way people treat him like he’s helpless now. He’s sick of going to physical therapy, where he isn’t making any progress. He’s tired of not having control over his own body. And he misses playing baseball—but not as much as he misses his dad, who died in the car accident that paralyzed Noah.

Noah is scared he’ll never feel like his old self again. He doesn’t want people to think of him as different for the rest of his life. With the help of family and friends, he’ll have to throw off the mask he’s been hiding behind and face the fears that have kept him on the sidelines if he ever wants to move forward.

54 Things Wrong With Gwendolyn Rogers (Caela Carter)

 

I read this book with my Children's Lit book club. It seemed like a great read for all the time we have spent thinking and talking and working on inclusion. We weren't disappointed. I think this would be a great book for every teacher to read! The author did a great job creating a character (maybe because she was like herself!) who could explain how it feels to struggle with school and life. 

Goodreads says:

An own voices story that shines a light on how one girl's learning differences are neither right nor wrong...just perfectly individual.

No one can figure out what Gwendolyn Rogers's problem is--not her mom, or her teachers, or any of the many therapists she's seen. But Gwendolyn knows she doesn't have just one thing wrong with her: she has fifty-four.

At least, according to a confidential school report (that she read because she is #16. Sneaky, not to mention #13. Impulsive). So Gwendolyn needs a plan, because if she doesn't get these fifty-four things under control, she's not going to be able to go to horse camp this summer with her half-brother, Tyler.

But Tyler can't help her because there's only one thing "wrong" with him: ADHD.

And her best friend Hettie can't help her because there's nothing wrong with Hettie. She's perfect.

So Gwendolyn is hopeless until she remembers the one thing that helped her mother when her own life was out of control. Or actually, the twelve things. Can these Twelve Steps that cured her mother somehow cure Gwendolyn too?

Woolbur (Leslie Helakoski)

 

We loved the language that was repeated again and again because once students realized that was happening, they'd join in.  This would be a good companion book with Fifty Four Things Wrong Gwendolyn Rogers with respect to the feelings parents have when their child isn't a conformist! 

Goodreads says:

Woolbur is a free-spirited, fluffy, one-of-a-kind sheep! He knows the most important accessories are confidence and fearlessness.

Woolbur is not like other sheep. He hangs out with wild dogs and even dyes his wool blue.

"Don't worry!" says Grandpaa when Maa and Paa fret that Woolbur is different. But when they tell their son to follow the flock, the opposite happens—the flock follows him! Soon everyone is copying his wild hairstyles and taking turns on the spinning wheel. Leave it to Woolbur to find a new way to step ahead of the herd.

Spunky, funky, and refreshingly distinct, Woolbur will strike a chord with anyone who's ever felt different. And that's all of us!

Fing (David Walliams)

 

I've never read a David Walliams book aloud before. I don't even think I've read one of his books...but I decided to read this one to my class because I felt like we needed something crazy that they'd really enjoy a good laugh about. When I was reading, my students had some serious belly laughs and it was a delight to see them enjoy it so much. It is especially "explosively funny" if you are 8 years old.

In this story, Myrtle is a terribly spoiled and rotten child. In the end, she gets her due....thank goodness! 

Goodreads says:

The jaw-achingly funny children’s book from No. 1 bestselling author David Walliams – a deliciously daft Tall Story of a child who had everything, but still wanted more. Illustrated by artistic genius, Tony Ross.

Meet the Meeks!

Myrtle Meek has everything she could possibly want. But everything isn’t enough. She wants more, more, MORE! When Myrtle declares she wants a FING, there’s only one problem… What is a FING?

Mr and Mrs Meek will do anything to keep their darling daughter happy, even visit the spooky library vaults to delve into the dusty pages of the mysterious Monsterpedia. Their desperate quest leads to the depths of the jungliest jungle where the rarest creatures can be found. But will they ever find a FING?

An explosively funny, totally surreal Tall Story about two perfectly nice parents and their unbelievably monstrous daughter from the phenomenal bestselling author David Walliams.

What Happened To You? (Oprah Winfrey and

 

 I listened to the audio book. It's mostly Bruce Perry but now and then Oprah interjects and asks questions as if she is interviewing him. Bruce Perry apparently has done a lot of work for her and with her with different people. One significant group was girls at the school Oprah started in Africa. He has also worked with children who survived cults as well as many other extremely traumatized individuals. It's clear he knows what he's talking about.

The gist of the book seems to be that we shouldn't be asking what is wrong with you, but instead, what happened to you. This brings about more understanding and compassion and leads to healing. 

