The Anxious Generation (Jonathan Haidt)

 

Sometimes I hear people talk negatively about this book....that he doesn't really offer any real solutions or that he's catastrophizing. I, however, think he has a pretty compelling argument. I think I subconsciously keep choosing books like this because I want to be on my phone less. 

I should probably do something to deal with the guilt about all the things I did wrong with my own kids and cell phones.....

Some of his suggestions:
1. No cell phones until middle school. (A basic phone watch should suffice until then, if necessary.)
2. No SMART phones until high school.
3. No social media until 16 (18 would be better, but the author acknowledges that might be hard to do.)
4. More outside and free play.
5. Parents should supervise their kids more vigilantly online, but way less in the real world. (Helicoptering and over-controlling are also affecting our kids' development in negative ways.)
6. Schools should be entirely phone-free and provide phone lockers where kids can park their phones at the start of the day and pick them up at the end. There is plenty of evidence to suggest this can drastically improve focus during class as well as school culture. It's not enough to say kids can't have phones during class. Studies have shown that even having it put away in their bag to look at between classes still decreases attention and focus, and contributes to a toxic school culture.

Goodreads says:

A must-read for all parents: the generation-defining investigation into the collapse of youth mental health in the era of smartphones, social media, and big tech—and a plan for a healthier, freer childhood.

“With tenacity and candor, Haidt lays out the consequences that have come with allowing kids to drift further into the virtual world . . . While also offering suggestions and solutions that could help protect a new generation of kids.” —Shannon Carlin, ,i>TIME, 100 Must-Read Books of 2024

After more than a decade of stability or improvement, the mental health of adolescents plunged in the early 2010s. Rates of depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicide rose sharply, more than doubling on many measures. Why?

In The Anxious Generation, social psychologist Jonathan Haidt lays out the facts about the epidemic of teen mental illness that hit many countries at the same time. He then investigates the nature of childhood, including why children need play and independent exploration to mature into competent, thriving adults. Haidt shows how the “play-based childhood” began to decline in the 1980s, and how it was finally wiped out by the arrival of the “phone-based childhood” in the early 2010s. He presents more than a dozen mechanisms by which this “great rewiring of childhood” has interfered with children’s social and neurological development, covering everything from sleep deprivation to attention fragmentation, addiction, loneliness, social contagion, social comparison, and perfectionism. He explains why social media damages girls more than boys and why boys have been withdrawing from the real world into the virtual world, with disastrous consequences for themselves, their families, and their societies.

Most important, Haidt issues a clear call to action. He diagnoses the “collective action problems” that trap us, and then proposes four simple rules that might set us free. He describes steps that parents, teachers, schools, tech companies, and governments can take to end the epidemic of mental illness and restore a more humane childhood.

Haidt has spent his career speaking truth backed by data in the most difficult landscapes—communities polarized by politics and religion, campuses battling culture wars, and now the public health emergency faced by Gen Z. We cannot afford to ignore his findings about protecting our children—and ourselves—from the psychological damage of a phone-based life.

Before Happiness (Shawn Achor)

 

Notes:

The author says that we can create positive realities...and when we do that, we are happier. Happiness actually comes before success, not from it.

His TedTalk is worth watching.

1. Reality Architecture

- Realize that multiple versions of reality exist. Some will always see the negative and a few will see the positive. 

- Whichever one you choose to focus on, you can dramatically reduce the affects of stress.

- If you change your viewpoint, you can see different advantages
- Pursue the most advantageous reality

2. Mental Cartography

- Highlight meaning markers along the way

- Find many meanings and different ways to look at how you can achieve success - this is called reorienting your map for success

- Map your success routes before you look for escape routes

- Don't start at zero. Show yourself some progress you've already made and start there.

- Find points of progress you can celebrate along the way

3. Cancel the Noise - boost the signal that points to greater

- Noise check your life: is information coming in unusable, unpractical, hypothetical and distracting - cancel it out!  

- Do the 5% experiment. For two weeks, try to decrease your information intake by 5%. Cut out information that fits some of the information on "noise"

- Keep a car radio off for the first five minutes of your commute, limit TV news, and limit articles that report on negative events half a world away

- Create active noise canceling by posting a sign next to your desk listing the 3 waves of positive energy

    - I will keep my worry in proportion to the likelihood of the event

    - I will not ruin 10,000 days to be right on a handful

    - I will not equate worrying with being loving or responsible

- Fact Check - keep your worrying in proportion to the likelihood of the event by asking these two questions:

        1. How often has this negative event happened in the past?

        2. How often has this negative event occurred to me personally?

- Do a 5-minute writing exercise. Anytime you hear doubting voices, take 5 minutes to write about things you feel passionate and positive about (your children, your sports, your values, your faith). By actively canceling such noises, you can increase your performance by 10-15%.

- Exercise! Add exercise to your routine. It decreases anxiety by as much as 20%. 

4. Creating Positive Inception - transfer your reality to others

- The person who speaks first is often perceived to be the leader. Set the tone by saying something helpful first.

- The social script has to be written by someone. Why not you?! 

- Make your tone and look fit your words. Nod and smile when others are sharing to make your non-verbals positive.

- Change the script from tragedy to comedy. Humor wields more social influence.

- Share stories from people who have benefited from what you do to inspire others.

