I learned about this book from someone i follow on instagram. Can I be honest? I was a little put off by all the lack of upper case letters on the cover....but after reading it I think maybe that was strategic. I don't really have a hard time with keeping house and being organized so I wasn't sure this book would be for me - but the more I read the more I appreciated her thinking. Self-compassion is key and so many of the approaches she talks about would work in many other aspects of my life like teaching school, being a Relief Society president and more.
Notes:
Setting priorities
She explains a really helpful tool for prioritizing: the 9 square.
p. 12 Pick an rea of your life: school, activism, parenting, et cetera. Write a list of things you think are important for yourself. First, think of hte items that have the highest impact. Next list the items that have a medium impact. Next, divide them into those things that take low effort, medium effort or a high amount of effort and place the items in corresponding squares on the chart.
Once the chart is filled out, you can it to determine what to focus on When things in your life are ideal, you may strive to d o all he squares. Come under some stress and the black square is de-prioritized without guilt. Come under a bit more stres or for a prolonger period and the dark blue squares are de-prioritized in order to focus on the light blue squares.
Sometimes, priorities that do the most good with the least amount of energy is what you should focus on.
This tool will give you permission not to feel guilty about what you don't do.
Handling criticism:
p. 115 Even as we become comfortable giving ourselves kindnessa nd compassion in the midst of struggle, we often still have to contend with friends or family members who are at different parts of the journey of moral neutrality. How do we respond when someone criticizes the state of our home or tries to "help" us by giving advice that really doesn't fit?
My favorite phrase for well-meaning family is, "I know you want to see me in a fictioning environment and I want you to know that I want that for myself also. I am on my own journey to find aht works for me and what I need most from you is a nonjudgmental support. One thing that could really help me right now is ________."
And give them a tangible task that they can do! "Take these bags of clothes to the donation bin," "Sit with my while I clean my room," "Help me call a cleaning service or make a doctor's appointment." Sometimes all our loved ones need is to be redicrected to a way they can actually help. If after you give them ways to help they decline, it's okay to say, "Then teh most helpful thing you can do for me is not make comments about my space."
If you have a particularly rude or pushy person in your life, you can use my favorite boudary phrase, which s "thank you for your concern, but I am not taking any feedback on that issue right now."
Or my personal favorite "The key for me being able to given to run a functioning home was when I stopped talking to myself the way you are talking to me right now."
On weight:
your weight is morally neutral (capitals left off on purpose because the author did that...even though it pains me)
p. 139 One night I was lying in bed and cuddling my eighteen-month-old. She was asleep in my arms with her angelic face resting in the crook of my elbow. We were lying next to my husband, a man whom I love deeply and who loes me. On the floor on a little pallet was my three-year-old, a spitfire little sprite who brightens my world. I realized that I only ever wanted to be skinny because i wanted to be loved and happy. But I already have that. Skinny hasn't seemed very important to me since then.
Goodreads says:
How to Keep House While Drowning will introduce you to six life-changing principles that will revolutionize the way you approach home care—without endless to-do lists. Presented in 31 daily thoughts, this compassionate guide will help you begin to get free of the shame and anxiety you feel over home care.
Inside you will learn:
· How to shift your perspective of care tasks from moral to functional;
· How to stop negative self-talk and shame around care tasks;
· How to give yourself permission to rest, even when things aren’t finished;
· How to motivate yourself to care for your space.
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