My favorite part was the last chapter where Oprah shared her story and talked about how what happened to you can lead to your super power. Earlier in the book they had talked about how all super hero stories begin with a crisis. They become super heroes through an accidental tragedy. It's good to think of our trauma as something that can create greatness in us.

Goodreads says:

"Through this lens we can build a renewed sense of personal self-worth and ultimately recalibrate our responses to circumstances, situations, and relationships. It is, in other words, the key to reshaping our very lives.”
―Oprah Winfrey

This book is going to change the way you see your life.

Have you ever wondered "Why did I do that?" or "Why can't I just control my behavior?" Others may judge our reactions and think, "What's wrong with that person?" When questioning our emotions, it's easy to place the blame on ourselves; holding ourselves and those around us to an impossible standard. It's time we started asking a different question.

Through deeply personal conversations, Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain and trauma expert Dr. Bruce Perry offer a groundbreaking and profound shift from asking “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?” Our earliest experiences shape our lives far down the road, and What Happened to You? provides powerful scientific and emotional insights into the behavioral patterns so many of us struggle to understand.

Here, Winfrey shares stories from her own past, understanding through experience the vulnerability that comes from facing trauma and adversity at a young age. Joining forces with Dr. Perry, one of the world’s leading experts on childhood and brain development, Winfrey and Dr. Perry marry the power of storytelling with science to better understand and overcome the effects of our pasts.

In conversation throughout the book, the two focus on understanding people, behavior, and ourselves. It’s a subtle but profound shift in our approach to trauma, and it’s one that allows us to understand our pasts in order to clear a path to our future―opening the door to resilience and healing in a proven, powerful way.

Little Fox and the Wild Imagination (Jorma Taccone and Dan Santat)

 

Pure Dan Santat craziness. Love it!

Super cute representation of the value of imagination. 
My favorite part is where they have to read all the books (5000!) before bed. 

Goodreads says:

BEWARE!

This is a tale of great caution, terror, and destruction . . .

of bath time, and bedtime, and the battle in between.

This is the story of Little Fox and one VERY BIG imagination.

Debut author Jorma Taccone, member of the hit comedy trio The Lonely Island, has paired up with New York Times–bestselling, Caldecott Medal–winning illustrator Dan Santat to create Little Fox and the Wild Imagination, a picture book about time, space, and even giant-robot-squids.

New Kid (Jerry Craft)

First graphic novel of the summer! I definitely need to work on my graphic novel reading skills. I tend to read just the words rather than absorb the pictures and fly through these kinds of books. It took me about an hour to read this book. I definitely could have spent more time looking at the illustrations as much of the story is in its "non-verbal communication". 

This is a good quality story. Being the new kid is not easy. Jordan Banks is the new kid AND he's a minority in his fancy new school. The story is really well-told and addresses many important issues. Jordan isn't the only one struggling with figuring himself out and with fitting in. It starts on the very first day of school and ends on the last day. An overarching theme could be how important it is to get to know people rather than make assumptions about them.

Jordan Banks is in 7th grade, so this book might be for kids a little older than my students - but I think they would read it and enjoy it and get a lot out of it.

Goodreads says:

A graphic novel about starting over at a new school where diversity is low and the struggle to fit in is real.

Seventh grader Jordan Banks loves nothing more than drawing cartoons about his life. But instead of sending him to the art school of his dreams, his parents enroll him in a prestigious private school known for its academics, where Jordan is one of the few kids of color in his entire grade.

As he makes the daily trip from his Washington Heights apartment to the upscale Riverdale Academy Day School, Jordan soon finds himself torn between two worlds—and not really fitting into either one. Can Jordan learn to navigate his new school culture while keeping his neighborhood friends and staying true to himself?

Mothering With Spiritual Power (Debra Sansing Woods)

I bought this book years ago and recently re-discovered it on my shelf. Since I have more time in the mornings these days because there is no seminary each morning, I have been spending the first hour(s) of my mornings reading. This book has been a joy to go to each morning. It's worth re-visiting again and again. I am going to add a note in gospel library so that when I come across each of the scriptures she starts each chapter with I can go back to it and re-read those chapters. I can see this being a good resources when preparing talks or lessons. The author has a sincere sappy-free approach to sharing her insights.

Goodreads says:

Mothering with Spiritual Power is an eloquent and heartfelt book that speaks to mothers of the sacred nature of motherhood and the awesome spiritual power available to them through the gospel of Jesus Christ. Using twenty-five favorite Book of Mormon scriptures as inspiration, Debra Woods shows mothers how they can find answers to a myriad of parenting questions and challenges as they raise their children in the latter-days. Through stories and experiences taken from her own life, she offers simple suggestions for making meaningful connections with your children - suggestions on how to turn weaknesses into strengths, ideas on how to foster an atmosphere of peace and harmony, ways in which mothers can support each other, and helps for the mother who must forgive her children, and herself. Mothering with Spiritual Power is a celebration of motherhood, family life, and the difference the gospel of Jesus Christ can make for mothers and families everywhere. 