- Start each conversation with a compliment or encouraging comment

- Add 3 smiles: flex your powerful positivity muscle 3 times a day

- Write down funny things you hear and find a way to share it in the next 24 hours (but not with a FWD email or post!)

- Create a narrative - develop a shared positive narrative about a time you or your team overcame something. Write out a real story with climax, conflict and resolving action.

Working on your humor

- keep lists of jokes and funny stories

- watch comedy shows to work on your timing

Goodreads says:

Why are some people able to make positive change while others remain the same?

In his international bestseller, The Happiness Advantage, Harvard trained researcher Shawn Achor described why happiness is the precursor to greater success. This book is about what comes before both. Because before we can be happy or successful, we need to first develop the ability to see that positive change is possible. Only once we learn to see the world through a more positive lens can we summon all our motivation, emotion, and intelligence to achieve our personal and professional goals.

In Before Happiness, Achor reveals five actionable, proven strategies for changing our lens to positive:

· The Most Valuable Reality: See a broader range of ideas and solutions by changing the details on which your brain chooses to focus
· Success Mapping: Set goals oriented around the things in life that matter to you most, whether career advancement or family or making a difference in the world
· The X-spot: Use success accelerants to propel you more quickly towards those goals, whether finishing a marathon, reaching a sales target, learning a language, or losing 10 pounds
· Noise-Canceling: Boost the signal pointing you to opportunities and possibilities that others miss
· Positive Inception: Transfer these skills to your team, your employees, and everyone around you

By mastering these strategies, you’ll create an renewable source of positivity, motivation, and engagement that will allow you to reach your fullest potential in everything you do.

His TedTalk is great:

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents (Lindsay Gibson)

 

The chapter on how children react differently to emotionally immature parents was really helpful for understanding some people.

Notes:

The last chapters were my favorites....although, the background from the first chapters is probably what made them so good.

Chapter 8

Our early dependance on our parents creates patterns. As an adult, don't expect the relationship to get better. That requires two people and isn't always possible. Try to relate to your parent in a neutral way. Approach interactions between the two of you on an observational perspective. Manage the interaction rather than engaging emotionally.

You can't expect immature people to be different than they are - but you can decide on your own goals for interactions. You might have a goal to express yourself, even though you're nervous. You can't make the other party understand - but you can control how you communicate. Focus on the outcome, not the relationship. If you focus on the relationship and try to improve it, an interaction with an emotionally immature person will deteriorate and then you'll be disappointed at the lack of improvement.

Managing, not engaging: Instead of emotionally engaging with immature people, set a goal of managing interaction, including length of time and topics. Gently ease past uncomfortable topics. Be prepared to respond with the exact same thing as many times as necessary. Also manage your own emotions by observing and narrating your feelings to yourself, rather than becoming reactive.

Observe objectively and manage the interaction when the interactions don't go well.

Mentally describe what's happening when conversations go awry. It allows you to move from the emotional part of your brain to the logical part. Another strategy is to count. "How long did your parent go on that time?" You could look at a clock and decide how much longer you're going to listen. When time is up, politely interrupt and disengage.

Be okay with doing what is all you can emotionally do. Just relate as a fellow adult, not a child hoping for a parent to give the love you need. Step out of your old role self. This is where emotional healing begins.

Chapter 9

Your first job is really your own self care. You no longer have to exhaust yourself with excessive empathy for others so that you can find acceptance and love. 

Chapter 10 Identifying Emotionally Mature People

1. They're realistic and reliable

2. They work with reality rather than fighting it. They see problems and try to fix them. If changes aren't possible, they try to make the best of what they've got.

3. They can feel and think at the same time. Because of this, it is easy to work things out with them. 

4. Their consistency makes them reliable. They have an integrated sense of self and will respond basically the same across different situations.

5. They don't take everything personally. They can laugh at themself and their foibles. They realize they're fallible and are doing the best they can. They realize people can put their foot in their mouth now and then and forgive people for social gaffs. It's just a mistake, not a rejection.

6. They're respectful and reciprocal. It feels like they're looking out for you.

7. They respect your boundaries. 

8. They tune into how other people are feeling. Their ability to tune into people's feelings becomes second nature. Emotionally immature people tell you what you really meant. It's motivated by a desire to be in control. Mature people don't pretend to know you better than you know yourself. 

9. They give back. They want to help and are generous with their time. They will give back more than they get for a while, but won't continue relationships that seem too unbalanced. 

10. They try to be fair and objective. If you have to change your plans, they don't feel personally rejected. They can let you know if they're disappointed without holding it against you. They will give you the benefit of the doubt. They're collaborative and open to other's ideas. When you work together, both of you feel satisfied. Compromise means a mutual balancing of desires. (Emotionally immature people pressure people into unbalanced compromises and they think relationships are about compromise).

11. They're even tempered (the sooner temper shows up in a relationship, the more of a red flag it is. Emotionally immature people show anger by withdrawing love). Emotionally mature people will ask you what's wrong and work to solve the conflict. They won't give you the silent treatment.

12. They are willing to be influenced. They have a secure sense of self. They don't feel threatened or feel weak when others see things differently. They'll listen and try to understand your point of view.

13. They're truthful. Telling the truth is the basis of trust. They understand why you're upset if they lied or gave you a false impression. When honesty really counts, they're genuine and forthcoming. 

