Educated (Tara Westover)

I read this book slowly. Sometimes I wanted to soak it up. Sometimes I could only take so much.

Part of what really drew me in was the dysfunctional traits I saw in families I know. Tara's family honors their father and even though he is clearly out of line, mentally ill and puts family members' lives in danger, the unwavering dedication to following him was an extreme example of things I've seen. Tara doesn't follow quite so easily and struggles for years as she goes in and out of feeling comfortable with that expectation. It made me uncomfortable that they were members of the church. However, she is careful to add that this isn`t a story about the church. It`s a story about family and mental illness and dysfunctional relationships. They took what the church teaches to an unhealthy extreme. I felt shame that it could be rooted in something I love but turn into something so terrible. Now she is no longer active in the church. I`m not surprised. It`s pretty impossible to grow up with abuse and have a good relationship with religion and God. Her abuse was too connected and excused by religious teachings and breaking free of that was really the only way to get healthy.

People in the family have a series of terrible accidents that are treated by oils and tinctures. Those were parts I could hardly stand.

Tara has a brother that is abusive and mentally ill. I don't know why the family defended him and let the needs of almost every one else in the family go unmet. I wanted to punch him in the face. The guy needs help and my guess is he'll end up in jail one day. I was angry at her mother for not standing up for her children. All through the book the family is preparing for the Day of Abomination. I felt like the mother was an abomination. She stood by her mentally ill husband even though there are windows of time where she admits he is fallible. She even stands by him when he for some absurd reason, refuses to admit (first I wrote see....but you can't tell me he couldn't see it) the abuse his son, Shawn dealt. Why do some parents do that? It is incomprehensible to me - but then again, it is something I`ve seen to a lesser extreme. Still, it makes me reel.

I loved that Tara is saved by education. Even though she never went to school, she learns to learn and goes to BYU to learn. She had to learn how to take tests, the importance of text books, and she had her mind opened to many things that we take for granted. She was saved by finally becoming educated, along with two of her brothers. It was truly a miracle.

p. 180 I did not think of my brother as that person; I doubt I will ever think of him that way. But something had shifted nonetheless. I had started on a path of awareness, had perceived something elemental about my brother, my father, myself. I had discerned the ways in which we had been sculpted by a tradition given to us by others, a tradition of which we were either willfully or accidentally ignorant. I had begun to understand that we had lent our voices to a discourse whose whole purpose was to dehumanize and brutalize others - because nurturing that discourse was easier, because retaining power always feels like the way forward.
     I could not have articulated this, not as I sweated through those searing afternoons in the forklift. I did not have the language I have now. But I understood this one fact: that a thousand times I had been called Nigger, and laughed and now I could not laugh. The word and the way Shawn said it hadn`t changed; only my ears were different. They no longer heard the jingle of a joke in it. What they heard was a signal, a call through time, which was answered with a mounting conviction: that never again would I allow myself to be made a food soldier in a conflict I did not understand.

Throughout the story, when she is away at BYU and then Cambridge, she doesn`t tell people much about her family. She hides their truths. Her mother abandons and allows her to be in danger when working with her dad and abused by her brother. Instead of feeling rage, Tara feels shame. However, along the way something clicks that causes a change:

p. 273 I told them I`d been poor. I told them I`d been ignorant, and in telling them this I felt not he slightest prick of shame. Only then did I understand where the shame had come from: it wasn`t that I hadn`t studied in a marble conservatory, or that my father wasn`t a diplomat. It wasn`t that Dad was half out of his mind, or that Mother followed him. It had  come from having a father who shoved me toward the chomping blades of the Shear, instead of pulling me away from them. It had come from those moments on the floor, from knowing that Mother was in the next room, closing her eyes and ears to me, choosing, for that moment, not to be my mother at all.

Her brother, Tyler, finally gets it and stands up. In the end, although he recognizes the abuse, he doesn`t distance himself totally from the family. What he said to Tara though was so true:

p. 316 Our parents are held down by chains of abuse, manipulation, and control....They see change as dangerous and will exile anyone who asks for it. This is a perverted idea of family loyalty...they claim faith, but this is not what the gospel teaches. Keep safe. We love you.

Tara has to become a new person to survive. She has to separate herself from her parents and now has no relationship with them. So many times when she`d go back to her family I wanted to scream, `Don`t go!` The compelling ties to family make living a healthy life really difficult for her. I get that. I feel for her. Finally, in the end, she decided she could not live a healthy life with them in it.

p. 328 If there was a single moment when he breach between us, which had been cracking and splintering for two decides, was at least too vast to be bridged, I believe it was that winter night, when I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, while, without m knowing it, my father grasped the phone in his knotted hands and dialed my brothe, Diego, the knife. What followed was very dramatic. But the real drama had already played out in the bathroom.
     It had played out when, for reasons I don`t understand, I was unable to climb through the mirror and send out my sixteen-year-old self in my place.
     Until that moment she had always been there. No matter how much I appeared to have changed - how illustrious my education, ow altered my appearance - I was still her. At best I was two people, a fractured mind. She was inside, and emerged whenever I crossed the threshold of my father`s house.
     That night I called on her and she didn`t answer. She left me. She stayed in the mirror. The decisions I made after that momet were not the ones she would have made. They were the choices of a changed person, a new self.
     You could call this selfhood many things. Transformation. Metamorphosis. Falsity. Betrayal.
     I can it an education.

I found myself googling information about this family after I finished the book. Are they real? Do they really run a health business? Where are her parents now? It looks like they're still denying everything.They also run a huge business.


Goodreads says:

An unforgettable memoir in the tradition of The Glass Castle about a young girl who, kept out of school, leaves her survivalist family and goes on to earn a PhD from Cambridge University

Tara Westover was 17 the first time she set foot in a classroom. Born to survivalists in the mountains of Idaho, she prepared for the end of the world by stockpiling home-canned peaches and sleeping with her "head-for-the-hills bag". In the summer she stewed herbs for her mother, a midwife and healer, and in the winter she salvaged in her father's junkyard.

Her father forbade hospitals, so Tara never saw a doctor or nurse. Gashes and concussions, even burns from explosions, were all treated at home with herbalism. The family was so isolated from mainstream society that there was no one to ensure the children received an education and no one to intervene when one of Tara's older brothers became violent.

Then, lacking any formal education, Tara began to educate herself. She taught herself enough mathematics and grammar to be admitted to Brigham Young University, where she studied history, learning for the first time about important world events like the Holocaust and the civil rights movement. Her quest for knowledge transformed her, taking her over oceans and across continents, to Harvard and to Cambridge. Only then would she wonder if she'd traveled too far, if there was still a way home.

Educated is an account of the struggle for self-invention. It is a tale of fierce family loyalty and of the grief that comes with severing the closest of ties. With the acute insight that distinguishes all great writers, Westover has crafted a universal coming-of-age story that gets to the heart of what an education is and what it offers: the perspective to see one's life through new eyes and the will to change it.