Trumpet of the Swan (EB White)

I read Trumpet of the Swan years ago and loved it. I can't remember exactly when it was: university? when I was younger? I always have wanted to read it with my students and always encourage them to read it. However, I don't think I had re-read it until now. Now that I've re-read it, it may be one that I don't recommend. The father swan (cob) says weird things about having a son with a disability. They may be things that were more acceptable "back in the day" but now, it is kind of shocking. However, I do love Louis' stick-to-itness and problem solving. 

Re-read June 2022: One of my students had read this book aloud with his brother and mom and really wanted to have it as a read-aloud in class and he persuaded the others to vote for it. I would have never chosen it, but it was a good experience. I skipped through some of the long descriptive and repetitive language (oh EB, you can go on and on!)  and changed some words (First Nation's boy instead of indian, happy instead of gay, strange instead of queer, etc.). Since we were doing animal life cycles right now and our Open Court unit, City Wildlife, it fit in quite well!

We also watched the movie and it wasn't a big hit. The kids said it's old-style animation (sheesh!)


Goodreads says:

Like the rest of his family, Louis is a trumpeter swan. But unlike his four brothers and sisters, Louis can't trumpet joyfully. In fact, he can't even make a sound. And since he can't trumpet his love, the beautiful swan Serena pays absolutely no attention to him.

Louis tries everything he can think of to win Serena's affection—he even goes to school to learn to read and write. But nothing seems to work. Then his father steals him a real brass trumpet. Is a musical instrument the key to winning Louis his love? 

Big Little Lies (Liane Moriarty)

This book kept me up way too late. Usually I don't like to read books about domestic violence and infidelity, but I loved this book. In some ways it seemed shallow and yet it seemed entirely realistic. The way everyone kept their secrets is what people really do. As a teacher who watches families who become friends through school, the banter between people in the story made me laugh. Each of the characters in this book represented people I know. It was very relatable. The story was well written and light-hearted while being very serious. I didn't figure out who died until way after most readers probably do. LOL


Goodreads says:

Madeline is a force to be reckoned with. She’s funny and biting, passionate, she remembers everything and forgives no one. Her ex-husband and his yogi new wife have moved into her beloved beachside community, and their daughter is in the same kindergarten class as Madeline’s youngest (how is this possible?). And to top it all off, Madeline’s teenage daughter seems to be choosing Madeline’s ex-husband over her. (How. Is. This. Possible?).

Celeste is the kind of beautiful woman who makes the world stop and stare. While she may seem a bit flustered at times, who wouldn’t be, with those rambunctious twin boys? Now that the boys are starting school, Celeste and her husband look set to become the king and queen of the school parent body. But royalty often comes at a price, and Celeste is grappling with how much more she is willing to pay.

New to town, single mom Jane is so young that another mother mistakes her for the nanny. Jane is sad beyond her years and harbors secret doubts about her son. But why? While Madeline and Celeste soon take Jane under their wing, none of them realizes how the arrival of Jane and her inscrutable little boy will affect them all.

Big Little Lies is a brilliant take on ex-husbands and second wives, mothers and daughters, schoolyard scandal, and the dangerous little lies we tell ourselves just to survive. 

North of Normal (Cea Sunrise Person)

I read this with my community book club. It is another book I likely wouldn't have picked up if it wasn't for book club. It was one of those books I read with one eye closed. Partially, it was because of the crudeness. Partially, it was because I couldn't stand the idea of a mother raising a child the way they did. And partially, it was because I truly can't imagine living that way.  I related to some of the one star reviews on Goodreads, but I'd have to give it more than one star, for sure. Although sad and crazy, it's a fascinating story. Cea's resilience was amazing. I was curious because they lived in areas I also lived and I could have quite easily crossed paths with this family. I read it quite quickly - in two sittings, pretty much. It's an easy read. I have to wonder at the luck she had though. How does someone grow up like that, one day decide to go be a model, and become successful at it? What are the chances??! It's a memoir though, so who am I to question her experience.


Goodreads says:

In the late 1960s, riding the crest of the counterculture movement, Cea’s family left a comfortable existence in California to live off the land in northern Alberta. But unlike most commune dwellers of the time, the Persons weren’t trying to build a new society—they wanted to escape civilization altogether. Led by Cea’s grandfather Dick, they lived in a canvas Teepee, grew pot, and hunted and gathered to survive.