14. Their empathy makes you feel safe. Along with self-awareness, empathy is the soul of emotional intelligence, guiding people towards pro-social behavior and fairness in dealing with others. Non-empathetic people overlook your feelings. 

15. They make you feel seen and understood. They remember things you've told them and bring it up later. 

16. They see you positively and keep a mental library of your best qualities. They seem to know you better than you know yourself. You feel like you can be completely yourself with them. The more you share with them, the more they share with you. 

17. They aren't afraid of your emotions. They don't tell you you should be feeling another way. 

18. They like to comfort and be comforted. They have an emotional engagement instinct that works naturally. They know how important friendly support can be.

19. They reflect on their actions and try to change. They understand how people affect each other emotionally. They're willing to absorb feedback. They have interest in and curiosity about other people's impressions and are willing to take action as a result of self-reflection. If you're clear about what bothers you, they'll listen and attempt to change as appropriate.

20. They can laugh and be playful. They can use light heartedness to relieve stress. Emotionally immature people use humor that makes fun of people so that they feel better about themself. Humor with an edge such as sarcasm. In excess, it reflects cynicism, which is hard to live with.

21. They're enjoyable to be around. They have an overall positive vibe. For the most part, they're able to generate their own good feelings and enjoy life. 

When meeting people on-line:

- all personal writing reveals something about what people think

- reading what people have written gives you time to reflect on how they make you feel

- are they respectful of your boundaries in how fast or slow they want to get to know you? Are they okay with your pace of responding?

- are they reciprocal? Do they reference what you said in your previous message or do they immediately launch into something else?

- is it easy to schedule things with them?

- take a moment to jot down your thoughts after reading their profile...how do feel inside? Will you feel comfortable being yourself or do you need to watch what you say and how you say it?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I asked AI to make a list of action items from the book to help readers heal, set boundaries and grow emotionally as well as a worksheet: 

---

🌱 1. Identify Emotionally Immature Behaviors

• Reflect on your childhood to recognize traits like:

  • Lack of empathy from parents

  • Chronic invalidation of your emotions

  • Parentification (you taking care of the parent)

• Journal examples of when your emotional needs were dismissed or ignored.

---

🛡️ 2. Learn Emotional Boundaries

• Practice saying “no” or expressing discomfort even when it feels hard.

• Use “I” statements (e.g., “I feel uncomfortable when...”) to communicate needs.

• Limit contact or set time boundaries with emotionally immature individuals.

---

🧠 3. Stop Taking It Personally

• Remind yourself that their behavior is about them, not your worth.

• Use cognitive reframing to recognize that emotional immaturity stems from their limitations, not your failings.

---

💬 4. Engage with Emotionally Safe People

• Seek out relationships where emotional reciprocity, empathy, and support exist.

• Build a "support team" of friends, therapists, or support groups.

---

🧘 5. Reparent Yourself

• Practice self-compassion daily: “I am worthy of love and respect.”

• Develop internal validation: Check in with your feelings and affirm them.

• Nurture your inner child with affirming messages and care routines.

---

📚 6. Learn About Emotional Maturity

• Understand traits of emotional maturity: accountability, empathy, consistency.

• Model these traits in your own behavior and relationships.

---

🧩 7. Stop Over-Explaining or People-Pleasing

• Give brief, clear answers—don’t justify or over-defend your decisions.

• Practice tolerating the discomfort of someone’s disapproval or confusion.

---

🛠️ 8. Use the "Observer Self"

• Notice your reactions with curiosity rather than judgment.

• Step back mentally during interactions to reduce reactivity.

---

🔄 9. Break the Cycle

• Consciously choose new ways of relating to others—especially in conflict.

• Acknowledge patterns that don’t serve you and experiment with alternatives.

---

---

🧠 Healing from Emotionally Immature Parents – Self-Reflection Worksheet

Name: _________________________  Date: ___________________

---

1. Recognize Emotionally Immature Behaviors

Reflect on behaviors you experienced growing up.

List 3 examples where your emotions were dismissed or ignored:

• ---

• ---

• ---

---

2. Define Healthy Boundaries

What boundary do you need to set with someone in your life?

🗒️ Example: I will not answer calls after 8 PM.

• ---

How will you express this boundary clearly and calmly?

• ---

---

3. Detangle From Guilt or Shame

What negative message did you internalize from your upbringing?

• ---

Write a new, self-compassionate belief to replace it:

💬 “__________________________________________________________”

---

4. Build Emotional Safety

List 2 people you feel emotionally safe with and why:

• ______________________________________ – Why: ___________________________

• ______________________________________ – Why: ___________________________

One way I can nurture a healthy relationship this week:

• ---

---

5. Practice Self-Reparenting

Write a message your younger self needed to hear:

💌 “Dear younger me, _______________________________________________________”

What’s one comforting thing you can do for yourself this week?

🛁 Walk / rest / journal / art / other: ____________________________________________

---

6. Notice and Reframe

Describe a recent situation that triggered an old emotional wound:

• ---

What was your automatic thought or reaction?

• ---

What might a mature, self-supporting perspective sound like?

• ---

---

7. Stop Over-Explaining

What’s one recent time you over-explained yourself?

• ---

Practice a shorter, more confident response:

💬 “__________________________________________________________”

---

8. Use the Observer Self

Write about a time you stayed calm and curious instead of reacting:

• ---

What did you notice about your feelings in that moment?