Living out her grandparents’ dream with her teenage mother, Michelle, young Cea knew little of the world beyond her forest. She spent her summers playing nude in the meadow and her winters snowshoeing behind the grandfather she idolized. Despite fierce storms, food shortages and the occasional drug-and-sex-infused party for visitors, it was a happy existence. For Michelle, however, there was one crucial element missing: a man. When Cea was five, Michelle took her on the road with a new boyfriend. As the trio set upon a series of ill-fated adventures, Cea began to question both her highly unusual world and the hedonistic woman at the centre of it—questions that eventually evolved into an all-consuming search for a more normal life. Finally, in her early teens, Cea realized she would have to make a choice as drastic as the one her grandparents once had made in order to get the life she craved.

From nature child to international model by the age of thirteen, Cea’s astonishing saga is one of long-held family secrets and extreme family dysfunction, all in an incredibly unusual setting. It is also the story of one girl’s deep-seated desire for normality—a desire that enabled her to risk everything, overcome adversity and achieve her dreams.

Educated (Tara Westover)

I read this book slowly. Sometimes I wanted to soak it up. Sometimes I could only take so much.

Part of what really drew me in was the dysfunctional traits I saw in families I know. Tara's family honors their father and even though he is clearly out of line, mentally ill and puts family members' lives in danger, the unwavering dedication to following him was an extreme example of things I've seen. Tara doesn't follow quite so easily and struggles for years as she goes in and out of feeling comfortable with that expectation. It made me uncomfortable that they were members of the church. However, she is careful to add that this isn`t a story about the church. It`s a story about family and mental illness and dysfunctional relationships. They took what the church teaches to an unhealthy extreme. I felt shame that it could be rooted in something I love but turn into something so terrible. Now she is no longer active in the church. I`m not surprised. It`s pretty impossible to grow up with abuse and have a good relationship with religion and God. Her abuse was too connected and excused by religious teachings and breaking free of that was really the only way to get healthy.

People in the family have a series of terrible accidents that are treated by oils and tinctures. Those were parts I could hardly stand.

Tara has a brother that is abusive and mentally ill. I don't know why the family defended him and let the needs of almost every one else in the family go unmet. I wanted to punch him in the face. The guy needs help and my guess is he'll end up in jail one day. I was angry at her mother for not standing up for her children. All through the book the family is preparing for the Day of Abomination. I felt like the mother was an abomination. She stood by her mentally ill husband even though there are windows of time where she admits he is fallible. She even stands by him when he for some absurd reason, refuses to admit (first I wrote see....but you can't tell me he couldn't see it) the abuse his son, Shawn dealt. Why do some parents do that? It is incomprehensible to me - but then again, it is something I`ve seen to a lesser extreme. Still, it makes me reel.

I loved that Tara is saved by education. Even though she never went to school, she learns to learn and goes to BYU to learn. She had to learn how to take tests, the importance of text books, and she had her mind opened to many things that we take for granted. She was saved by finally becoming educated, along with two of her brothers. It was truly a miracle.

p. 180 I did not think of my brother as that person; I doubt I will ever think of him that way. But something had shifted nonetheless. I had started on a path of awareness, had perceived something elemental about my brother, my father, myself. I had discerned the ways in which we had been sculpted by a tradition given to us by others, a tradition of which we were either willfully or accidentally ignorant. I had begun to understand that we had lent our voices to a discourse whose whole purpose was to dehumanize and brutalize others - because nurturing that discourse was easier, because retaining power always feels like the way forward.
     I could not have articulated this, not as I sweated through those searing afternoons in the forklift. I did not have the language I have now. But I understood this one fact: that a thousand times I had been called Nigger, and laughed and now I could not laugh. The word and the way Shawn said it hadn`t changed; only my ears were different. They no longer heard the jingle of a joke in it. What they heard was a signal, a call through time, which was answered with a mounting conviction: that never again would I allow myself to be made a food soldier in a conflict I did not understand.

Throughout the story, when she is away at BYU and then Cambridge, she doesn`t tell people much about her family. She hides their truths. Her mother abandons and allows her to be in danger when working with her dad and abused by her brother. Instead of feeling rage, Tara feels shame. However, along the way something clicks that causes a change:

p. 273 I told them I`d been poor. I told them I`d been ignorant, and in telling them this I felt not he slightest prick of shame. Only then did I understand where the shame had come from: it wasn`t that I hadn`t studied in a marble conservatory, or that my father wasn`t a diplomat. It wasn`t that Dad was half out of his mind, or that Mother followed him. It had  come from having a father who shoved me toward the chomping blades of the Shear, instead of pulling me away from them. It had come from those moments on the floor, from knowing that Mother was in the next room, closing her eyes and ears to me, choosing, for that moment, not to be my mother at all.

Her brother, Tyler, finally gets it and stands up. In the end, although he recognizes the abuse, he doesn`t distance himself totally from the family. What he said to Tara though was so true:

p. 316 Our parents are held down by chains of abuse, manipulation, and control....They see change as dangerous and will exile anyone who asks for it. This is a perverted idea of family loyalty...they claim faith, but this is not what the gospel teaches. Keep safe. We love you.

Tara has to become a new person to survive. She has to separate herself from her parents and now has no relationship with them. So many times when she`d go back to her family I wanted to scream, `Don`t go!` The compelling ties to family make living a healthy life really difficult for her. I get that. I feel for her. Finally, in the end, she decided she could not live a healthy life with them in it.

p. 328 If there was a single moment when he breach between us, which had been cracking and splintering for two decides, was at least too vast to be bridged, I believe it was that winter night, when I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, while, without m knowing it, my father grasped the phone in his knotted hands and dialed my brothe, Diego, the knife. What followed was very dramatic. But the real drama had already played out in the bathroom.
     It had played out when, for reasons I don`t understand, I was unable to climb through the mirror and send out my sixteen-year-old self in my place.
     Until that moment she had always been there. No matter how much I appeared to have changed - how illustrious my education, ow altered my appearance - I was still her. At best I was two people, a fractured mind. She was inside, and emerged whenever I crossed the threshold of my father`s house.
     That night I called on her and she didn`t answer. She left me. She stayed in the mirror. The decisions I made after that momet were not the ones she would have made. They were the choices of a changed person, a new self.
     You could call this selfhood many things. Transformation. Metamorphosis. Falsity. Betrayal.
     I can it an education.

I found myself googling information about this family after I finished the book. Are they real? Do they really run a health business? Where are her parents now? It looks like they're still denying everything.They also run a huge business.


Goodreads says:

An unforgettable memoir in the tradition of The Glass Castle about a young girl who, kept out of school, leaves her survivalist family and goes on to earn a PhD from Cambridge University

Tara Westover was 17 the first time she set foot in a classroom. Born to survivalists in the mountains of Idaho, she prepared for the end of the world by stockpiling home-canned peaches and sleeping with her "head-for-the-hills bag". In the summer she stewed herbs for her mother, a midwife and healer, and in the winter she salvaged in her father's junkyard.

Her father forbade hospitals, so Tara never saw a doctor or nurse. Gashes and concussions, even burns from explosions, were all treated at home with herbalism. The family was so isolated from mainstream society that there was no one to ensure the children received an education and no one to intervene when one of Tara's older brothers became violent.

Then, lacking any formal education, Tara began to educate herself. She taught herself enough mathematics and grammar to be admitted to Brigham Young University, where she studied history, learning for the first time about important world events like the Holocaust and the civil rights movement. Her quest for knowledge transformed her, taking her over oceans and across continents, to Harvard and to Cambridge. Only then would she wonder if she'd traveled too far, if there was still a way home.

Educated is an account of the struggle for self-invention. It is a tale of fierce family loyalty and of the grief that comes with severing the closest of ties. With the acute insight that distinguishes all great writers, Westover has crafted a universal coming-of-age story that gets to the heart of what an education is and what it offers: the perspective to see one's life through new eyes and the will to change it.

Margo Thinks Twice

 Is this story an example of how parental hovering induces anxiety into children's lives? Let Margo play, I say!

I didn't love it. But, hey, the author is Canadian! One point for that.




Goodreads says:

Margo is an imaginative, adventurous little girl who has just one problem — worry has found its way into her life. She sometimes feels nervous and uncomfortable, especially inside the wild world her imagination creates. Whenever her mom gives instructions, Margo’s mind turns the everyday advice into worst-case scenarios. Mom tells Margo to be careful with the craft glue, and Margo imagines becoming stuck to all the furniture and decorations in her room. Mom advises Margo not to swing too high, and Margo envisions ending up on the roof.

Monica Arnaldo’s warm and inviting mixed-media artwork brings these flights of fancy to life, playing out Margo’s fears and highlighting her expressive face. Luckily, Margo’s mom comes up with an idea to ease her daughter’s anxieties and encourage her inventive spirit in a positive way. Careful readers will pick up on subtle hints throughout the book before the secret is revealed: Margo’s family adopts a pet dog! He’s energetic, friendly, clumsy, and messy—just the outlet she needs to be distracted from her worries.