• ---

---

9. Break the Cycle

What is one generational pattern you are consciously changing?

• ---

What’s one action you can take this week to reinforce that change?

✅ ________________________________________________________

---

📅 Weekly Check-In

• One boundary I honored: ___________________________________

• One thing I did for myself: _________________________________

• One lesson I learned: ______________________________________

---

Let me know if you'd like a version with checkboxes or in PDF format!

Goodreads says:

If you grew up with an emotionally immature, unavailable, or selfish parent, you may have lingering feelings of anger, loneliness, betrayal, or abandonment. You may recall your childhood as a time when your emotional needs were not met, when your feelings were dismissed, or when you took on adult levels of responsibility in an effort to compensate for your parent’s behavior. These wounds can be healed, and you can move forward in your life.

In this breakthrough book, clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson exposes the destructive nature of parents who are emotionally immature or unavailable. You will see how these parents create a sense of neglect, and discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood. By freeing yourself from your parents’ emotional immaturity, you can recover your true nature, control how you react to them, and avoid disappointment. Finally, you’ll learn how to create positive, new relationships so you can build a better life.

Discover the four types of difficult parents:

The emotional parent instills feelings of instability and anxiety

The driven parent stays busy trying to perfect everything and everyone

The passive parent avoids dealing with anything upsetting

The rejecting parent is withdrawn, dismissive, and derogatory

The Brain Fog Fix (Dr. Mike Dow)

 

My maternal grandmother had trouble with dementia. My mother appears to be heading that way. This is a topic that I need to pay attention to! 

This book has lots of good idea for things to do to be healthier. I plan to implement eating seafood daily, berries as fruit of choice, exercise and brain exercises like memorizing, playing the piano more and creative pursuits. Also, less TV more reading! 

Goodreads says:

A new epidemic is sweeping the country. Some people call it "ADHD," "scatter brain," or "brain fog." And some people simply say they "just don’t feel like themselves"—and haven’t for a long time. People are thinking and feeling worse than ever. Why? Because our brains are not getting the support they need to produce the essential brain chemicals that keep us energized, calm, focused, and inspired. In fact, if you look at the way that most of us live, it’s almost as though we had chosen a lifestyle deliberately intended to undermine our brain chemistry. Fortunately, there is a solution. The Brain Fog Fix is a three-week program designed to help you naturally restore three of your brain’s most crucial serotonin, dopamine, and cortisol. Rebalancing these three brain chemicals will, in turn, enable the rest of your brain’s chemistry to reach optimal levels. You will find yourself thinking more clearly, remembering more accurately, learning more quickly, and unleashing the floodgates of your creativity. You will also find yourself feeling more optimistic, calm, energized, connected, and inspired. The good news is that this is easier than you think. Instead of trying to ambitiously overhaul one aspect of your life entirely with some difficult-to-maintain resolution, begin by making small and achievable changes in many different areas of your life. "If I’ve learned one thing from the thousands of people I’ve treated, it’s that you have to take the whole person into account if you want to think and feel better." —Dr. Mike Dow

The Body Keeps The Score (Bessel Van Der Kolk)

 

This book explains why people who have experienced trauma often respond to situations in unexpected ways. If someone you know seems to respond to situations in ways that seem bizarre, it's possible they have experienced trauma in their life. This books has a LOT of information and took me a long time to get through. He ends with therapies that can make a big difference.

Goodreads says:

A pioneering researcher transforms our understanding of trauma and offers a bold new paradigm for healing.

Trauma is a fact of life. Veterans and their families deal with the painful aftermath of combat; one in five Americans has been molested; one in four grew up with alcoholics; one in three couples have engaged in physical violence. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, one of the world's foremost experts on trauma, has spent over three decades working with survivors. In The Body Keeps the Score, he uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma literally reshapes both body and brain, compromising sufferers' capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust. He explores innovative treatments—from neurofeedback and meditation to sports, drama, and yoga—that offer new paths to recovery by activating the brain's natural neuroplasticity. Based on Dr. van der Kolk's own research and that of other leading specialists, The Body Keeps the Score exposes the tremendous power of our relationships both to hurt and to heal—and offers new hope for reclaiming lives.

More Than A Body (Lexie Kite and Lindsay Kite)

 

My daughter recommended this book to me. I'm so glad! I think this should be required reading for all teenagers and women. For me, it'll take more than one read. I plan to put it on my list of books to re-read annually.

Goodreads says:
"An indispensable resource for women of all ages, this is a guide to help us better connect to ourselves, to value ourselves, to love ourselves, and ultimately, to be ourselves."

—Chelsea Clinton

Positive body image isn’t believing your body looks good; it is knowing your body is good, regardless of how it looks.

How do you feel about your body? Have you ever stayed home from a social activity or other opportunity because of concern about how you looked? Have you ever passed judgment on someone because of how they looked or dressed? Have you ever had difficulty concentrating on a task because you were self-conscious about your appearance?

Our beauty-obsessed world perpetuates the idea that happiness, health, and ability to be loved are dependent on how we look, but authors Lindsay and Lexie Kite offer an alternative vision. With insights drawn from their extensive body image research, Lindsay and Lexie—PhDs and founders of the nonprofit Beauty Redefined (and also twin sisters!)—lay out an action plan that arms you with the skills you need to reconnect with your whole self and free yourself from the constraints of self-objectification.

From media consumption to health and fitness to self-reflection and self-compassion, Lindsay and Lexie share powerful and practical advice that goes beyond “body positivity” to help readers develop body image resilience—all while cutting through the empty promises sold by media, advertisers, and the beauty and weight-loss industries. In the process, they show how facing your feelings of body shame or embarrassment can become a catalyst for personal growth.

Fever Year (Don Brown)

 

Ever since Covid started, I've been interested in learning about other pandemics. This one is a graphic novel and it tells the story of The Spanish Flu quite well. It's interesting to see all the similarities between what happened back then and what has happened during Covid.

Goodreads says:

From the Sibert Honor–winning creator behind  The Unwanted  and  Drowned City  comes one of the darkest episodes in American the Spanish Influenza epidemic of 1918. This nonfiction graphic novel explores the causes, effects, and lessons learned from a major epidemic in our past, and is the perfect tool for engaging readers of all ages, especially teens and tweens learning from home.
 
New Year’s Day, 1918. America has declared war on Germany and is gathering troops to fight. But there’s something coming that is deadlier than any war.
 
When people begin to fall ill, most Americans don’t suspect influenza. The flu is known to be dangerous to the very old, young, or frail. But the Spanish flu is exceptionally violent. Soon, thousands of people succumb. Then tens of thousands . . . hundreds of thousands and more. Graves can’t be dug quickly enough.
 
What made the influenza of 1918 so exceptionally deadly—and what can modern science help us understand about this tragic episode in history? With a journalist’s discerning eye for facts and an artist’s instinct for true emotion, Sibert Honor recipient Don Brown sets out to answer these questions and more in Fever Year .

Peak Mind (Amishi P. Jha)

 

I learned about this book from a medication on my CALM app by Jay Shetty. I've been meditating pretty faithfully since 2022. I can't say I'm super good at it but I do feel like it is doing something good in my life. This book has the science that backs up why meditation is important. 

One thing that really struck me was when I read about why we don't remember some things. My husband has many more memories of our years as parents and our years together than I do. After reading this, it made me think perhaps it is simply because I'm always trying to multi-task and do more than one thing at one time. If I stop and am in the moment, I will be able to hold on to those memories better. 

p. 256 One meditation to do any time anywhere is to repeat these phrases:
May you be happy
May you be well
May you be safe
May you live with ease. 

 You could also replace the you with I and send goodwill to yourself.

p. 241 The author says that distraction = disconnection. This is how this relates to working memory:

Distracted
- You can't keep your attentional flashlight pointing to one or more conversational partners.

- Your mental whiteboard is cluttered - you have failed to let distracting content fade from your working memory.

- You keep time traveling, unable to stay in the present moment of the conversation as it unfolds.

Disregulated
- You can't regulate your emotions.

- You are reactive or display volatile behavior during the interaction. 

Disconnected
- You incorrectly believe that thoughts are facts.

- You fail to have a shared mental model of the situation.

- You apply the wrong mental model to the situation.

p. 235  There is a concept in Buddhism called the "Second Arrow." It comes from the famous parable: The Buddha asked one of his students, "If you are struck by an arrow, does it hurt?"
"Yes! the student replied.
"If you are struck by a second arrow," the Buddha asked, "does it hurt even more?"
"It does," the student replied.
The Buddha explained: In life, we can't control whether we're hit by an arrow or not. But the second arrow is our reaction to the first. The first arrow causes pain - the second arrow is our distress about that pain.
I love this parable because it very simply encapsulates the connection between mindfulness and attention: The first arrow happens. There are arrows every day. But the second arrow - your response to the first = is what sucks up your attentional bandwith. And that is within your control. There is another choice point you can access - if you have an awareness of your own mind.

Goodreads says:

Research shows we are missing 50 percent of our lives. Why?
Because we aren’t paying attention.

From the constant buzz of your phone and the lure of your media feed to your unrelenting, all-encompassing, and evergrowing mental to-do list—the demands on your attention have never been so severe. The result is an escalating crisis, where we feel mentally foggy, scattered, and overwhelmed. Remarkably, the solution to our attention crisis has been right here in front of us the entire time. Acclaimed neuroscientist Amishi P. Jha, PhD, has dedicated her life’s work to understanding the science of attention at every level—from brain-imaging studies in the lab to field-testing soldiers, firefighters, athletes, healthcare and business professionals, and students. Her mission has been to scientifically determine how we can harness the full power of our attention to better meet all that life demands. Dr. Jha expertly guides readers through fascinating research, debunking common assumptions and offering stunning new insights into where presence and purpose really come from. Peak Mind reveals remarkably easy to adapt, flexible, 12-minute-a-day exercises to lift the mental fog, declutter the mind, and strengthen focus so that you can experience more of your life.

About the author: Amishi P. Jha, Ph.D is professor of psychology and director of contemplative neuroscience at the University of Miami. She leads research on the neural bases of attention and the effects of mindfulness-based training programs on cognition, emotion, and resilience. She has spoken at TED.com, the World Economic Forum, and NATO, and has been covered by Scientific American, the New York Times, NPR, and Forbes.

Sticky McStick Stick (Michael Rosen)

 

The author had covid, was in a coma and ended up having to learn to walk again. Adults would empathize with this story. I'm not sure kids will. The illustrations are really great.

Goodreads does not have a summary yet.

Between Two Kingdoms (Suleika Jaouad)

 

The more I read this book, the more I loved it. Having gone through cancer (and death) with two close family members, her journey through cancer touched my heart. I also really loved the way the book ended - with her travling around and meeting up with all the people she had connected with through her writing and with the lessons she learned from them as she worked to return to a healthy life after cancer. There were a lot of great lessons. Cancer took a lot from the author....and in the end, she said she would not reverse her diagnosis and would not take back the suffering to learn the lessons she gained. I'd say the same thing for the experiences of grief that I've experienced. In the moment, I was not grateful for the experiences, but time is a great healer and gref is a great teacher.

Goodreads says:

A searing, deeply moving memoir of illness and recovery that traces one young woman’s journey from diagnosis to remission and, ultimately, a road trip of healing and self-discovery.

In the summer after graduating from college, Suleika Jaouad was preparing, as they say in commencement speeches, to enter “the real world”. She had fallen in love and moved to Paris to pursue her dream of becoming a war correspondent. The real world she found, however, would take her into a very different kind of conflict zone.

It started with an itch—first on her feet, then up her legs, like a thousand invisible mosquito bites. Next came the exhaustion, and the six-hour naps that only deepened her fatigue. Then a trip to the doctor and, a few weeks shy of her twenty-third birthday, a diagnosis: leukemia, with a 35 percent chance of survival. Just like that, the life she had imagined for herself had gone up in flames. By the time Jaouad flew home to New York, she had lost her job, her apartment, and her independence. She would spend much of the next four years in a hospital bed, fighting for her life and chronicling the saga in a column for The New York Times.

When Jaouad finally walked out of the cancer ward—after three and a half years of chemo, a clinical trial, and a bone marrow transplant—she was, according to the doctors, cured. But as she would soon learn, a cure is not where the work of healing ends; it’s where it begins. She had spent the past 1,500 days in desperate pursuit of one goal—to survive. And now that she’d done so, she realized that she had no idea how to live.

How would she reenter the world and live again? How could she reclaim what had been lost? Jaouad embarked—with her new best friend, Oscar, a scruffy terrier mutt—on a 100-day, 15,000-mile road trip across the country. She set out to meet some of the strangers who had written to her during her years in the hospital: a teenage girl in Florida also recovering from cancer; a teacher in California grieving the death of her son; a death-row inmate in Texas who’d spent his own years confined to a room. What she learned on this trip is that the divide between sick and well is porous, that the vast majority of us will travel back and forth between these realms throughout our lives. Between Two Kingdoms is a profound chronicle of survivorship and a fierce, tender, and inspiring exploration of what it means to begin again. 

The Dance of Anger (Harriett Lerner, Ph.D)

 

This is a really good book on solving differences. For women, being angry often isn't allowed in our social structure. She has a good approach and many ideas regarding looking at conflict. It is one worth reading again....especially when problems come up in life.

Goodreads says:

"Anger is a signal and one worth listening to," writes Dr. Harriet Lerner, in her renowned classic that has transformed the lives of millions of readers. While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless. In this engaging and eminently wise book, Dr. Lerner teaches women to identify the true sources of our anger and to use anger as a powerful vehicle for creating lasting change.

Head Strong (Dave Asprey)

 

Improving the way my brain works is a big interest of mine. I liked many of the tips this author had but overall I found it overwhelming. I don't think it would be even possible to do all these things. I'm always leery of programs that suggest cutting out entire categories of food (i.e. grains, milk and a lot of meat) and that suggests you buy HIS products because they're superior to everything else out there. I finished it because I'm a finisher and I figured maybe something would come up that would change my mind. It didn't.  

I will continue to do some things: daily exercise, meditation, watching out for junk light, avoiding sugar, eating healthy fats, etc. I am not into his bulletproof coffee, microdosing nicotine and the looooong list of supplements. As I was reading, I found myself wondering what a biologist would say about all this. He goes to great pains to explain the science - which just ended up being a lot of confusing vocabulary for me. 

I will give it a 2/5. Moving on.

Goodreads says:

From the creator of Bulletproof Coffee and author of the bestselling The Bulletproof Diet comes a revolutionary plan to upgrade your brainpower—in two weeks or less.

For the last decade, Silicon Valley entrepreneur Dave Asprey has worked with world-renowned doctors and scientists to uncover the latest, most innovative methods for making humans perform better—a process known as "biohacking." In his first book, The Bulletproof Diet, he shared his biohacking tips for taking control of your own biology. Now, in Head Strong, Asprey shows readers how to biohack their way to a sharper, smarter, faster, more resilient brain.

Imagine feeling like your mind is operating at its clearest and sharpest, and being able—possibly for the first time in your life—to do more in less time? What it suddenly became easier to do the very hardest things you do? Or if you could feel 100% confident about your intellect, and never again fear being the person in the room who just isn’t smart enough, or can’t remember something important? How would you treat people if the mood swings, short temper, and food cravings that disrupt your day could simply disappear?

In Head Strong, Asprey shows us that all of this is possible—and more. Using his simple lifestyle modifications (or "hacks") to take advantage of how the structure of your brain works, readers will learn how to take their mental performance to the next level. Combining the latest findings in neuroscience and neurobiology with a hacker-inspired "get it done now" perspective, Asprey offers a program structured around key areas of brain performance that will help you:


Power the brain with exactly what it needs to perform at its best all day long
Eliminate the sources of "kryptonite," both nutritional and environmental, that make the brain slower.
Supercharge the cellular powerhouses of our brains, the mitochondria, to eliminate cravings and turn up mental focus.
Reverse inflammation to perform better right now, then stay sharp and energized well into your golden years.
Promote neuron growth to enhance processing speed and reinforce new learning—hotwiring your brain for success.
Asprey’s easy to follow, two-week program offers a detailed plan to supercharge brain performance, including: which foods to eat and which ones to avoid, how to incorporate the right kinds of physical activity into your day, a detox protocol for your home and body; meditation and breathing for performance, recommended brain-boosting supplements; and how to adjust the lighting in your home and work space to give your brain the quality light it thrives on.

A better brain—and a happier, easier, more productive life—is within reach. You just need to get Head Strong.

Starfish (Lisa Flipps)

 

The idea behind the title is that when you're overweight, people are always trying to make you smaller. Be smaller. Act smaller. The only place the main character feels comfortable is in the water where she can be as big as she wants, spread out....like a starfish.

All the while I was reading this, inside I was saying, "Oh honey. I know. I'm sorry!"

One big theme in this book is the disapproval the main character feels from her mother because she's overweight. I don't think any mother would want to pass on that idea. It does happen and reading it was heartbreaking.

I remember my first diet.
I was four.
on Thanksgiving,
after I gobbled down turkey and
all the fixings and
reached for one of
Nana's oatmeal raising cookies,
Mom slapped my hand.
"That does it.
I'm putting you on a diet tomorrow.
You. Are. Fat."

Technically, Mom used fat
as an adjective
to describe me,
But with her tone,
she made it a noun
to define me.

Until that moment,
I had never thought about
my body being big
and big being bad,
something to be ashamed of,
to hide,
to hate.

But since then,
I haven't stopped thinking about it.

p. 47 Surgery. It's something many people choose. It seems really harsh, and scary.
"For a while your mom's pushed for
you to have surgery,
but I think you're way too young.
I've pushed for therapy because
I see the hurt in your eyes
from what people say and do to you."

The rules: 

No cannonballs.
No splashing.
No making waves. 
You don't deserve
to be seen or heart,
to take up room,
to be noticed.
Make yourself small.

Move slowly so
your fat doesn't jiggle,
drawing attention to your body.

If you're fat,
there are things
you can't have.

The fatter you are,
the lower you are
on the food chain.

When eating out,
never finish first.

When you hear laughter,
someone's laughing at you.

You need to bully yourself
as much as,
If not more than, 
Everyone else bullies you. 

Goodreads says:

Ellie is tired of being fat-shamed and does something about it in this debut novel-in-verse.

Ever since Ellie wore a whale swimsuit and made a big splash at her fifth birthday party, she’s been bullied about her weight. To cope, she tries to live by the Fat Girl Rules–like “no making waves,” “avoid eating in public,” and “don’t move so fast that your body jiggles.” And she’s found her safe space–her swimming pool–where she feels weightless in a fat-obsessed world. In the water, she can stretch herself out like a starfish and take up all the room she wants. It’s also where she can get away from her pushy mom, who thinks criticizing Ellie’s weight will motivate her to diet. Fortunately, Ellie has allies in her dad, her therapist, and her new neighbor, Catalina, who loves Ellie for who she is. With this support buoying her, Ellie might finally be able to cast aside the Fat Girl Rules and starfish in real life–by unapologetically being her own fabulous self. 

The Bravest Dog Ever: The Story of Balto (Natalie Standiford)

 

This really is a step into reading book: simple sentences (all subject openers) but kids love the story. 

Goodreads says:

Balto has a quiet life as a sled dog - until tragedy strikes. Dozens of children in Nome become sick with diphtheria. Without antitoxin serum, they will perish - and the closest supply is 650 miles away! The only way to get the serum to Nome is by sled, but can the dogs deliver it in time? Heading bravely into a brutal blizzard, Balto leads the race for life.

No Cure For Being Human (Kate Bowler)

 

Wow. This book was really compelling for me. The author is Canadian and refers to many places in Canada where she and her family have lived. It's quite current, published just this past September! She talks about the pandemic and the impact it has had. Also, just having lost my brother to cancer, I really related to the fear and the rollercoaster cancer treatments bring. Happily, she recovered. Hopefully, life continues that way for her. She also talks about what she will do when this pandemic is over. Sometimes I can't even imagine that....but we have to look forward. Have to!

This book has made me want to read anything else she has written. She talks about prosperity gospel preaching - a subject I have found fascinating for years. She seems to lean towards Christianity in a lot of her topics. 

I loved her appendix at the end....things people say: 

- things happen for a reason

- let go and let God

- be present

- No regrets

- facing the past is part of facing the future

- make every minute count

and more

All those things end up being questioned when someone gets cancer or a pandemic happens or your husband has a stroke and struggles to heal his heart issues or....so many things. 

Goodreads says:

The bestselling author of Everything Happens for a Reason (And Other Lies I've Loved) asks, how do you move forward with a life you didn't choose?

It's hard to give up on the feeling that the life you really want is just out of reach. A beach body by summer. A trip to Disneyland around the corner. A promotion on the horizon. Everyone wants to believe that they are headed toward good, better, best. But what happens when the life you hoped for is put on hold indefinitely?

Kate Bowler believed that life was a series of unlimited choices, until she discovered, at age 35, that her body was wracked with cancer. In No Cure for Being Human, she searches for a way forward as she mines the wisdom (and absurdity) of today's "best life now" advice industry, which insists on exhausting positivity and on trying to convince us that we can out-eat, out-learn, and out-perform our humanness. We are, she finds, as fragile as the day we were born.

With dry wit and unflinching honesty, Kate Bowler grapples with her diagnosis, her ambition, and her faith as she tries to come to terms with her limitations in a culture that says anything is possible. She finds that we need one another if we're going to tell the truth: Life is beautiful and terrible, full of hope and despair and everything in between--and there's no cure for being human.

When The Body Says No (Gabor Mate)

 

I'm sure there are many scientists who'd poo poo this book. However, there's got to be something to the peace that comes from therapy, from meditation and from good boundaries. This book has been talked about a lot on the podcast, The Virtual Couch. There's something about acceptance and commitment therapy, I'm sure of it! 

The last chapter is the most important one. It lists keys to good health. I listened to this book though and so I couldn't write while I was driving. LOL I found a good summary of the points on the FourMinuteBooks.com: 

1. When you’re stressed, every system in your body goes on alert in response to a perceived threat.
2. Your body attacks itself when you’re overwhelmed.
3. Negative thinking can help you beat stress. 

Lesson 1: Stress happens when your body perceives a threat, and it affects every system in your body.

Many of us experience stress for a myriad of reasons. We all have the same basic processing system, but what makes a stressor for someone is very individual. For instance, losing a job can be an extremely stressful situation for a person living paycheck-to-paycheck, but for a person with a large amount of savings, maybe it’s not so much. However, at the end of the day, most types of stress are the result of a perceived threat to our survival in some way or another. 

The impacts of stress are felt across many parts of the body, some of which you might not even be aware of. The main places it affects are your hormones, immune system, and digestive system. When you perceive an imminent threat, a series of hormones stimulates the release of the stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol acts on almost every single system in your body. It gets your heart beating faster, takes blood from your organs to your muscles, and suppresses your immune system. All of this is to make sure you react better to the threat at hand. It’s a useful system in real, short-term threats. But if you have cortisol chronically it can destroy tissue, damage the heart, and raise your blood pressure. 

One study examining the effects of chronic stress on immune cells called natural killer cells found that those experiencing chronic stress had significantly suppressed natural killer cells. These have the essential ability to destroy malignant cells such as cancer. Additionally, wounds on a chronically stressed person took an average of nine days longer to heal than the control group.

Lesson 2: When you get overwhelmed, your body begins to attack itself.

Our immune system needs to be kept at a specific balance, and it’s easy for things to go wrong if things are off. Stress can cause your immune system to start harming the tissues it is supposed to defend. This can actually lead to the diagnosis of autoimmune diseases in some cases. Autoimmune diseases happen when the immune system mistakenly attacks the body and damages connective tissue, joints, and organs. 

There are many things that can cause autoimmunity, but one thing in common with many autoimmune disorder sufferers is they struggle with boundaries. They tend to repress their own needs and put others first. The stress of this emotional repression results in problems with the immune system, which starts to struggle to know which cells to attack and which to leave alone. 

In a study, scientists look at healthy relatives of women who had rheumatoid arthritis. Fourteen out of 46 tested positive for RA antibodies. This group scored much higher than RA antibody-negative participants on psychological scales showing the level of anger inhibition and concern about the acceptability of social behaviors. This suggested that emotional repression resulted in immune reactivity in these women.

Lesson 3: You can beat stress with negative thinking.

After learning how harmful stress is you may be wondering what you can do about it. Mate teaches we can overcome stress through negative thinking. When he was a palliative caregiver, the author came across many people who didn’t understand why it was they who got cancer. One person wondered why this could happen when he’d always been so positive and not given into pessimistic thoughts. 

The truth is, being positive all the time actually isn’t very good for you. Positive emotions increase well-being but being constantly positive actually can turn into a harmful coping mechanism. When you ignore your negative emotions, it increases stress, and we know this makes you more prone to disease. 

So instead, it’s okay to indulge in negative thinking sometimes. We don’t have to be constantly pessimistic, but it’s healthy to embrace all of reality, including the bad. This helps us find a way to fix what’s wrong rather than ignoring it. 

A study found that melanoma patients who tended to suppress emotions had a higher likelihood of relapse and death. On the other hand, another study found those who resigned to their illness and had a harder time coping were actually less likely to relapse. Many of us react to illness by denying it or minimizing it. But science shows being “tough” isn’t what we need. 

Goodreads says:

In this accessible and groundbreaking book--filled with the moving stories of real people--medical doctor and bestselling author Gabor Maté shows that emotion and psychological stress play a powerful role in the onset of chronic illness, including breast cancer, prostate cancer, multiple sclerosis and many others, even Alzheimer's disease.

When the Body Says No is an impressive contribution to research on the physiological connection between life's stresses and emotions and the body systems governing nerves, immune apparatus and hormones. With great compassion and erudition, Gabor Maté demystifies medical science and, as he did in Scattered Minds, invites us all to be our own health advocates.